A Life Coach Shares his “Quiet Rage” — and offers steps toward healing

By Tony Farmer, host, Black Lives Matter Radio Show

Since the tragic death of George Floyd at the hand of the Minnesota Police Officers, I have been struggling.

I’ve been trying to get my head wrapped around how I feel. I’ve had conversations with people who are seeking explanations as to why it happened. Others want to know how it has impacted the Black Community. Some need comfort and consolation to help them cope with watching a video depicting the loss of a man’s life. The fact is that I just haven’t taken the time to focus on out how I feel until now.

I started digging through memories, recalling situations, scenarios, and experiences that I have suppressed. I swept past the fake smiles that I’ve worn, the artificial pleasantries exchanged, and the micro-insults endured.

Soon my skin felt warm, my muscles tensed, my heart became heavy. Suddenly, my breathing seemed to come in shallow puffs instead of a rhythmic flow of air in and out. As I delved deeper into my caged conscious, one word kept flashing in my mind like a fiery neon sign, “RAGE.” The word rang loudly in my ears, the voice screaming it was mine.

It’s evident that the rage was always there, but I had managed to keep it quiet; today, however, it will no longer be ignored.

How can this be happening again? Where is the justice? Why didn’t anyone come to his aid? When do I get to feel safe? A scene flashed in my mind where I am the one on the ground pleading for my life. Images are streaming in my head of my brothers and my nephew with targets on their backs because of skin color.

Now I am standing face to face with this ball of anger, fear, and angst, asking myself, “what can I do”? I must temper my rage with self-reflection, empathy, and intellect. I will use my voice to spread a message of hope instead of hate.

  • I will use my hands to build relationships instead of tear down individuals who don’t look like me.
  • I will stand strong and move the needle of equality forward instead of allowing my shoulders to be bent by negative narratives.
  • I will be the face of reconciliation to help people find safe ground to have difficult discussions.

And what of my rage?

Should I try to keep it quiet? Is it possible to convert this volatile mix of emotions into positive outcomes? Can my rage channel it to help others deal with what they are feeling during these turbulent times? Communities across the country are in turmoil trying to make sense of a tragic event. Now is the time for us to find the courage to make a difference.

I can no longer keep my rage quiet. I will use my rage to speak the truth with compassion, transparency, and confidence.

“Our lives end the day that we become silent about things that matter.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Stay tuned for more from Tony.

About Tony Farmer

A seasoned business leader and entrepreneur with three decades of experience in the legal, corporate, and public sector, Tony Farmer joined the Inkandescent Group, LLC in 2018 to develop new business opportunities for the company.

Mostly, Tony embodies what it means to be a skilled listener who helps those he counsels to be the best version of themselves. That’s why his certification as a life coach and founder of Full Armour Coaching has helped hundreds of clients overcome personal and professional barriers. His vast network throughout the country is testimony to his success as a relationship builder and connector.

Tony has a B.S. in Business Management from the University of Maryland, University College, and a Masters degree in Public Administration from George Mason University. He is also a skilled facilitator and passionate public speaker. The native of Washington D.C., Tony resides in Northern Virginia with his wife and two daughters.