In 2001, nine days after September 11, I immigrated to the US after a medical emergency with my newborn son, who suffered a brain stroke two days after he was born.
My husband, a former Peace Corps Volunteer in Romania, and I had no plans to come to the United States, but this medical situation changed everything for us. We were told that our son might never speak, hear, see, or be able to walk. We came to America like many immigrants, with hope and faith that what we would find here would save our son’s life.
We arrived in the United States during a very difficult time for everyone in this country, myself and our family included. I didn’t speak English at that time, and I can’t express how challenging everything was. My son needed my full attention and care, as did my 8-year-old daughter. Once a week, every week for a year, we went to Children’s Hospital for Physical Therapy. Day by day I prayed that my son would get better and stronger.
During my first months in the United States, struggling to understand the culture, learn English, and find a job, while taking care of my son, I realized how difficult it was for immigrants, especially for women who left a professional career behind, to integrate, to retain their sense of worth, to have a sense of belonging and provide for their families.
Before immigrating to the United States, I had already worked my way up the journalism ladder to be an award-winning broadcast journalist. But at the age of 22, I was banned from journalism for speaking my mind and standing up for the poor and the orphans in my country. Undeterred, I started a nonprofit organization, which initiated, advocated for, and helped pass Romania’s first Domestic Violence law. I had accomplished much at a young age, yet without English language skills and a network of support, these experiences seemed worthless in this country.
After enrolling in an English language class, things began to change for me. I met a large community of highly talented and educated women, many of them artists, writers, anthropologists, published authors—all in one ESL class at Montgomery College.
I started to talk to the women. Despite their education, talents, and skills, many of these women were paid $5 an hour doing menial jobs. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it. When I heard their stories and what brought them to the United States, I realized I was not the only one feeling lost and dis-empowered. And I was not going to give up on re-becoming myself. With my identity shattered and no sense of belonging, I went on to seek meaning in my new life.
My vision was to create a community of women for women, who can help one another succeed; a place where women support each other, and where others can hear the stories these women tell. A place where the American Dream lives on, and everyone feels welcome and at home.
I realized that when women told their stories, people listened. There was empathy. There was compassion. There was understanding. Many of the women I’ve met did not speak English well or at all, but they used paintings and music to tell stories. People responded to this media and I believed there was a viable business opportunity for these women to sell their artwork, products, and crafts if they could obtain the right skills.
Empowered Women International (EWI) came to life in May 2002.
Our mission is to help immigrant, refugee, and low-income women integrate into the community, rebuild their lives, families, and livelihoods, and pursue the American Dream using the power of the arts as a means for communication, cultural understanding, and entrepreneurship.
Ten years later, what started out as a network of immigrants, women artists, and a few business classes has blossomed into an organization that trains more than 200 immigrants, refugees, and low-income women in business and leadership skills every year. It also launches socially responsible micro-businesses that support women and their families, as well as our local economy.
On a personal note: I am pleased to report that today my son is a healthy and talented 11 years old. My daughter is a Posse Scholar and a freshman at Sewanee, the University of the South in Tennessee. And my husband, who pursued a career in micro-finance after Peace Corps, currently works for ShoreBank International in Washington, DC.
About Empowered Women International
Our passion is entrepreneurship, and our clients deserve a chance.
Women come to EWI from all walks of life. They face tremendous hardships, from isolation to domestic abuse to unemployment and underemployment—59 percent are immigrant or refugee; 66 percent are low-income, making less than $30,000 a year; 77 percent are considered at-risk; 62 percent are heads of households, and 24 percent are single mothers. They all deserve a chance.
Our approach is unique.
EWI is the only organization in the region that uses the power of the arts, entrepreneurship, women’s voices, and their cultural heritage to empower women and transform their lives. We use innovative means to combat poverty and prejudice, and to enact sustainable, systemic social change. We help women integrate into the community and recognize their contribution to the fabric of our society.
Our holistic model creates jobs.
The organization delivers a holistic model of empowerment through entrepreneurship training, business mentoring, and community service that builds women’s confidence, business, and leadership skills. Our comprehensive three-month training program, Entrepreneur Training for Success (ETS)—coupled with a year-long mentoring program, marketing support, and civic engagement—helps entrepreneur graduates create pathways to self-sufficiency and citizenship.
After participating in the ETS program:
Unemployment among their clients decreased by 34 percent
57 percent saw their children enroll in college or a specialized school
70 percent consider themselves to be a better role model to their children and family
83 percent have donated money or goods to charitable organizations
90 percent of our clients have volunteered in the community.
Self-esteem for most increased dramatically
Ready to get involved? For more information, visit Empowered Women International at ewint.org.
When Ashley Smith takes the stage, it’s tough to take your eyes off of her. A dancer since she was 3 — her parents are dance teachers Michael and Noreen Smith — Ashley has been a shining star just waiting to be in the spotlight.
Her biography is impressive, indeed. By 16, she’d become the youngest woman to be crowned the World Irish Step Dancing Champion in Belfast, in 2004, and was also named one of the Top Irish American that year. She went on to win two more world championship titles in 2005 and 2009, and also has won All Ireland Championships, and numerous North American and regional titles.
Ashley graduated from Manhattanville College in 2010 with a BA in dance and theater.
And while Irish dancing remains one of her favorite forms of dance, it’s not her only claim to fame.
She was one of the top 30 female finalists on the hit TV show, “So You Think You Can Dance?” She was also a featured dancer in the Oscar-nominated film, “Silver Linings Playbook,” starring Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, and Robert De Niro.
The dancer has also starred in several musical theater productions — as Kristine in the Tibbits Opera House production of “A Chorus Line;” as Anybody’s in the Fireside Theater production of “West Side Story;” and as Brooke Wyndham in the Hoboken Theater Company’s production of “Legally Blond.”
Learn more about this Truly Amazing Woman at AshleyElizaBethSmith.com.
Click here to learn more about Rockin’ Road to Dublin at www.RR2D.com.
Don’t miss our Q&A with Scott and his business partner Chris Smith, as they explain the genesis of Rockin’ Road to Dublin.
Be sure to check out our video interview with this rising starhere.
Who she is: Anthropologist and author of books about the biological nature of love and sex
What she does: What is love? Why do we choose the people we choose? How do men and women vary in their romantic feelings? Is there really love at first sight? How did love evolve? For decades, Rutgers University anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher has been working to answer these eternal questions.
How she does it: Helen has traveled from the Kalahari Desert in southern Africa to Tokyo, Moscow, and back to her home in New York City to determine if one culture perceives love differently than another. She then used fMRI technology to actually look inside the brains of 40 men and women who said they were madly in love. Fascinating, huh?
WHY WE LOVE
By Hope Katz Gibbs
In her 2005 book, “Why We Love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love,” Dr. Helen Fisher explains: “My research has proven to me that everywhere, people fall into romantic love. I have come to see this passion as a fundamental human drive. Like the craving for food and water and the maternal instinct, it is a psychological need, a profound urge, an instinct to court and win a particular mating partner.”
Her next book, “Why Him? Why Her?” took the question to another level. “In it, I analyzed how people can find real love by understanding their personality type,” she shares.
The research of that book, which is the fifth she’s written in the last two decades, is the basis of the Chemistry.com questionnaire that matches people with appropriate brain chemistries. (More on that later.)
We begin our discussion with Dr. Helen by talking about that eternal question: Why do humans love?
WHY WE LOVE
Fisher says there are three basic mating drives, which inhabit different parts of our brains:
• Lust: The craving for sexual gratification, which emerged to motivate our ancestors to seek sexual union with almost any partner.
• Romantic Love: The elation and obsession of being in love with a mate, which enabled the ancients to focus their attention on a single individual at a time, and conserve time and energy.
• Attachment: The sense of peace and security one feels toward a long-time mate, which motivated our ancestors to stay together long enough to rear their young.
Although Fisher admits that the magic of love cannot be underestimated, she is convinced that the species’ need to procreate is the primary motivator behind all of these mating drives.
“If you have four children, and I have no children, your genes are going to live on and mine are going to die off,” she says. “ So we all know deep down inside that our sexual behavior is going to have important consequences.”
But what, exactly, is going on in the brain when we experience those feelings of lust, romantic love, and attachment?
The science of mating
To find out, Fisher used fMRI technology to actually look inside the brains of 40 men and women who said they were madly in love.
Her most important finding was that as lovers gazed at photos of their sweethearts, the fMRI showed activity in the caudate nucleus—the large shrimp-shaped region that sits deep near the center of the brain.
“It is a very primitive part of the brain, called the reptilian brain or R-complex because it evolved long before mammals proliferated some 65 million years ago,” Fisher explains, noting that this part of the brain is an enormous engine and part of the brain’s reward system.
The researchers also found that lovers have heightened activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA)—another central part of the reward circuitry of the brain.
“This result was what I was looking for,” says Fisher, who had hypothesized that romantic love is associated with elevated levels of dopamine and/ or norepinephrine, two key neurotransmitters. “The VTA is a mother lode of dopamine-making cells.
With their tentacle-like axons, these nerve cells distribute dopamine to many brain regions, including the caudate nucleus. And as this sprinkler system sends dopamine to many brain parts, it produces focused attention, as well as fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain a reward, and feelings of elation, even mania—the core feelings of romantic love.”
In other words, Fisher was able to actually observe chemical changes in the brain as her subjects looked at the photos of their loved ones, giving her an insider’s view of some of the chemical underpinnings of love.
Why Him? Why Her?
In 2006, Fisher was asked by Match.com to become the scientific advisor to a new sister site, Chemistry.com. Based on her fMRI research, she crafted Chemistry Profile, a personality assessment and matching system, which includes dozens of questions ranging from “is your sock drawer ready for public inspection?” to “Are your friends the social crowd, intellectuals, adventurers, or activists?”
Other questions ask the user to identify a mate’s ideal body type, fitness regime, favorite Friday night date, and religious preferences.
Although the questions seem straightforward, Fisher says she actually uses the answers to identify which chemicals are most dominant in the brain: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and/ or estrogen.
• Dopamine-driven Explorers: People with naturally high levels of dopamine tend to be risk-takers, novelty-seekers, artistic, creative, and curious. Fisher found that 26% of the 40,000 men and women she polled fell into this category.
• Serotonin-driven Builders: Those with a lot of serotonin tend to gravitate toward the traditional. They are calm, social, popular, loyal, conscientious, and tend to be organized and enjoy rules. Often, they are pillars of society and good in business. About 29% of the population polled fell into this category.
• Testosterone-driven Directors: This group is direct, and skilled at understanding rule-based systems. They tend to be highly analytical, logical, and emotionally contained. They are also bold and ambitious, and account for about 16% of Fisher’s polled population.
• Estrogen-driven Negotiators: Those with high amounts of estrogen have good people skills, an active imagination, are altruistic, idealistic, and nurturing. They tend to see the “big picture,” but are not very detail-oriented. Approximately 25% of the people polled fit into this category.
“Although everyone has a combination of chemicals, one or two tend to dominate,” Fisher explains. “I have found that time and again, dopamine-driven Explorers go for each other, serotonin-driven Builders are also attracted to each other. But, testosterone-driven Directors and estrogen-driven Negotiators are happiest when they mate.”
The reason, Fisher says, goes back to our basic drive to survive and propagate the species.
“If you are good at seeing the big picture, as Negotiators are, you need someone who is analytical and detail-oriented to help you survive so you look for a Director,” she says. “Similarly, if you are a traditionalist who is calm and really likes rules—as the serotonin-driven Builders are—you’ll want to mate with someone who looks at the world in the same logical, rule-based way you do.”
The future
Fisher’s research leads her to a few forecasts about the future of love and relationships.
“Since women started returning to the workforce a few decades ago, the balance of power between the sexes has shifted,” she notes, explaining that for centuries in hunting and gathering societies, women were on equal footing with men, going out to gather the evening meal and being equally responsible for the survival of the family and community.
“But with the invention of farming tools that required physical strength, women were relegated to seemingly secondary chores of keeping house and having children. Arranged marriages dominated, and mating became more of an economic and sometimes political agreement between families.”
Fisher expects this shift in male-female roles to gain strength. As more women graduate from college—not to mention earn almost as many PhDs as men—their economic and political power will only continue to grow, and Fisher expects women to “return to the place of power they held before the plow was invented.”
“Men are now being pressured to please a woman—or she won’t have them back,” Fisher insists. “Going forward, men are definitely going to have to work a little harder to get and keep a mate.”
Fisher also believes that the pursuit of romantic love later in life will increase. As more baby boomers hit 50—and realize they could live another 40-50 years—many will be looking around for someone new to “light their fire,” she forecasts. “Romantic love is deeply threaded into our human spirit. If we don’t have that in our lives, we feel like we are missing something. And we are.”
About Helen Fisher
A world-renowned anthropologist and an expert in the science of human attraction, Dr. Helen Fisher has authored four books: “The Sex Contract,” “Anatomy of Love,” “The First Sex,” and her most recent “Why We Love.” She is currently working on a fifth book about why we choose one partner over another.
Dr. Fisher is also a research associate in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. Her perspectives on love, sexuality, women, and gender differences have been featured in Time magazine, National Public Radio, NBC, the BBC, and CNN.
To find out which chemicals dominate your brain, take Helen Fisher’s quiz on www.chemistry.com. For more information about the author and her books, visit: www.helenfisher.com..
When it comes to finding a role model for finding success through resilience, Bethany Meilani Hamilton-Dirks is at the top of the list.
Born on February 8, 1990, the American professional surfer survived a 2003 shark attack in which her left arm was bitten off. Ultimately, she returned to professional surfing, and shared her experience in the 2004 autobiography “Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board.:http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Surfer-Story-Family-Fighting/dp/1416503463
In April 2011, the feature film “Soul Surfer” based on the book was released. Starring AnnaSophia Robb, Helen Hunt, and Dennis Quaid, the movie focuses on how Bethany is bolstered by the love of her parents who with her refusie to give up.
She planed to return to competition, although questions about her future continue to troubled her. Upon seeing the devastation in Thailand caused by the 2004 tsunami, Bethany discovered a greater purpose: to make a difference in the lives of others.
Here’s the back story.
On October 31, 2003 Bethany, then 13, went for a morning surf along Tunnels Beach, Kauai, with best friend Alana Blanchard, Alana’s father, Holt, and brother Byron. Around 7:30 a.m., with numerous turtles in the area, she was lying on her surfboard with her left arm dangling in the water, when a 14-foot tiger shark attacked her, severing her left arm just below the shoulder.
The Blanchards helped paddle her back to shore, then Alana’s father fashioned a tourniquet out of a surfboard leash and wrapped it around the stump of her arm. She was rushed to Wilcox Memorial Hospital. By the time she arrived there she had lost over 60% of her blood and was in hypovolemic shock.
A doctor living in a hotel nearby raced to the rescue. Her father, who was scheduled to have knee surgery that morning, was already there, but she took his place in the operating room. She spent a week in recovery before being released. During subsequent media interviews, she confirmed that she felt normal when she was bitten and did not feel much pain from the bite at the moment of the disaster, but felt numb on the way to the hospital.
When the news broke out of the shark attack, a family of fishermen led by Ralph Young presented to investigators photos of a 14-foot-long tiger shark they had caught and killed about one mile from the attack site. It had surfboard debris in its mouth. When measurements of its mouth were compared with those of Bethany broken board, it matched. In late 2004, the police officially confirmed that it was the one that attacked her. The broken surfboard that she was riding during the attack is on display at the California Surf Museum.
Despite the trauma of the incident, Bethany was determined to return to surfing. Three weeks after the incident, she returned to her board. Initially, she adopted a custom-made board that was longer and slightly thicker than standard and had a handle for her right arm, making it easier to paddle, and she learned to kick more to make up for the loss of her left arm. After teaching herself to surf with one arm, on January 10, 2004, she entered a major competition. She now uses standard competitive performance short-boards.
Since the attack, she has appeared as a guest on numerous television shows. Her manager, Roy “Dutch” Hofstetter, who went on to produce the film Soul Surfer, managed her rise through the media from shark attack victim to inspirational role model. The television shows she has appeared on include The Biggest Loser, 20/20, Good Morning America, Inside Edition, The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, The Today Show, and The Tonight Show, as well as in magazines People, Time, and American Girl. Additionally, she was the cover story in the premier issue of niNe magazine.
In 2004 she won the ESPY Award for Best Comeback Athlete and also received the Courage Teen Choice Award.
Bethany plays herself in the film “Dolphin Tale 2,” which revolves around the baby dolphin Hope’s story. Filming began in Clearwater, Florida, on October 7, 2013. It was released on September 12, 2014. Bethany and her husband, Adam Dirks, competed as a team on the 25th season of The Amazing Race, finishing in third place. Filmed in June 2014, it premiered on September 26 on CBS.
At just 80something years young, Rita Moreno remains one of the busiest stars in show business. The publication of her book, “Rita Moreno: A Memoir,” was followed by a starring role in the premier of “Life Without Make-Up,” an original play about her life. She also appears regularly as Fran Drescher’s mother in TVLand’s “Happily Divorced.”
In addition, Moreno frequently travels for concerts and lectures. Such creative diversity has been the hallmark of her nearly 70-year career.
Moreno belongs to an elite group of only eight living performers who have won the grand slam of the entertainment industry’s most prestigious awards: The Oscar, The Emmy, The Tony, and The Grammy.
Her Oscar win came in 1962 as Latina spitfire Anita in the film version of “West Side Story,” for which she also won The Golden Globe. The Tony was for her 1975 comedic triumph as Googie Gomez in Broadway’s “The Ritz.” The Grammy was for her 1972 performance on “The Electric Company Album,” based on the long-running children’s television series. She won not one, but two Emmys—the first for a 1977 variety appearance on “The Muppet Show” and the following year for a dramatic turn on “The Rockford Files.”
Over the decades, she has collected dozens of other show business awards, including a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1995. A favorite of Chicago audiences and critics, Moreno received that city’s coveted Joseph Jefferson Award in 1968 as Serafina in “The Rose Tatoo” and in 1985 was awarded the prestigious Sara Siddons Award for her hilarious portrayal of Olive Madison in the female version of “The Odd Couple.”
Be Inkandescent: Thank you for being here today, Rita. Let’s start off by talking about your new memoir.
Rita Moreno: It’s about my life, from when I was born in Puerto Rico to right now. It’s more a memoir than an autobiography because thing’s aren’t told in chronological order, as they would be in an autobiography. I really wanted to avoid, “Then I said …, then I wrote …, then this happened to me.” I wanted it to be very personal, which I believe it is.
Be Inkandescent: And it’s quite funny.
Rita Moreno: Thank you! That was the goal. It covers a Hollywood that no longer exists—a Hollywood filled with racial bias. But in ways that were subtle, at least to a 17-year-old girl, until I fully got it. It took a long time to get it. And it does have some delicious anecdotes—the Anna Miller story, and I’m just going to say it that way, is really hilarious. There’s also the Jack Nicholson story, when we did a film called “Carnal Knowledge,” which is pretty funny.
Be Inkandescent: There are also some very sad parts.
Rita Moreno: While writing the book, I spent a great deal of time crying. A lot of wounds that I felt were healed turned out to have a very thin scab on them. That was terrific because I exorcised all kinds of things. I forgave my mother, which was very, very important.
It’s not that she did such terrible things, it’s that there were things I just couldn’t get out of my mind. And I think probably the most profound thing I said in the Q&A today at the Professional BusinessWomen of California Conference was: “Don’t hang on to resentments.”
And boy, I have plenty that I can think about, you know, just with the racial bias issue alone. And it’s really good advice that I gave, and I hope people took me seriously when I said that. People live with a lot of anger. All of us. And writing the memoir was a marvelous way to kind of ameliorate some of that, or soften it, or say, “Oh, for God’s sake, get off it! Now look around you, look at your grandchildren. What do you want, you selfish little Puerto Rican?” And the selfish little Puerto Rican answered, “I want everything!”
Be Inkandescent: Last night you addressed a core group of conference attendees and talked about when you were a little girl, how your mom couldn’t say her vowels. That told us a lot about your childhood and your relationship with your mom. Tell that story.
Rita Moreno: My mom had a great battle with vowels. Every fourth Saturday we would change the sheets in the apartment. And she’d say, “Rosita! Today is Saturday, you know what that means? It’s time to change the shits.” And things like, “Going swimming at the ‘bitch.’” And lots of others that were really obscene, that I can’t tell you! Oh, my God, my poor brother. Let me put it this way, my brother was going to Le Cont junior high. You follow my lead? She would say the name of the school and poor Dennis would say, “Mom, why don’t you just say ‘junior high’?” But she wouldn’t because she was so proud of it, “Oh, he goes to ‘blah blah Junior High.” It’s funny coming out of a very, very innocent woman.
Be Inkandescent: Did your upbringing feed your dream of being an actress and a dancer?
Rita Moreno: I knew that I wanted to perform. And I did perform for my grandpa when I was very young. And very soon after I arrived in New York City, a friend of my mother’s, who was a Spanish dancer, saw me bopping around the apartment and said, “You know, I think Rosita has talent, would you let me take her to my dancing teacher?” That was a man named Paco Cancino, who as it turned out, was actress Rita Hayworth’s uncle. Her name originally was Margarita Cancino, and that’s how it started. I mean I was what, 5! A baby!
Be Inkandescent: And then what? How did that process progress?
Rita Moreno: I took more lessons, including ballet. I began to audition for things, I did a lot of radio for a while. Somehow I always ended up being the girl who would say, “But I’m telling you! I saw that Lady in the grotto, and she wore a blue veil!” “Get that child out of here, she’s mad.” [Laughs] We have a Maria hour. I was always playing the little girl who saw visions, and they always thought she was insane. [Laughs]
Be Inkandescent: Was it weird to be a kid and an actress, or was it perfectly natural?
Rita Moreno: To me, it was like waking up in the morning. In Puerto Rico, I was dancing professionally, except I didn’t call it a job at the time. It wasn’t a profession, it was just something I liked to do. And my grandpa just loved to see me, and I was a really cute little girl. If you look at the back cover of the book, there’s a picture I adore of me with a huge bow on my head, holding my skirt way up, wearing a dress that my mother made for me.
I look at myself then and I think, “Isn’t that the cutest little girl!” You know, big brown eyes. I have a baby picture that I adore; I actually kiss it now and then. Such innocence, such purity, oh man, I adore children. They’re pure, they’re pure, and it’s horrifying to see what we do to children. It’s horrifying. It’s abusive. Fernando, my daughter’s name is Fernando Luisa, I say to her all the time and she gets so embarrassed, “You were my last good egg!”
Be Inkandescent: How old were you when you had her?
Rita Moreno: I was 33. And that was considered old! A couple of years later, people started getting pregnant at 37, 38, and 40! That would have been really creepy at the time. But people just started to say, “To hell with it! I’ll get pregnant. I feel fine, I feel healthy,” and it was fine.
Be Inkandescent: Do you have grandchildren?
Rita Moreno: I have two boys who are my air and my light in my life. My daughter is my soul.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us about “West Side Story.” That was one of your classic performances and has lived on for generations. How did you get the part?
Rita Moreno: I had already worked with Jerome Robbins on “The King and I,” and for those who don’t know his name, he was a genius choreographer who eventually also co-directed “West Side Story” with Robert Wise. But I auditioned like everybody else; I auditioned for the singing, I auditioned for the dancing, I auditioned for the candy store scene where the boys abused her.
And I’m still auditioning. When I went to see about playing Fran Drescher’s mother, I had to audition. And I hate it, because I’m not good at auditions. But this was funny, and it was a very New York thing, and that came very naturally, because I had many Jewish friends from New York who came either from Brooklyn or the Bronx. So that was an easy audition; none before or since then has been easy.
Be Inkandescent: What was your favorite performance?
Rita Moreno: Well, my favorite performance really wasn’t on film. It was playing Norma Desmond, in “Sunset Boulevard” in London. And one other, in San Francisco, playing Maria Callas in “Master Class.” That was extraordinary.
The characters were written in such a rich way, and the fun of playing Maria Callas, as well as Norma Desmond for that matter, is that you are free to really ham it up. And that can be a trap.
It’s s easy to go too far. You can drag out all those syllables, and fall in love with yourself, you know, and your accent! There are all kinds of acting traps, all kinds, and I really pride myself on pulling back, having the control to do that. That’s a very big part of my technique, you could say, and I see myself overdoing some nights, and I get embarrassed, I really get embarrassed, and I go to the dressing room and say “Don’t do that! It’s shameful!”
Be Inkandescent: What was your favorite film?
Rita Moreno: I had a very tiny part in it, but “Singing in the Rain” was just incredible. I love that movie. And of course “West Side Story,” it gave me the opportunity of a lifetime, it brought me back to dance. At the time that I auditioned for “West Side Story,” I hadn’t danced in about 10 years. I hadn’t moved a muscle. I was about 25. Old enough. And those dances were like being asked to play three sets of tennis, one after the other. The stuff is very difficult. Great, gorgeous.
Be Inkandescent: Were you friends with the cast, did you stay friends with Natalie Wood?
Rita Moreno: Oh, sure. Well, Natalie no, but Natalie was cool. She wasn’t rude, she wasn’t standoffish, but I think she felt uncomfortable. She felt as if—and she was right—that she was out of her element.
Don’t you think so, when you saw the movie? I think the cast was dying to become friendly with her, and she didn’t know enough to invite everybody over to her house one Sunday, you know, “Come on, go to the pool, swim, have some hotdogs and beer, get drunk, whatever.” That’s all she had to do, they were dying to be acknowledged by her. But she just didn’t know any better, truly.
Be Inkandescent: Are you friendly with Fran Drescher?
Rita Moreno: Oh, God, yes. She’s just terrific. I’m waiting to hear if we’re going to be picked up for that, it’s been a very long wait, so I am a little concerned that maybe we won’t be picked up. There’s no business like show business.
Be Inkandescent: And you just got back from a big trip to Budapest where you filmed a movie with Gena Rowlands.
Rita Moreno: I’ve always loved her, and it was an absolute pleasure to be with her. Cheyenne Jackson’s in it, too. It is based on a play called “Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks,” and it’s a play that everybody does, including directors in Budapest! It’s been running there for about 60 years. Isn’t that crazy?
Rita Moreno: I think it’s because of the way we’re brought up. I don’t think it’s complicated and I don’t think it’s that subtle. Of course as a Latina, inevitably I was brought up to be a nice girl, a good girl, and my mother let me know on no uncertain terms, without in any way meaning to sound cruel, that if I weren’t a little girl, she would take her love away. She didn’t put it that way, but I understood what it meant.
It’s very difficult to get over that. I didn’t have anything like all those wonderful programs that exist nowadays for young people, particularly innercity young people. Who knows what I might have accomplished, if I had been one of those children.
Be Inkandescent: Like what?
Rita Moreno: Like not having to wait for almost 40 years to do “West Side Story.” That’s what I mean. You know, I admit it, I envy Jennifer Lopez, who got in there, and did all that wonderful stuff. You know, good for her, but I am envious of that access. She doesn’t have to talk with an accent. If anything, she talks with kind of a Bronxier, Brooklyn-y accent, and it doesn’t matter, and she’s Latina. And her name is Jennifer Lopez. So it’s very different.
The door is ajar. It’s not wide open, and it’s heavy, and you have to push hard, but it’s ajar. And that I can play Fran Drescher’s Jewish mother from the Bronx, you know, is just fabulous, but it took me until 80 to do this! That’s when I get envious. There are so many things I would have loved to have done, or at least auditioned for. I couldn’t even audition for things, really. “Oh, you mean Rita Moreno? No, she’s Hispanic. She’s Spanish.” So I didn’t have a chance! You really have to make your own way, you have to persevere, and it’s very, very hard to persevere when you feel that you don’t have value, and I really felt that way for too many years.
Be Inkandescent: But you kept on.
Rita Moreno: There was something that drove me, it’s true. Isn’t that interesting? Something in me, I say it in the book. I just knew that I had talent and that some way, somehow, somebody would see it. And it was Jerry Roberts, really, who was maybe the meanest man in the world.
Be Inkandescent: But he saw talent. And clearly, you have it. So what’s next for you?
Rita Moreno: I’m going to go back to doing some concerts and cabaret, which I really love. And I’m hoping that the series comes back, I really do. I had a great time, more than that, it gave me a kind of recognition that you just can’t get anywhere else. Television, it’s astonishing.
It’s amazing how when I would go on talk shows to talk about the book, there was a huge bump up of sales. It’s just astonishing. TV is very, very powerful. You know, I hope to do some more TV, films if I can get them. I’d love to do more films if I can. But you know, Shirley MacLaine has a hard time, so what do you think it’s like for me? Right? Right.
But I can tell you this, I will always be working because I love it. I mean I can see them wheeling me in a gurney, or on roller skates, and having the leading man say, “Can you get that old broad off the stage? I’m gonna kill her!”
Be Inkandescent: What do you hope your legacy will be?
Rita Moreno: That I persevered. I really think that’s what it’s all about. Perseverance. You have to find a way, even when you don’t believe in yourself, to believe in yourself. Don’t even ask me how that’s done, it just happened.
Be Inkandescent: We are very glad you did, and we hope all of our readers and listeners will take your sage advice to heart. To get your copy of “Rita Moreno: A Memoir,” click here. And be sure to listen to our podcast interview with Moreno on the Inkandescent Radio Network.
Who she is: When it comes to achieving the life you are dreaming of, no one is better at helping you get on track than a life coach. Amy Steindler is a case in point.
What she does: Amy’s Annapolis company, InsightOut Life, is helping dozens of professionals get on track so they can have the lives they have only dreamed of—but were afraid to seize.
Why she does it: “After working through my own career transition, I started noticing how many others felt confined to jobs or relationships because they knew on some level that it was wrong for them,” Amy says. “I realized that I had finally arrived at that proverbial intersection of what the world needed and what I had to offer. The timing couldn’t have been better, and my mentor, Martha Beck, helped me find my own mission—some sort of cosmic recruitment, pulling people into their right lives, helping them find their way, helping to mend them, and by extension, the world.”
What does it mean to live the life you deserve? It’s a tough concept to contemplate for many 21st century “human doings,” who were brought up to believe that if we followed the rules, got As and worked our hearts out, that we’d meet with success—or at least some semblance of it.
Then life happened. Careers, bosses, bad economies, missed opportunities, husbands, kids. Some good. Some not so much. And at every turn, there we were—wondering if this is the best we can do, the most we can have.
Sure, “it’s all good,” but in those moments when we’re just not sure that it actually is, when we’re down on our knees in a puddle of “caterpillar goo,” it’s good to know there is a guiding light like Amy Steindler.
We talked to her about how she came to become a life coach, how she sets goals, and how she helps others set and stick to theirs.
Hope Gibbs: I understand that you came to Insight Coaching after 29 years in sales and management, working for big corporations and a Wall Street firm whose names we would recognize.
Amy Steindler: That’s right. I was successful no matter what I did, which was a blessing AND a curse, making it harder to uncover what I really, truly, LOVED to do. I stumbled into my sales career without much consideration, going from job to job without a plan. Over time, I realized that my “career” felt hollow, but I had no idea what else to do.
In 2008, I took three of my four weeks of vacation all at once to see if time and distance would give me some perspective. After 17 days of quiet bliss, rafting the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon in October, I emerged somewhat changed. Everything looked different. Little did I know that I had returned to a completely changed world.
Hope Gibbs: Let me guess.
Amy Steindler: Yes, the market had fallen off a cliff that made the Grand Canyon look like a crack in the sidewalk. I went back to work, and was truly, madly, deeply miserable. I began to question why I was spending precious days stressed and unhappy. Once I noticed what I was feeling, I had an epiphany: I wasn’t living authentically, I was going through the motions to bring home a comfortable paycheck. So I set some new goals for myself.
Hope Gibbs: Tell us about the process. It must have been difficult.
Amy Steindler: It was difficult, but I knew I wanted to choose a life that allowed me to express my creativity and my true nature. I left my job in the worst economy since the Depression to honor a longtime dream to spend a month snowboarding. It was the first time I ever really allowed myself to fulfill a dream, and it felt amazing. But when the month was up, I was at a loss. I wanted that amazing dream-fulfillment feeling to be part of my day-to-day life, but I had no idea how to have that.
I interviewed with other financial firms, just to make sure I wasn’t throwing away the career of a lifetime. As you can imagine, it still didn’t feel good. It was a confusing and disorienting time, and I had no idea how to proceed. What I really needed to do was to allow myself time to dream about the things I loved to do.
That’s when I discovered the work of Martha Beck, whom you may know as a columnist for O, The Oprah Magazine, and the author of several books, including “Finding Your Own North Star.”
I learned how to let go of my old beliefs about who I was supposed to be, and focused on my unique gift, which turned out to be life coaching. I set a goal to get my life-coaching certification, and here we are.
Hope Gibbs: Tell us more about your practice. How do you help your clients set goals, or do you take another approach to helping them find the life they yearn for?
Amy Steindler: The most important thing about setting goals is to make sure you’re ridiculously excited about achieving them. Question any goal that doesn’t feel absolutely delicious, and be aware of your body’s reaction. If it makes your heart want to fly out of your chest on wings when you think about it, it’s the right goal for you.
If you feel the distinct sensation of wearing shackles, and a pit of dread in your stomach, rethink it. My clients know that you can’t set goals until you truly understand and embrace your life’s purpose, which is deeply challenging and highly rewarding work, and often is what has led them to seek my help. After that, goal setting is a joyful process, rather than drudgery.
Hope Gibbs: How has this new life changed your perspective on goal setting?
Amy Steindler: I no longer set goals that I think I’m supposed to achieve, but focus only on those that come from my essential self—that tiny, internal wise person who knows what’s best for me. I can’t become an expert in something unless I’m so interested in doing it that I lose track of time. That’s one way to know—without a doubt—that you are on your true path.
Hope Gibbs: Can you give us an example of the goals you are setting for 2012?
Amy Steindler: I’m wildly excited about combining life coaching with other creative disciplines to give clients multiple opportunities to discover and embrace their essential selves. I’m creating another Through Your Own Lens retreat, which uses photography as a tool for self-exploration.
I am also thrilled to be working with a ceramic artist to create a workshop where we use clay to give physical form to how our fears hold us back. I’ve got a couple of extremely fun workshops coming up in February and March that use snowboarding as the doorway to unlock new insights about how the riders live their lives. I could go on, but I might burst into flames.
Hope Gibbs: We could talk all day, I’m sure, but to finish up, can you share some thoughts on goals that you are hearing your clients set for 2012? Is there any pattern or trend that you are picking up on?
Amy Steindler: My business clients want to build their businesses while remaining true to their authentic selves, and it’s difficult for them to make the leap of faith that requires them to let go of the fears that drive them to take on work, or clients, that they don’t have a crazy, joyful passion for.
Their goal-setting is focused on allowing themselves to set boundaries for their businesses that help attract clients who appreciate their work, and pay them on time. My individual clients face fears about leaving “secure” soul-sucking jobs and speaking out clearly about what they really love to do.
It’s hard for them to believe that everyone has the ability to do what they love, AND make a living at it. It’s my job to help them see exactly how that’s possible. Their goals are about letting their light shine, trusting themselves, and enjoying the process.
Inspired by philosopher John Rawls and his concept, A Theory of Justice, Vienna, VA fine artist Judith Peck has taken a legal idea and translated it into a powerful series of paintings called “Original Position.”
Peck — who is sister to two lawyers and mother to an aspiring law student — explains that Rawls’ ideas spoke to her long-time devotion to painting social justice issues.
“It is a method of determining the morality of a certain issue, such as slavery, which is based upon the principle that societal roles were completely re-fashioned and redistributed, and that from behind your veil of ignorance you do not know what role you will be reassigned.
“Only then can you truly consider the morality of an issue,” Peck explains. “The metaphor of the veil is a powerful one, and what I use to enable the viewer’s experience in this collection of work.”
The power behind the paintings
When she starts a new painting, Peck applies all of the selected colors and then saturates them with layers of glaze to achieve a luminous vibrancy.
“With jeweled tones and dramatic lighting, I create a presence that can be seen in the figure,” she says. “Captured in their gaze is the knowledge that the person has experienced life fully and has moved beyond life’s challenges. I’ve painted my models to have a glow distinct from the background that might otherwise envelop them.”
This is exemplified in her current series, “Original Position,” which uses the imagery of veils to pull viewers in so they can investigate their own ideas about fairness.
“The warmly resonant face on the canvas moves viewers out of complacency and evokes social urgency,” she notes. “The paintings are intimate and viewed up close create the sense of looking into a mirror to meet eyes that ask inescapable questions. Beauty and pain, life, and death, they all come into balance.”
The goal, Peck says, is to have the viewer become the philosopher.
“My hope is that they will be drawn into introspection on the meaning and preciousness of life,” she adds. “Art becomes poetry, and poetry stirs into philosophy, leaving the viewer subtly changed.”
What people are saying about Peck’s newest collection
“Judith Peck’s strong, cerebral paintings are beautifully rendered,” says the show’s curator Roxana Martin. “The luminous, jeweled colors arrest the eye. The paintings explore issues of fairness and justice and are inspired by John Rawls’ thought experiment. There is a palpable tension in the dialogue between the images and the viewer. This is a worthwhile exhibition.”
About Fine Artist Judith Peck
Born in Brooklyn in 1957, Judith Peck has made it her life’s work to paint about the history and healing of social injustice. A graduate of the George Washington University with a degree in fine arts, she has exhibited her work in venues nationwide, including the Center for Civil and Human Rights in Atlanta, GA, and the Rhonda Schaller Studio in Chelsea, NY, as well as in such print media as Ori Soltes’ book The Ashen Rainbow: Essays on the Arts and the Holocaust and the San Francisco City Concert Opera Orchestra’s announcement for “Die Weisse Rose.”
Congrats to Shoshana Grove, the former federal executive who began her career as a letter carrier for the US Postal Service in Washington, DC, and worked her way up through the ranks to her current position as head of the Office of Secretary & Administration for the Postal Regulatory Commission.
On Dec. 9, she was appointed CEO of International Bridge, a leading provider of small-parcel delivery services in the United States and Asia.
Her primary responsibility will be to drive the company’s global parcel delivery strategies.
“We are extremely pleased that Shoshana is joining our team,” says John Farley, founder of International Bridge. “Her extensive experience in postal operations and in leadership roles within the postal community will be a great asset as we expand our unique parcel delivery solutions in the international marketplace.”
Company president Kevin Unbedacht added, “We are thrilled to have Shoshana on our team. Her expertise, insight, and leadership capabilities will help us leverage our solutions as we broaden our operations globally.”
Grove notes: “I’m excited to join International Bridge at a time of unprecedented growth for the company. There is an increasing demand for high quality, low cost, end-to-end package delivery solutions, particularly in the growing cross-border segment, and that’s exactly what our company has to offer.”
Scroll down for our Q&A.
Who she is: Shoshana Grove is a federal executive who began her career as a letter carrier for the US Postal Service in Washington, DC, and worked her way up through the ranks to head the Office of Secretary & Administration for the Postal Regulatory Commission. In 2015 she became the CEO of International Bridge, a leading provider of small-parcel delivery services in the United States and Asia.
What she does: Shoshana has also held leadership positions with the National Association of Postmasters of the United States and was a vocal advocate for postmasters. And, in 2013, she was the president of Executive Women in Government. Its mission is to prepare, promote, and support women for senior leadership positions in the federal government and the military through networking, shared knowledge and experience, and mentoring.
Why she does it: “One of my prime motivators was to ensure that all workers, not just women, have a professional workplace and equal opportunity for advancement. I became very active in my district with training, development, and mentoring aimed at improving diversity among postal management,” Grove says. “I also held leadership positions with the National Association of Postmasters of the United States and was a vocal advocate for postmasters.”
The Powerhouse Behind Executive Women in Government
Be Inkandescent Magazine: Tell us about Executive Women in Government.
Shoshana Grove:EWG was founded in 1974 and is an organization of senior women executives who serve in the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of the federal government. The organization advocates for the advancement of women in senior leadership positions in the federal government and provides members an opportunity to become better acquainted with other senior government and corporate women through collective action in public service.
A primary mission is to improve the status of women in the federal government. Currently, only 30 percent of Senior Executive Service jobs are held by women, even though women make up 50 percent of the federal workforce. Only 108 (20%) of the 535 people in Congress are women, though that is an improvement over 19 percent in the previous Congress. EWG is also committed to seeing more women on corporate boards.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: Do you work at all with the private sector?
Shoshana Grove: Most definitely. Senior government executives are a candidate pool for top corporate jobs, and government is recruiting senior private-sector executives. EWG works closely with top private-sector women executives, and together we form cooperative relationships to effect change.
But consider this statistic: In 2013, women occupied just 16.9 percent of Fortune 500 board seats, according to the 2013 Catalyst Census — even though the data show that companies with the highest average percentage of women directors outperformed companies in the bottom quartile by 26 percent, measured by return on invested capital. So there is plenty of room for us to grow.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: How did you get involved with EWG?
Shoshana Grove: The way many great opportunities arise — through volunteerism. A few years ago, a fellow executive who knew about my work with Women in Logistics and Delivery Services asked me to be a mentor as part of the EWG Mentor/Protégé Program. I became an active participant, and this past year the nominating committee reached out to me to run for vice president of the organization.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: You are active in Women in Logistics and Delivery Services (WILDS). Tell us more about this initiative.
Shoshana Grove: I first heard about WILDS by word of mouth while attending the National Postal Forum several years ago. At that time it was a rather rogue women’s networking group. I subsequently joined the organization and volunteered my time. I wrote an article on the group for a national trade magazine, organized events ranging from social networking happy hours to speaking events with top industry and congressional decision-makers, and I became active in the WILDS mentoring program.
I was assigned a wonderful mentor, one of the top women in the Postal Service, and met other powerful industry women who have helped me in my career. More importantly, these women have been the foundation of a supportive friendship circle that enriches my life and my work in uncountable ways. Today WILDS has grown in size, but is still a grassroots, all-volunteer organization promoting women’s leadership in the postal and delivery industries. Our programming is providing thought leadership in the delivery and logistics industries, and that provides a catalyst for positive change.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: What accomplishments have you made in improving the role of blue-collar women in government?
Shoshana Grove: The US Department of Transportation Task Force on Women in Blue Collar Careers is focused on creating opportunities through outreach and awareness about blue-collar careers — including education, awareness, and removing barriers to entry. Blue-collar jobs often pay better than the minimum-wage jobs that many young woman and working mothers perform, but the barriers to entering these jobs are daunting for many women. They include difficult work culture, and lack of basic skills and information about opportunities.
As someone who started my career in a blue-collar job, I understand both the challenges and rewards of this type of work. Many of our WILDS members are leaders in companies with a large blue-collar workforce, and EWG is interested in positive change for women at every level of their careers. My hope is that the Task Force will bring additional resources to this important effort.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: Let’s talk about your work with the Postal Service. You started as a letter carrier. Was that when you were in college at GW University in DC?
Shoshana Grove: I first started as a letter carrier at the Postal Service as a summer job while in college. At that time, being a letter carrier was a very nontraditional job for women. I was one of only two women starting out at an all-male carrier unit in DC.
It was very challenging physically, mentally, and psychologically, and I enjoyed that. After college and a brief stint on Capitol Hill, I went back into the Postal Service thinking that my background would enable me to quickly move up into a managerial and ultimately corporate headquarters role. I didn’t realize at the time that it would take me more than 25 years to get to headquarters.
In those 25 years, I had many firsts in the large postal administrations where I worked: first woman supervisor, first woman station manager, and ultimately one of the first women big-city postmasters. By then, other women were entering the field and working their way up in the delivery services ranks, and we provided an informal support network for each other.
One of my prime motivators was to ensure that all workers, not just women, have a professional workplace and equal opportunity for advancement. I became very active in my district with training, development, and mentoring aimed at improving diversity among postal management. I also held leadership positions with the National Association of Postmasters of the United States and was a vocal advocate for postmasters.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: The reason we had the opportunity to meet you is thanks to an interview I did with your mother, author and GW English professor Faye Moskowitz, who hosts the popular class, Jewish Literature Live. How has she impacted your life?
Shoshana Grove: My mom is the busiest, most productive woman I know, and indeed, the more she does, the more it seems she can do. Typical of her generation, my mom married young and did not have a paid job outside the home while I was growing up in Detroit. Even so, she worked every day for the local Democratic Party. Our family came to DC when my dad got a job on Capitol Hill — a job he attributes to my mom’s efforts.
She didn’t go to college and finish her degree until she was almost 40, and since then her career has been on an upward trajectory that has not slowed down. Mom is not only a full-time professor and former department chair at GW; she is an acclaimed author and speaker, the Poetry Editor for Moment Magazine, and on GW’s Tenure and Promotions Committee.
Her huge home is always immaculate, she walks with her friendship group every day, she does water aerobics, is socially and culturally active, and she still puts dinner on the table for my dad, her biggest fan, every night, even though he is an avowed feminist. I’m still striving to accomplish half of what my mom can get done in a day.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: Tell us more about your perspective on Women in Power. Since you first became a professional, do you think women have made strides?
Shoshana Grove: No doubt women have made strides in the workplace during my career, as have minorities, but there is obviously still work to do. Look at the numbers. Subtle and overt discrimination still exists in the workplace at every level. One of the first bills President Obama signed into law during his first term was the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, addressing an issue that is still prevalent in the workplace.
Be Inkandescent Magazine: What are you looking forward to in the future — in terms of the growth of women in the workforce, and also personally.
Shoshana Grove: I have great hopes for the achievements of this next generation. I love this quote from Morley Winograd and Michael Hais, authors of Millennial Momentum, who also have been Be Inkandescent magazine columnists. Here’s to the future!
“Millennials have overwhelmingly turned their backs on conventional notions about the place of women in society, making their generation the most gender-neutral, if not female-driven, in US history.”
Don’t stop now! Click here to read Shoshana Grove’s 10 tips for women who want to land top jobs and be successful executives in government in our column, Tips for Entrepreneurs.
By Hope Katz Gibbs Originally printed in the November issue of theCostco Connection
Though Theodore Seuss Geisel died on Sept. 24, 1991, nearly 25 years later, on July 28, 2015, Random House gave us a remarkable gift — a new book by the most beloved children’s book author of all time: “What Pet Should I Get?”
In classic Seuss style, readers will find familiar characters, colors, and the anapestic tetrameter that the good doctor made famous. Plus, we get a few more lessons in the art of growing up.
“What I love about this book is that it’s about a classic childhood moment: choosing a pet,” explains Cathy Goldsmith — the art director at Random House who worked with Dr. Seuss for the last 11 years of his life (1980-1991).
Click on the video below to watch a brief interview with Goldsmith, who gives a behind-the-scenes look at the making of Dr. Seuss’s newer-than-new new book.
“It also drives home another essential message: Make up your mind,” says Goldsmith, referring to the portion of the story where the children are behaving as do most kids — and some adults — when having to choose from a cornucopia of possibilities. They ask:
“What if we took
one of each kind of pet?
Then our house would be full of the pets
we could get.”
But then they reconsider.
“NO …
Dad would be mad.
We could only have one.
If we do not choose,
we will end up with NONE.”
Goldsmith, now 65, seems as amused by the book as most kids will be. And for good reason. Now the president and publisher of the Beginner Books line and the Dr. Seuss publishing program at Random House, she was one of the first recipients of a call from Dr. Seuss’ widow, Audrey, who discovered the unpublished manuscript in the fall of 2013.
“We got the call as soon as she rediscovered the box filled with pages of text and sketches, which she had originally found shortly after Ted’s death in 1991 while remodeling their home,” Goldsmith shares. “But it spent all this time forgotten in a closet in his office until Audrey and Ted’s longtime secretary, Claudia Prescott, were cleaning house.”
Three days later, Goldsmith flew to Geisel’s La Jolla, CA, home to check out the treasure.
“The contents of the box were placed in neat piles on a glass-top table, and ‘What Pet’ was there waiting for us,” recalls Goldsmith, who estimates it was written between 1958 and 1962 because the starring brother and sister team are the same characters featured in Geisel’s 1960 best-selling beginning reader book, “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.”
Once the new book was in her hands, Goldsmith says she felt guided by Geisel. “My connection to Ted remains as vital as it was when we worked closely together years ago — I know he is looking down, watching over the process, and I feel a tremendous responsibility to do everything just as he would have done himself.”
A native New Yorker, Goldsmith has always had a passion for art, but her parents insisted on a liberal arts education.
After graduating from Cornell University, Goldsmith gravitated to the publishing world. On a friend’s suggestion, she applied for a job as assistant art director at Random House, and landed the gig. That was nearly four decades ago.
“I can honestly say that working with Ted, and many other amazing authors and illustrators here, I’ve enjoyed just about every moment of my career,” Goldsmith insists. “I still have some things I’d like to do — such as work on a few more of the findings from that box that Audrey Geisel found. So perhaps some of the best is yet to come.”
On Oct. 25, 2015, the world lost dynamo Mary Dolores Waters. The Oct. 28 Washington Post obituary describes her as having had “a long and lucrative career in the public relations field and played an integral part in the creation of the Committee for Dulles.”
Scroll down to read what The Inkandescent Group thinks made her a Truly Amazing Woman.
Who she was: The powerhouse behind the creation of the Committee for Dulles, a coalition of businesses, organizations, and individuals dedicated to the effective and orderly development of Dulles Airport and its environs.
What she did: In the start of her career, Mary made a living as a writer, public relations expert, and advertising executive for the Vienna News, but soon transferred to the newsroom when the editor saw that Waters would be an asset as a reporter and travel writer. Other area publications picked up her stories and soon the Washington Star, Washington Times, and Journal newspapers began carrying her work. Her connections helped her make changes she believe were needed — from helping grow the Dulles Airport area to forming the Fairfax Heritage Society, which worked to preserve Sully Plantation on Route 28 south of Dulles Airport. And more.
Why she did it: “Oh, I just loved it all,” said Mary. “I visited dozens of foreign countries, dined with royalty — more than once — and rubbed elbows with some of the world’s most rich and famous. It has been a wonderful ride. My wish is that every woman enjoys their life as much as I have.”
FEARLESSFLYER
By Hope Katz Gibbs
Mary Waters mastered the fine art of networking long before it became vital for every savvy, career-minded professional. This dynamic woman’s forte lay in building relationships — whether linking a young job seeker with a prospective employer or lobbying on behalf of Washington Dulles International Airport.
Waters was the powerhouse behind the Committee for Dulles, a coalition of businesses, organizations, and individuals dedicated to the effective and orderly development of Dulles Airport and its environs. The Ashburn, VA, resident also founded the Potomac Society, an organization that brings together female journalists for networking and social functions in the Greater Washington area.
Years ago, Waters led the formation of the Fairfax Heritage Society, which worked to preserve Sully Plantation on Route 28 south of Dulles Airport.
“Mary is not just a cheerleader,” says Keith Meurlin, the manager of Dulles Airport. “As airports continue to grow, they are often not able to sustain relationships with the community. Because of Mary Waters, we’ve been able to maintain those relationships at Dulles.”
For years, Waters made a living as a writer and public relations expert. She started her career as an advertising executive for the Vienna News, but soon transferred to the newsroom when the editor saw that Waters would be an asset as a reporter and travel writer. Other area publications picked up her stories and soon the Washington Star, Washington Times and Journal newspapers began carrying her work.
Swiss Air also fancied her travel columns and Waters if she might like to see Switzerland firsthand. After that, the native Washingtonian decided she would definitely enjoy seeing the world and embarked on a publicist’s life of travel, writing, and event-planning.
Her clients included Swiss Air, Fin Air, and Air Italia, but it was Air France that hired her to work full-time. For 17 years she represented the company in the Washington region, leading press trips to France and celebrating the annual Waiter’s Race on Bastille Day in Washington, DC.
“Oh, I just loved it all,” says Waters, during a recent lunch at the Dulles Hyatt, one of her favorite area haunts. “I visited dozens of foreign countries, dined with royalty — more than once — and rubbed elbows with some of the world’s most rich and famous.”
Waters, however, still considered herself the down-to-earth girl who was raised blocks from Catholic University and graduated from St. Anthony’s, Notre Dame High, and Immaculata College.
She also called Capitol Hill home. Early in her career she landed a job working as an executive assistant for Richard Welch, a congressman from California credited with building the Golden Gate Bridge. She also worked for Edna Kelly, a New York congresswoman, who helped pass the Equal Pay Act of 1963, providing women with equal pay for equal work.
Her political career was sidelined for a few years when Waters launched a second career, as a mother. Within four years of getting married, she had given birth to four children — Susan, Sharon, Sheilagh, and Ray. Five years later, Waters had another daughter, Kathleen.
Her foray back into the workforce came when her children were in high school. In the decades since, her career not only flourished, but Waters found time to mentor some of the area’s most successful businesswomen, including Kristina Bouwieri, owner of Reston Limousine in Sterling, and Georgia Graves, president of Bridgeman Communications.
As Graves says, “Mary’s name is highly regarded in this region. She is someone whom I not only respect and admire, but a woman who provides stability and vision to any organization she chooses to participate in. She is highly knowledgeable, persistent, and determined. But mostly, Mary is one of those people who can turn an ordinary idea into something spectacular. She is truly a Loudoun icon.”
The longtime dream of growing grapes and having her own vineyard started taking shape in 2001. That was the year Lori Corcoran and her husband, Jim, started prepping the fields on their Waterford, VA, property. They were embarking on a trial planting of grapes that they had ordered from Sonoma Grapevines.
“When the vines arrived in 2002, we planted the first block of Chardonnay grapes on our farm, which is known as Corky’s Farm in Waterford,” she says. “That was the beginning of Corcoran Vineyards & Cider.”
How does a gal get into the winemaking business?
Though Lori has built a boutique winery that produces about 2,000 cases of high-quality, award-winning wines each year, she didn’t plan on getting into the wine business. After graduating from San Jose State University in 1989 with a degree in justice administration, her intent was to join the FBI.
Along the way, her passion for wine led her to take classes in winemaking. She now believes that although she is an award-winning winemaker, the wine is truly made in the vineyard.
“Our partnerships with area growers have been the key to our ability to consistently produce high-quality wines,” she explains, noting she still takes classes and keeps close track of the latest trends and techniques in the winery trade journals.
Of course, there have been challenges. “The trickiest part is understanding the dynamics of what we do in the vineyard and the effect it has on the quality of our wine. My goal is to continue to improve the quality, and I would recommend other women become winemakers because they have better palates and more patience.”
When not making wine, Lori stays busy keeping up with her four kids — all teenagers and young adults — on the farm. “They enjoy the farm aspect and do help in the vineyard,” she says. “We can only hope that someday they will take over the family biz.”
She also volunteers whatever free time she has to numerous causes. She just stepped down as president of the Loudoun Wineries Association after spending four years on the board, and also serves on the boards for the Loudoun Convention and Visitors Association and the Loudoun Valley Home Grown Markets Association.
Visit the Vineyards
Lori and Jim encourage visits to their tasting room, which is located just outside the village of Waterford at 14635 Corky’s Farm Lane. The tasting room itself is in a 1750 restored log cabin. The picnic area overlooks the property’s beautiful pond.
There is a $5 charge for tasting; the fee includes tastings of at least seven distinctive wines. For groups of 10 or more, the tasting fee is $10 and reservations are required. Call to reserve a spot today, or make your reservation online.
You Must Try These Wines
Lori and Jim are proud of the wines they have created. They realize that while people may have specific passions for reds or whites, it’s always good to sample the merchandise. Consider these:
Apple Wine : Made from a variety of local apples, this wine is “dry” but bursting with apple aromas and flavors. The perfect companion with white meats like chicken or turkey or with Sunday brunch!
2011 Riesling: Riesling grown locally on limestone soil, capturing intense minerality. This is a dry wine bursting with lemongrass flavors and crisp acidity, and it pairs nicely with pork.
2012 Chardonnay: This Chardonnay was fermented and aged in all stainless steel, maintaining all the fruit characteristics. Perfect with your white meats or a sunny porch.
2011 Seyval Blanc: Bursting with fruit flavors and a light sweetness, this wine is a great companion for a picnic.
2008 Cabernet Franc: From our Benevino Vineyard location, we made this wine for five years. Light spice and soft tannins makes this a perfect BBQ companion on a warm summer night.
2011 Tannat: French grape normally used for blending, this wine is light on tannins with fresh cherry, cranberry, and plum flavors. Perfectly paired with spicy sausage, lamb, or duck.
2012 Pinot Noir : Grown for us locally here in Loudoun County, this Pinot Noir is bursting with dark cherry flavors and rich in tannins. Nice with grilled beef or mushrooms.
Black Jack: Chambourcin, fermented with blackberries and blended with Petit Verdot and Merlot, gives this wine a slight fruit sweetness with some soft tannins. Can be enjoyed with spicy foods.
2010 RAZ: Merlot grapes were fermented with fresh raspberries to get this off-dry dessert wine. Lots of raspberries on the front, but finishes with the soft tannins of the Merlot. Pairs with dark chocolate.
2011 USB: Using our local grown Cham-
bourcin grapes, fortified with Brandy and aged in Whiskey barrels for 12 months, this is a “Port-style” wine rich in black cherries, caramel, and mocha. Perfect companion on a summer night by the fire with s’mores!
2008 Cello: Made with 100 percent Petit Manseng grapes, this wine is our version of the Italian Lemon Cello. Bursting with lemon aromas and flavors because of the lemon zest infusion. Chill Cello to be icy cold and enjoy as an aperitif or as a nightcap on a warm evening.
2012 Waterford: Viognier fortified with Brandy and aged in Whiskey barrels for one year makes this our “White Port-style” wine. Rich with butterscotch, honey, and peach, this makes a delicious dessert on its own.
Cooking With Wine
When it comes to pairing food with their wines, Lori says she doesn’t have a favorite recipe, but she does add wine to all of her cooking.
“A bottle of Chardonnay in the pan while cooking a turkey or chicken makes the best gravy. Cabernet Franc in with our potroast gives some added spice. Chambourcin goes into all of my red sauces, and I put Viognier in our salad dressing (see that recipe below, along with one for Mulled Wine).”
Cheers to that!
Mulled Wine Recipe
This mulled wine isn’t sweet, but it has lots of spice and actually does pair with most of those delicious desserts quite well.
Ingredients:
2 cups water
2 cinnamon sticks
10 whole allspice
10 whole cloves
½ cup sugar
Zest of ½ orange, plus orange slices for garnish (optional)
One bottle of Corcoran Vineyards Cabernet Franc
Directions: Combine water, spices, sugar, and orange zest in 2-quart saucepan. Stir and cook over medium heat until sugar is dissolved. Simmer over low heat for one hour. The liquid will reduce by half and fill your home with a wonderful aroma! Strain out spices, and return the liquid to the pan. Add one bottle of Corcoran Vineyards Cabernet Franc. Heat on low until warm (being careful not to boil).
Zesty Mustard Viognier Dressing
Ingredients:
1 c. mayonnaise
¼ c. dijon mustard
¼ c. Viognier wine
1 T. sugar
1 tsp. honey
¼ tsp. black pepper
¼ tsp. kosher salt
Directions: Whisk all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. Pour or spoon it over your favorite greens. Enjoy! (Yields approximately 1.5 cups)
The Extraordinary Women’s Exchange (EWX), sponsored by the the Greater Richmond Chamber of Commerce, creates a unique experience for women to build community, network, connect, and engage with other extraordinary women in the Greater Richmond Region by fostering dialogue between smart, motivated women and by inspiring personal and professional growth.
Annually, EWX hosts workshops, social events, and Real Conversations that feature the area’s most interesting and innovative women.
The 2015-2016 lineup is being released this month, so it is a pleasure to interview Cassandra Naville, the incoming president of EWX. In her day job, she is the commercial relationship manager, and a vice president, at SunTrust Bank. Scroll down for our Q&A.
Truly Amazing Women: Tell us about your organization. What is your mission?
Cassandra Naville: At EWX, we strive to deliver on many levels; however, recently we have emphasized providing leadership-based programming with very focused topics. We provide an experience via various platforms — through “Real Conversations as well as workshops and socials” — that is unmatched. It’s an exchange of networking, ideas, knowledge, tips, inspiration, and of course some of the most extraordinary women I have had the opportunity to meet throughout my career.
Truly Amazing Women: Who are your members, and what do you offer them?
Cassandra Naville: Our member base is actually quite diverse. We have a mixture of women entrepreneurs, corporate ladies, retirees, and even students. We feel we can engage all women regardless of where they are on their professional horizon.
Truly Amazing Women: What are some of the programs you offer, and how have they been received by members?
Cassandra Naville: What don’t we offer! There is literally something for every woman, and I say that sincerely.
We have our Real Conversations events, which feature fabulous speakers from throughout the Richmond Region. These leaders, who are well thought of in the community, bring personal experience and passion to the table with engaging topics like “Women Driving Change” or our upcoming event on Oct. 28th “Women & Men Leading Together for Success” (which will be a lot of fun and provide some fantastic insights).
We also have more intimate workshops that offer everything from more serious topics such as money management, to fun and delicious topics such as decorating cakes.
Last but not least, we have socials and special engagements that are reserved for our Passport Ladies. Our Passport program is a VIP membership that offers exclusive event access, specialty seating, and of course a super flashy name badge to wear proudly, just to name a few.
Our members have been very engaged with our programming. They come for various reasons and are often willing to share feedback so we can continue to grow. Some are there to network to drive business, some just want to share discussions with other like-minded women in their community, a few come for the wine … and of course I come to build and engage in our community because I find there to be an extraordinary value in exchanging with those who are my neighbors.
Truly Amazing Women: You are the incoming president — what are your goals for 2015-2016?
Cassandra Naville: My goals for this year are to take the groundwork that many extraordinary women have laid before me, and continue to build on that foundation. I am extremely open to hearing what our ladies want to see, and delivering on those commitments I make. I want to see women touched, empowered, and inspired by what they gain coming to our programs and paying that forward to their peers, children, parents, and friends in the community. Most of all, I want to have fun and continue to engage with my community.
Truly Amazing Women: What made you want to join this group? And what are some of your favorite aspects of it?
Cassandra Naville: Well let’s face it, Stephanie Phillips with the Greater Richmond Chamber is pretty awesome! However, as I’ve gotten to know the other ladies both on the committee and within our network, I am so pleased to be part of such a wonderful group. I have learned from others, and have been inspired to do more in my community and to take time to take care of myself. The diversity and strength of our women enables me to gain perspective that is priceless!
Truly Amazing Women: Why do you think it is important for people to join networking groups like this one?
Cassandra Naville: Because we as women need to join together to lift each other up, and not bring each other down. Networking is about so much more than where your next client is going to come from, or how many hands you shake, or cards you drop … it’s about developing relationships. I think we gain the most when we are willing to listen, maintain an open mind, share ideas with others, and create a unified front.
Truly Amazing Women: What is your most favorite, and least favorite, aspect of networking?
Cassandra Naville: My favorite? I love meeting new people and learning about who they are and how they’ve come to this point. The story of their business or career path is neat to learn about as each person is unique. I want to do business with those who want to do business with me, and it all starts with a relationship built through a thoughtful conversation and understanding the value that I can bring to the table. I moved here from Arizona four years ago only knowing one or two people. Networking has enabled me to meet friends and new clients, and gain a deep understanding of what makes this community so amazing.
My least favorite aspect of networking would probably be the “pitch.” That happens when people come up and immediately give me their pitch and exit without any further conversation. It’s definitely a numbers game in some aspects, but I think it is important to understand the value that you can bring to someone before presenting a product. It’s like someone trying to sell me a lawnmower when I have no grass. If they took the time to get to know me, they may learn that my good friend just bought a house with a yard and happens to be in the market for a new mower.
Truly Amazing Women: When it comes to networking well, what are your top tips for others?
Cassandra Naville: Remember to have fun, be yourself, and don’t be scared to walk up to total strangers and engage them in conversation. I always make it a point to introduce myself to those who are standing alone, or seem to be nervous. I think we have all been there before, and it helps to have someone break the ice sometimes.
Who she is: American humorist, songwriter, director, music producer, children’s author and illustrator. Boynton has written and illustrated more than 50 books for both children and adults, as well as more than 4,000 greeting cards, and five music albums.
What she does: Although she does not license her characters to be redrawn or adapted, she has herself designed — for various companies — calendars, wallpaper, bedding, stationery, paper goods, clothing, jewelry, and plush toys.
Why she does it: I’m happiest in a recording studio, working with great singers and musicians. Making a record is pretty much the most fun a person can have. Though drawing confused hippos is way up there, too.”
Hang on to yer hat, cowboy. One listen-to and read-through of Sandra Boynton’s illustrated country music songbook/CD combo, “Frog Trouble,” and you’ll be humming your way through the day.
Created for children ages 1 to “older than dirt,” this is Boynton’s fifth foray into merging music, words, and art. Like the others she’s created with keyboard player Michael Ford, it’s likely to become a certified Gold, and an award-winning New York Times best-seller.
Packed with star power — including musical performances from Linda Eder, Brad Paisley, and Dwight Yoakam — the message of the book is as charming and iconic as the lyrics and illustrations by Boynton herself.
From “I’ve Got a Dog,” to “Deepest Blue,” and “More Frog Trouble,” this 64-pager is filled with wit and wisdom — as well as lyrics and sheet music so readers can sing and play along.
We wouldn’t expect anything less from the successful artist and author, who has been writing books and drawing charming animal illustrations since the 1970s.
“I love illustrated books, and I’ve always been smitten with records, so I guess it was inevitable that I’d eventually want to put the two together,” Boynton explains.
How did the native of Orange, New Jersey, make her way to the recording studios of Nashville?
“If you love recording, sooner or later you’re going to find yourself in Nashville,” she believes. “And y’all might even start saying ‘y’all’ without even realizing it.”
Taking a traditional route through life has never been Boynton’s style. She went to UC Berkeley for a year, then dropped out, transferred to Yale School of Drama for a year and a half, and dropped out again. That’s when the art bug bit her.
“The summer after my junior year (1973), I couldn’t face the prospect of waitressing again,” Boynton explains. “So, I designed gift cards and Christmas cards, had my Uncle Bill, a printer, print them, and I trudged around to various East Coast stores selling them.”
The cards took off, and so did her love life.
“Jamie McEwan was a tall, swarthy, and cheerfully subversive Yale wrestling captain/1972 Olympic bronze medalist when we met,” says Boynton, who married and moved with him to a farm in the foothills of the Berkshires. “Then we collaborated on four perfect children and two quirky books.”
Those stories were “The Story of Grump and Pout,” and “The Heart of Cool.” Dozens of books by Boynton followed.
Then, in 1996, she met her now professional partner, Michael Ford.
“We’re a very lean team,” she explains of her collaboration with the Pennsylvania-based music man. “I write all the lyrics and most of the melody, and from there, Mike and I create each song together in our own small New England music production studio, with Mike playing scratch instrumental tracks on keyboard and helping with all the technical stuff, which he’s masterful at. I call him The Computer Whisperer.”
Was it tough to round up such stellar singers as Eder, Paisley, and Yoakam for “Frog Trouble”?
“It was!” Boynton admits, insisting it took foolish optimism on her part. “They all really loved the songs, so that helped.”
To seal the deal, Boynton also sent each country star a gift of a stuffed animal (Mr. Chicken, to be precise). “Surely there’s nothing so persuasive as receiving an unexplained stuffed chicken,” she says.
What are Boynton’s plans for the future?
“I’m thinking of tackling an enormous pile of laundry — and buying the Christmas gifts I meant to get for the kids last year,” she says. “But that’s just a little Frog Trouble.”
Reviewed by Faye Moskowitz Professor of English, George Washington University Board Member,Grateful American™ Foundation
Americans have always had an understandable fascination with the Civil War, the aftershocks of which still rattle the nation. Fiction writers from Stephen Crane, “Red Badge of Courage” (1895), to Margaret Mitchell, “Gone With the Wind” (1936), and E.L. Doctorow, “The March” (2005), plus countless others, have embodied that war with their own creative interpretations.
Now comes Cokie Roberts, an award-winning political commentator for ABC News and NPR, who uses her formidable journalistic skills to give us “Capital Dames,” a nonfiction account of the Civil War, focused primarily on the years 1848-1868 and illuminating the relatively neglected political part played by the women of Washington.
If Roberts had named her richly anecdotal “Capital Dames” after a quilt pattern, she might have called it “sunshine and shadow.” This is a story whose broad outlines are familiar to us. We know the horrific scene in Ford’s Theatre is coming in spite of the sunny word pictures of gala balls and women in the galleries of the Capitol cheering on their husbands, fathers, and other male acquaintances who might be friends or admirers.
These women, mainly socialites, worked their wiles in the only way they could — behind the scenes. They were relegated to supporting roles in the drama of their country’s agony. But the shadows obliterated the sunny days, and with the Confederate bombing of Fort Sumter, South Carolina, the bloodiest war in the history of the United States began.
Here’s Roberts quoting Virginia Clay-Clopton’s “A Belle of the Fifties: Memoirs of Mrs. Clay, Of Alabama, Covering Social and Political Life in Washington and the South, 1853-66”: “When belles met they no longer discussed furbelows and flounces, but talked of forts and fusillades.”
Roberts’ story arc is predetermined by history. She hasn’t the luxury of creating her own characters, and her scenes are evoked by meticulous research. Sometimes the detail sand the sheer number of references can overwhelm the reader, but Roberts assists by helpfully dividing the women on whom she focuses into categories: political, literary, and activist.
Mary Todd Lincoln, for example, comes to life as a difficult, mercurial woman, roundly condemned by many for her insistent extravagance and profoundly shaken by the death of her young son. Her “modiste,” Elizabeth Keckley, a former slave who paid for her own freedom, is portrayed as the entrepreneurial business woman she was, faithful to Mary Lincoln even after the president’s death, when her employer moves back home to Chicago.
We read of Sojourner Truth and her abolitionist battles — and of Louisa May Alcott, who became a nurse at a Georgetown military hospital, and of Dorothea Dix, volunteered her services to the surgeon general and the War Department.
At the end of the war, Clara Barton declared that life had changed for women in America. She later declared that “… woman was at least 50 years in advance of the normal position which continued peace … would have assigned her.”
Still, as Roberts points out, it wasn’t until August 18, 1920, that the 19th Amendment finally gave women the right to come out of the shadows — to vote and hold political office.
About Faye Moskowitz
Faye Moskowitz teaches creative writing and Jewish-American literature. She was chair of the English Department for eight years, and director of Creative Writing at GW, where she received the GW Award in Special Recognition for Contributions to University Life. She served as president of the Jenny McKean Moore Fund for Writers from 1975-1999. For many years, she was the fiction editor of Lilith magazine. Learn more about Moskowitz here.
Who she is: Cassandra A. Good — historian, editor, writer, and teacher in the Washington, DC, area — received her PhD in History from the University of Pennsylvania as well as a BA/MA in American Studies from The George Washington University.
What she does: She previously worked for the Smithsonian Institution at art museums. She now serves as associate editor of James Monroe’s papers at the University of Mary Washington. Her research and teaching interests are in early American cultural, gender, and political history, as well as material culture and museums.
Why she does it: “History helps make sense of life today,” says Good. And it’s our pleasure to share this review of her new book, reviewed by popular historian and writer Thomas Fleming for the Grateful American™ Foundation’s Book Club.Scroll down for more.
“Founding Friendships,” by Cassandra A. Good
Reviewed by author Thomas Fleming
This is an eye-opening book about the early years of the American republic. It explores in vigorous prose a subject that has seldom been discussed: friendships between men and women. The subject remains highly relevant in modern times, as is evident by the success of the 1989 film, “When Harry Met Sally.” In the film, when Harry and Sally share a drive from Chicago to New York, Harry remarks that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible, because “the sex part always gets in the way.”
With amazing success, Cassandra Good reveals numerous friendships in the first decades of the American republic that flourished remarkably. Among her foremost examples are the letters exchanged between widower Thomas Jefferson and Abigail Adams, wife of Jefferson’s friend and rival, John Adams. Their friendship survived some bruising political differences.
Abigail Adams was by no means the only woman Jefferson befriended. After he left the presidency in 1809, Margaret Bayard Smith, wife of the editor of the administration’s semi-official newspaper, The National Intelligencer, described her feelings in a letter to her sister: “My heart is oppressed with a weight of sadness, and my eyes are so blinded with tears that I can scarcely trace these lines.”
At least as powerful were the emotional ties that bound Eloise Richard Payne and William Ellery Channing. Both professional educators, they met while single but their friendship remained potent even when both married. Channing called her “a sincere and effective friend on whose attachment I may rely in all the vicissitudes of life.“ Eloise found in William a mentor and adviser who “supported & cheered me in scenes of the darkest sorrow … & spoken peace to me when all was anarchy.” In her letters, Eloise “confided every action and every thought,” and William in turn “rebuk’d and counsel’d and encourag’d me.”
These friendships were in keeping with the basic ideas of the new nation — virtue, freedom, and equality. For a woman, the choice of a spouse was usually subject to paternal approval. After marriage, her personal wealth and much of her freedom to act came under her husband’s control. But men and women could befriend each other without anyone’s approval. Nor were the roles in these friendships in any way scripted.
At the same time, there were worries about propriety and appearances that these relationships had to overcome. Another issue was power. Some men found it difficult to concede equal significance to a woman’s opinions. The author helps us understand these problems with a brilliant chapter on how friendship was depicted in popular novels of the time. Here we see numerous examples of how “the sex part” could be dangerous and lead to tragedy for the woman.
In the middle chapters, we see the various ways friends dealt with this danger. Some of the examples Ms. Good has discovered are fascinating. George Washington, a man who at first glance seemed too formidable and reserved for such friendships, is revealed as a shrewd and witty practitioner of the art. Annis Boudinot Stockton, widow of a New Jersey congressman, sent Washington numerous poems about the way he stirred her devotion. When she apologized for bothering him, Washington urged her to have dinner with him and “go thro the proper course of penitence that shall be prescribed.” By the late 1780s Stockton was telling him his friendship “stole on my soul exquisitely sweet.”
The author also explores other ways that friends expressed their feelings for each other. One of the favorites was albums to which friends contributed poems and aphorisms. Also popular were intimate personal gifts, such as locks of hair, often in lockets or encased in rings. Finally there is a fascinating chapter on how such friendships often played a role in state and national politics. A woman who was the friend of a politician did not hesitate to offer him advice or ask him to favor another friend for an appointment.
This is a book so rich in ideas and emotionsthat readers will keep it in their libraries to read more than once. It reveals a side of America’s past that will make them pleased and proud of the spiritual pioneers among our founders.
Thomas Fleming is the author of “The Intimate Lives of the Founding Fathers.” He has written more than 40 books about America’s past. Click here to watch our interview with him about his popular book, The Intimate Lives of the Founding Fathers.
Who she is: Mary Foley believes that energizing careers and events don’t just happen — they are engineered.
What she does: Foley has combined her engineering education, her passion for inspiring professional women, and her two decades of live program experience to help women invigorate their careers and help meeting planners power up the live events and communities that professional women crave. Known for her uncommon insights, candor, and humor, Foley is an author, featured blogger on WorkingMother.com, video maven, lively presenter, engaging facilitator, and event engineer — and she refuses to wear a pocket protector!
Why she does it: “I began sharing career advice after my 10-year career at AOL — when AOL was cool — where I started as an $8-an-hour customer service rep and rose to become the company’s first head of corporate training,” she says. “In a surprising turn of events, I have since appeared on the cover of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine and been spoofed on the E! Entertainment TV Show, “The Soup.”
What people are saying about Mary Foley:
“Thank you for changing the ordinary into the extraordinary!” says Dr. Nakeina Douglas-Glenn, Grace E. Harris Leadership Institute at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, where Foley has lived for the last decade.
“WOW is what comes to mind! Our Extraordinary Women’s Program could not have happened without Mary playing a critical role in front of the audience and behind the scenes,” adds Stephanie Phillips, director of member value and engagement for the Greater Richmond Chamber.
“You were fantastic! Inspiring, right-on-target message, plus fun!” says Vicky Carr of Lockheed Martin Women’s Network.
So it was great to connect with Foley on her 50th birthday (Feb. 17, 2015). Below, she shares her thoughts on what it means to hit this milestone.
Feb. 17, 2015 — Queue up the Beatles’ music: “They say it’s your birthday! You’re gonna have a good time!” That’s what we all want on our birthday.
Today I turn the big 5-0 and, honestly, I am in shock and awe that I’ve already put in five decades on this planet. The reality kinda slaps you in the face. It’s humbling, but it’s also inspiring.
Honestly, I don’t want to be young again (unless I could do it knowing what I know now). I’m not giddy about being elderly, either. Like I have a choice.
It’s been said that “aging is the only scientifically known way to live longer.” I do want to live longer, enjoy the ride, and make the second half of my life count.
So, in that spirit, here are 50 ways that turning 50 rocks — from my own thoughts, friends, and a few people you might recognize.
1. Let’s start with some denial. You’re really not 50. You’re 32 with 18 years of experience. — Leslie Crowley
2. You stop worrying about what other people think of you and start worrying about what you think of yourself. — Tom Davidson
3. “When you’re 50, you know you’re in great shape if you still have one.” — Melanie White
4. At 50, you’re old enough to have learned what to do and not do, yet young enough to still enjoy making mistakes. — John Donovan
5. Retirement planning, life insurance, and long-term care now actually mean something.
6. You get what actress Sophia Loren meant when she said, “There is a fountain of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age.”
7. Your wardrobe is simpler because you’re finally okay with getting rid of the three other sizes in your closet that you will never fit into again.
8. You’re not second-guessing or worrying about others. You’re happy with who you are! — Beth Bettley
9. You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything.
10. It’s easier to look good at 50 than 20. People expect so much less!
11. You’re grateful for all the memories you’re already made, and you’re excited to create more. — Dianna Hayes
12. You are sure of yourself and what you want — finally! — Sherri Norman
13. You’re okay with the waiter or waitress saying, “Yes, Ma’am” instead of, “You got it, darling” because you want a drink, not a date.
14. You feel so liberated! — Cyndi Braxton
15. “50 years: Here’s a time when you separate yourself from what other people expect of you and do what you love.” — Jim Carrey
16. You have a real car again.
17. “By the time we hit 50 … we have found out that only a few things are really important. We have learned to take life serious, but not ourselves.” — Marie Dressler
18. “The face you have at 25 is the face God gave you, but the face you have after 50 is the face you earned.” — Cindy Crawford
19. Turning 50 means that your 20s, 30s, and 40s are behind you, and no matter how good or bad they were, Lord knows you don’t want to repeat them.
20. If you want that second (or third) glass of wine, you order it. Pure and simple.
21. You have regained an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy by not worrying about birth control or getting pregnant.
22. Like fine wine, you realize you’re not just getting older, you’re getting better. Like cheap wine, you have lowered your expectations and enjoy the moment.
23. At 50, you’ve racked up enough life experience to agree with Abe Lincoln that “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
24. You get to decide if you’re 50 years old or 18,250 days young.
25. You have the radar to know the difference between givers and takers, encouragers and criticizers, the sane, and the crazies — and what to do about it.
26. You know without a doubt that you still look 21 … from a distance.
27. You can wear comfortable clothes almost all the time, not just on your fat days.
28. You’re proud of what you’ve accomplished, but realize now is the time for your dreams to get bigger, not smaller.
29. Your wrinkels are like crime scenes. They mark where smiles and laughter have been.
30. You know what Josh Jones meant when he said, “There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.”
31. You buy a coffee mug that you don’t need simply because it says, “Do more of what makes you happy” and you must obey!”
32. You exhale in a big way.
33. The fact that you’ve made it this far, this good, is a good indication of your next 50. In short, you got this!
34. Breaking the rules is more fun than ever.
35. You know you can still fit into sexy underwear, but you also know it’s optional because you’ve figured out that being sexy has nothing to do with underwear.
36. You forgive yourself — then love yourself — for not being perfect.
37. Now more than ever you smile, knowing that the wisdom gained from the most difficult experiences is your biggest strength.
38. You know you have shortcomings, but based on five decades of characters who have showed up in your life, you know it could be a lot worse. So, whatever …
39. You know for sure why Lucy Van Pelt always made you smile. She’s not bossy, she’s bodacious!
40. All the embarrassing, awkward moments of the past are now quite endearing and hilarious.
41. Though you’ve collected a lot of roles along the way, you roll with them a lot more easily.
42. You’ve replaced “love is a battlefield” with “love is a playground” — or you’re going home.
43. You know for sure that you can change your career, change your relationships, or change your house without having to change who you are.
44. “No” is a complete sentence. — Shirley T. Burke
45. You have more fun than ever buying alcohol at the grocery store. When the 20-something cashier sees the bottle and hesitates, you say, “Go ahead and press the Old Fart Button!” — just to see what happens!
46. You understand that confidence isn’t knowing what to do, when to do it, and have no doubts. Confidence is believing that step by stepy you can figure it out.
47. Your best is yet to come because Napoleon Hill’s research concluded that the biggest success and contribution of the most successful people of his time happened when they were in their 50s and 60s. Everything before was preparation.
48. You are still considered young … by anyone over 60. So guess who you start to hang around?
49. Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you. — Jana Bridgman
50. You can now join the Fabulous & 50 Club! — once you figure out the secret sign, which you’re pretty sure is bringing a bottle of wine to the next meeting without being asked.
Who she is: Lindsey Mask is the founder and executive director of Ladies America, a national network of professional women connecting to advance one another personally and professionally, following the motto “Women Helping Women.” Founded in 2005, the organization’s membership totals more than 3,000 top-tier professional women in chapters based in DC, NYC, LA, Nashville, Atlanta, Seattle, and Albany.
What she does: Mask is also the Director for the Center for Health Communications of Federal Occupational Health, a non-appropriated segment of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that provides competitive health and wellness services to 1.8 million federal employees across the country. For more than a decade, she also served as communications director and spokesperson for Rep. Howard P. “Buck” McKeon of California, chairman of the Armed Services Committee.
Why she does it: “I am most passionate about our newly launched Mentorship Program, because it focuses on all of our core values at once: connecting, educating, and advancing women. For some reason, women tend to try to go-it-alone, without even realizing they are doing that. My goal is to help more women realize that they aren’t alone—that Ladies America is there to be their support.”
GROWINGLADIESAMERICA: 10 Questions for Lindsey Mask
1. Hope Katz Gibbs: Tell us about Ladies America, and what inspired you to create this national organization.
Lindsey Mask: Ladies America began as Ladies Dinner Club back in 2005, when I casually invited five women to dinner after moving to DC. That table of six quickly became Ladies DC, and now has chapters across the country. I first asked some women to meet for dinner monthly because I knew that until I figured out how to successfully work with women, I would not be successful myself. I just knew I needed the support of other women, and I wanted to offer the same support to them.
What we learned quickly was that the majority of women we were meeting felt the same way and were looking for the same support. Through the years, Ladies America has now supported and connected thousands upon thousands of women—all linked by the common understanding that united we can accomplish anything, individually and collectively. The term “network” used to have such an ominous undertone to it, but we like to think we have redefined networking for professional women.
2. Hope Katz Gibbs: What part of your business are you most passionate about?
Lindsey Mask: With our mentorship program, we are able to focus closely on the relationship, directly tackling the goals of our mentees one by one. In fact, I am leading one of our two group mentorship opportunities focusing on personal branding. We meet every three to four weeks for an hour, and then I am also available for them when they need individual help.
I absolutely love our time together and getting to hear directly from my mentees about their challenges in the workforce and where they feel stuck in their personal lives. Not to minimize any of these challenges, but I still believe that at the end of the day, we need to encourage one another to trust our guts, and frankly, sometimes we need someone with authority there to tell us that or to help us figure that out for ourselves. It’s a beautiful process to watch and be part of in a meaningful way.
“Ladies America” has its proverbial boots on the ground—and we are in the trenches with professional women at all levels.
3. Hope Katz Gibbs: What aspect of this organization has tested you the most?
Lindsey Mask: I can honestly say that I have felt challenged in almost every way—and in the best possible ways—as a professional woman and as a leader. Learning what to let go of has been critical for me personally. Figuring out how to stay focused on our core values and the reasons the organization grew as organically as it did, can of course be a challenge.
These challenges can be found in virtually any business or organization. It’s actually pretty easy for a group to come up with good ideas; what’s hard is to keep things simple. I think I still have room to grow in this area, but we have been systematically shedding the unnecessary “great” ideas to get back to the basics of what makes Ladies America so remarkable. That, and figuring out the best method and models for scaling the organization across the United States.
I feel winded just thinking about all the different tactics I have tried and failed at making work, with “failure” being an important experience, because it has helped us refine, refine, refine.
4. Hope Katz Gibbs: What was the major crossroads in building this network? How did you handle it?
Lindsey Mask: Developing the internal platform for leadership identification and development within the organization has been an area that our organization, and many other member-based organizations, have faced. I felt I was using myself up by physically trying to build chapters up in different cities by traveling to them and building networks in all the cities.
That is not sustainable! It would almost be easier and harder if I could build the organization that way. The truth is, any organization has to have a clear vision and then leaders who are engaged and enthusiastic about seeing that come to life. We have to have full buy-in from our leaders. Every single chapter matters to us, so we do not give up, but we also do not force any of our growth. Proven models and the reminder that people are not scalable are two of the most important pieces of advice I have ever received.
5. Hope Katz Gibbs: Looking back, what advice would you have for your 25-year-old self?
Lindsey Mask: Honestly, I use this one all the time now, but I would tell myself, “It’s not that serious.”
I see it more than ever in our younger professionals now—this feeling that they have to be changing the world this second, in a major way, or their efforts do not matter. As Helen Hayes once said, “We relish news of our heroes, forgetting that we are extraordinary to somebody, too.” That, and I have a quote framed and hanging over my desk at work that reads: “Simply become who you are.”
6. Hope Katz Gibbs: What advice do you have for the women in your network about being successful in business? And do you think it’s harder for a woman than a man to succeed in business?
Lindsey Mask: I believe women have all the tools and resources available to them to succeed in business. We just need to get past some of the social norms that do exist—and that starts with an awareness. I have seen a slow but steady shift in how women are operating in business, and personally I am grateful for the changes. In years past, women had to work with such an aggression to be taken seriously, whereas now, we are inching closer and closer to being able to be our true selves in the workplace. At the end of the day, my recommendation is to be prepared and actually know your craft. Ultimately, this is a skills game. Since we know money talks, if your skillset is sharper than another’s—and you share that with confidence—you will succeed. So, study, learn, perform, improve—and keep going. The best person can win.
7. Hope Katz Gibbs: What frustrates you most about being a woman in the business world—and what would you change if you could?
Lindsey Mask: I am not actually that frustrated. I have been fortunate for a large part of my career to have men and women support me and open doors for me based on how well they thought I could do. In my current position, I have the full support of the people at the top level. I cannot say that has always been true. I have felt in the past that if I showed any glimmer of not knowing something, that I would lose a one-time-only chance and be cut almost immediately out of the decision-making.
That can be brutal. Frankly, sometimes I have seen male counterparts wanting to shield me and other female colleagues from some of the “tougher” decisions, but if we are able to consistently illustrate level-headed decision-making and progress, those tendencies melt away.
I think if I were currently seeking funding for a venture, I would be frustrated by that. Women are still not capturing venture capital for start-ups and ideas the way they should, but initiatives are in place and growing to help counter that.
8. Hope Katz Gibbs: What’s your top leadership lesson for other women? Do you live by that lesson?
Lindsey Mask: Here are two simple leadership lessons I have learned:
Be transparent. When I was younger and less assured of what I was doing, I was more likely to “protect” my work, but that style of operating almost instantaneously calls critics to the table. If you share everything, you end up having more ability to collaborate and reach the best product or solution. Don’t be afraid of criticism, and remind yourself that even if it’s given maliciously, see it for what it is—and remember that the goal is to have the best result, so stay open to that.
Allow your softer side to shine through. This is a more recent lesson for me. When confronted at all, a natural reaction is to defend and harden a bit, but I have found that doing so only exacerbates the issue. Instead, allow your human side to show, because it helps lower the guard of those around you while simultaneously building trust. That is a tricky one too, though, because often we do not even notice when we are hardening a bit. Let me clarify, though, that this does not mean you should cry or “let the waterworks flow” at work—that is still unprofessional. But it is okay to be honest about how you are feeling in a situation rather than pretending to be a person you are not. Remember the old adage, “The truth shall set you free.”
9. Hope Katz Gibbs: You are clearly at the top of your career—what have you not yet accomplished?
Lindsey Mask: I have a lot I would like to do in my personal life, to be honest, which I am focusing on at the moment. I regularly evaluate where I am and areas where I believe I should be, but also realize that every goal I have set, I reach—and that there are no shortcuts to any place worth going. So, I have a peace about where I am in my career, and I continue to enjoy each step of it.
The tangible things I would like to see are to write any or all of the numerous book concepts trapped in my head. The closest I have come is drafting an outline and a writing schedule. One of these days, I will complete that—and I know that when I do, it will be the perfect timing.
10. Hope Katz Gibbs: What are your big dreams and goals for Ladies America in 2015 and beyond?
Lindsey Mask: 200 years! That is how long I believe Ladies America can grow and exist. I foresee the organization being a staple of our culture that provides outreach and communities at the micro- and macro-levels. Everything we have been doing is focused on the larger picture of a longstanding organization.
As it is now, we will be celebrating 10 years of the organization in 2016, which will also equate to influencing and supporting thousands upon thousands of women, and that is truly extraordinary. In the short-term, we are looking to begin our first international initiative and to begin rolling out our newly launched mentorship program across all our cities.
We will continue to expand our target audience from post-college (23-45 year olds) to include Ladies Emerging, which is geared towards supporting college-aged women to help them transition into their first jobs. There are so many ideas and goals, but those are the big ones—and what I want to focus on for 2015. We have identified some new additions to our leadership, and I just know 2015 is going to be a fruitful and remarkable year for Ladies America/Ladies International Foundation!
Who she is: Writing her new 2014 book, Ending Domestic Violence Captivity, was a compulsion for Dr. Ludy Green, an expert on US domestic violence and human trafficking issues.
What she does: “I simply had to tell this story,” explains the woman who founded Second Chance Employment Services to help at-risk women find stable employment, assisting them in achieving financial independence.
Why she does it: An advocate for women and children for more than 20 years, Green has served as a US delegate to Vietnam and Chile. In 2009, she was appointed by the US Department of State to serve as cultural ambassador of the United States in Human Trafficking to Jordan and Syria. She also served as a US delegate to Malaysia (2013), Turkey (2011), Chile (2009), and at the Global Summit of Women (Vietnam, 2008). And in November 2013, she was a presenter at the Qatar International Business Women Forum in Qatar.
In 2006 she was appointed by the US attorney general to the Advisory Council of Domestic Violence Against Women. Dr. Green was also appointed to the board of trustees for the Family and Children’s Trust Fund of Virginia; elected to serve on the Commission of the Status of Women in Virginia; and elected to the Economic Development Commission in the District of Columbia. Her PhD is in Industrial Organization Psychology.
All of that, she insists, was but the lead up to this book.
In 17 chapters, the 185-page hardback dives deep into the dramatic issue of domestic violence by dividing it into two parts:
Part 1: The Core Problem—Domestic Disempowerment
Chapter 1: From Inner Void to Inner Choice
Chapter 2: The Direction of Dreams
Chapter 3: Why She Stays … and Why We Ask
Chapter 4: Contrary Theories
Chapter 5: Domestic Captivity
Chapter 6: Domestic Tyranny
Chapter 7: True Stories of Domestic Captivity
Chapter 8: Forms of Abuse
Chapter 9: Forms of Abuse Continued—Economic Abuse
Chapter 10: Domestic Disempowerment
Chapter 11: Processes of Disempowerment
Chapter 12: Human Trafficking
Part 2: A Solution That Lasts—Power in the Pursuit of Dreams
Chapter 13: The Meaning of Empowerment
Chapter 14: The Purpose of Employment and the Employment of Purpose
Chapter 15: In Practice—Operations of Second Chance
Chapter 16: Mounting Up on Wings—True Stories of Lasting Freedom
Chapter 17: The New VAWA and the Second Chance Provision
And scroll down to read an excerpt from Chapter 3 of “Ending Domestic Violence Captivity,” entitled, Why She Stays … And Why We Ask.
What people are saying:
“By telling the stories of real women in real situations, Dr. Ludy Green not only isolates the reasons why domestic violence victims choose to stay in abusive relationships, but shows innovative ways in which they can move forward.” — Arianna Huffington, founder, The Huffington Post Media Group
“Dr. Green’s book speaks to the millions of families whose lives are affected by domestic abuse, as well as those in social services, academia, government, business, and nonprofit organizations interested in helping abused women regain their lives. A must-read!” — Sen. Bob Dole
Why does she stay? It must be among the most frequently asked questions about domestic violence—perhaps second to, Why would she go back? Another is, What attracted her to such an abusive person to begin with?
These questions are practically unavoidable in conversations about domestic violence. They have been for decades a topic of intense interest in academic and scientific studies. They are questions that were raised in the very first book published in he United States on the subject of domestic violence, Del Martin’s groundbreaking 1976 book, Battered Wives.
In 1989, in an article, “Helping to End the Assaultive Relationship,” P. Lynn McDonald pondered what she called the “intellectual puzzle” of why abused women have trouble ending violent relationships.
In considering the question, there is a common thread of belief that the victim bears some part of the responsibility for her own predicament.
In their excellent book, It Could Happen to Anyone: Why Battered Women Stay, Ola W. Barnett and Alyce LaViolette summarized a number of earlier studies showing public opinion about battered women. The authors conclude that popular beliefs about domestic violence “rest upon widely held and false assumptions.” The studies are useful in documenting popular confusion about victim staying behavior.
It seems to me the question, Why did she stay? is driven by two other unstated questions.
First, is she telling the truth? And second, if she is, is she partially to blame? Another question within Why does she stay? has to do with principles of freedom and responsibility.
Notably, surveys indicate that no one thinks a victim’s decision to stay makes the batterer any less blameworthy for his crimes. The moral principle involved, however, is that a person generally does not gain the right to take the law into his or her own hands by choosing to stay in harm’s way. So, if her life was in danger, and she could get out … she has a duty to do so.
A victim of domestic violence, Sheehan was thrust into the national spotlight when she was tried for the second-degree murder of her abuser, her husband, Raymond Sheehan.
Although Sheehan admitted to shooting him multiple times at close range as he stood shaving, to the charge of murder she pled not guilty.
Her plea was based on what is commonly known as the “battered-woman defense.” For more than 20 years, he had terrorized his wife with atrocious physical and psychological abuse. The jury heard detailed evidence of the brutality of the slain man, including testimony from their two grown children—such as throwing a pot of boiling liquid at her, smashing her head against a cement wall, punching her in the face, pointing a gun at her, and threatening to kill her.
The prosecution argued people are not permitted to take the law into their own hands. In theory, there was nothing to stop Sheehan from escaping the danger posed by her husband by leaving the house and calling for help. The fact that she did not leave was evidence that the testimony about the existence or severity of abuse loomed large in the case.
Sheehan claimed that his conduct was so violent that her life depended on killing him.
Although the Sheehan case may help illustrate the reasons why we ask the question, it seems we made no progress in actually finding the answer. But the outcome of the case points us in the right direction. For in spite of the powerful arguments offered by the jury, it found Sheehan had acted in self-defense. On the charger of murder, it returned a verdict of not guilty.
Does the verdict have any significance beyond the Sheehan case?
There are reasons to think it does. Because domestic violence is mostly hidden from public view, perceptions of victim behavior may be based on subjective experience, gossip, something read in a novel, seen in a movie or on TV, or other popular misconceptions.
The Sheehan decision supports two general principles.
First, staying in the relationship does not automatically mean the victim is exaggerating or lying about the severity of the abuse.
Second, a victim who stays with the abuser should not be presumed responsible for her circumstances or her own injuries.
The Sheehan verdict, and others like it, gives us strong grounds to doubt certain popular ideas about victims’ staying behavior.
To succeed in my mission, I had to fight the right one.
My passion to find a lasting solution was also from the beginning linked to a need to understand the reason why so many women at the shelter were going back to the abusive households.
The innovations of the Second Chance Employment Services system, and our track record of success, is a product of the answer we’ve adopted.
My approach departs from popular beliefs about victim behavior like this reflected in the commentary on the Sheehan case. If I had accepted those as a starting point, Second Chance would not have made its goal permanently ending domestic abuse.
Again, I’ve always rejected the idea that the victim makes a free-will decision to stay in or go back to the abusive relationship. So at Second Chance we exclude from consideration the role of some hidden desire or willfulness on the part of the victim to stay and be beaten and terrorized; we focus instead on empowering her to leave.
I should emphasize that my approach does not come from naiveté about victims of violence, or from regarding them as models of perfection who never make mistakes or do anything wrong.
The victims are as prone to err as anyone else, and like, everyone, have unique strengths and weaknesses. The challenges they face are intensified as a result of years of recurring assaults and cruel psychological oppression.
In looking at what prevents the termination of violent relationships, the victim’s shortcomings are not in my experience a core problem that needs to be addressed. It is neither a lack of desire nor motivation on her part, nor a moral deficiency that causes her to stay.
As tempting as it can be to conclude otherwise, personal flaws are not, in any relevant sense, the reason why she stays.
Why does she stay?
Despite appearances to the contrary, the decision to stay is not a decision at all. She stays because she lacks the power to leave. In the end, my answer to the question may be distilled to these two words: domestic captivity.
Who she is: “Yesterday, we had ninety persons to dine with us at one table fixed on the lawn, under a thick arbour. The dinner was profuse and handsome and the company very orderly. I am less worried here with a hundred visitors than with twenty-five in Washington, this summer especially. I wish you had just such a country home as this.” — Dolley Madison, describing a summer dinner party at Montpelier.
What she does: That quote, says Montpelier Foundation President Kat Imhoff, is one of her favorite for it gives us a glimpse inside Dolley Madison’s perspective on what it was like to live at her husband’s family home in Orange, VA.
Why she does it: “We all think of Dolley as a wonderful hostess, and a powerful political player in an age when women were excluded from politics,” Imhoff shares. “As Catherine Allgor writes in her book, ‘A Perfect Union,’ Dolley built coalitions and connections every week in her drawing room. And, she used dinners at the White House and on the lawn and dining room of Montpelier in a similar manner. This is just part of the reason that she was considered ‘America’s Queen.’”
Author Catherine Allgor: Bringing Dolley Madison to Life
So it was an honor to feature two Inkandescent women: America’s Queen, Dolley Madison, and the work of award-winning author Dr. Catherine Allgor, a professor of history at the University of California and Yale Ph.D., whose account of Dolley Madison was a finalist for the George Washington Prize in 2007. Allgor’s book was then turned into the script for the American Experience film for PBS entitled, Dolley Madison: America’s First Lady.
On Wednesday, August 24, 1814, Dolley Madison stood at the window of the White House and watched thousands of Washingtonians, rich and poor, white and black, pouring down Pennsylvania Avenue. News and rumors of the approach of British troops had thrown the city into confusion, and the population had been evacuating for days. Vehicles were at a premium, and any conveyance with wheels was pressed into service by the fleeing throngs. It had not rained for three weeks, and the clouds of dust raised by the people, horses, carriages, and carts lingered ominously on the horizon.1
With chaos at her door, Dolley sat down at her desk to continue a letter to her sister Lucy, which she had begun the previous day. “My husband left me yesterday morng to join General Winder,” Dolley had written on Tuesday. “He enquired anxiously whether I had courage, or firmness to remain in the President’s house until his return, on the morrow, or succeeding day, and on my assurance that I had no fear but for him and the success of our army, he left me, beseeching me to take care of myself, and of the cabinet papers, public and private.”2
James had gone to review the troops stationed in nearby Maryland, hoping to discern, if he could, the intentions of a small force of British soldiers who had landed on the banks of the Patuxent River in June. He had sent Dolley two messages, framing the confusion as comfort: “The reports as to the enemy have varied every hour. The last & probably truest information is that they are not very strong, and are without cavilry and artillery, and of course that they are not in a condition to strike at Washington.” But, James had to admit, “it is possible, however they may have a greater force or expect one, than has been represented or that their timerity may be greater than their strength.” His second letter was “alarming,” Dolley admitted, “because he desires I should be ready at a moment’s warning to enter my carriage and leave the city.”3
By midday on Wednesday, Dolley had packed, “press[ing] as many cabinet papers into trunks as to fill one carriage; our private property must be sacrificed,” but she was also determined to wait for her husband. From time to time, she went onto the roof of the executive mansion, anxiously casting her spyglass in every direction. By this point, 90 percent of the populace had fled, even the men guarding the city. The mayor of Washington, James H. Blake, came twice to plead with her to evacuate, but Dolley would not leave until James returned.4
This disastrous state of affairs—the capital city under threat and the president in physical jeopardy—had taken Americans by surprise. Though there certainly had been signs that the British were targeting Washington, the country had for the most part denied the danger.
As recently as early August, Dolley had assured her own son that “the British on our shore’s are stealing & destroying private property, rarely comeing to battle but when they do, are allways beaten,” yet the truth was far less rosy. Over the course of the two-year war with Great Britain, victories on the American side had been few, and the losses significant and frustrating. American troops had repeatedly tried to invade Canada, across the Niagara frontier, from Lake Champlain toward Montreal, and from Detroit into upper Canada.
Though American forces had won two decisive battles in 1813—led by Oliver Hazard Perry at the battle of Lake Erie, and under William Henry Harrison’s command at the battle of the Thames—Canada remained under British control. And despite several widely heralded victories by the American ships Constitution and United States, the powerful British navy blockaded the east coast, leaving coastal towns from the Penobscot River in Maine to the Chesapeake Bay vulnerable to hit-and-run raids. Now the papers and commanders could deny it no longer: the British had landed at Benedict, Maryland, and were heading, four thousand men strong, for the capital of the United States.5
Dolley feared not only marauding British soldiers but also nearer enemies. “Mr. Madison’s War,” as his detractors dubbed it, had divided the country, inflaming an already combustible political climate. Treachery filled the air, and on the eve of invasion Dolley had American foes in mind when she darkly hinted to her sister: “Disaffection stalks around us.” Indeed, she wanted to leave the city with James as much for his safety as her own: “I hear of much hostility towards him.”
Even as she was deciding whether she should wait for the president, Dolley was overseeing the preparations for that day’s dinner party, supervising the table setting for forty guests, ordering the wines, ale, and cider to be brought from the cellar. This occasion was one of many she had hosted in the past months, designed to reassure government officials and local gentry alike that all was well.6 By three o’clock, however, she received word of a devastating rout near Bladensburg, Maryland, during which the Americans turned tail and ran so quickly that the episode would come to be known as the Bladensburg Races.
Now “within sound of the cannon,” Dolley “lived a lifetime,” waiting for her husband to return, but “Mr. Madison comes not; may God protect him!” She was in an “agony” of fear that the British would take James prisoner. Urged on by friends, she organized herself and her slaves to leave the house. Charles Carroll, a wealthy Maryland landowner and Madison supporter “has come to hasten my departure, and is in a very bad humor with me because I insist on waiting until the large picture of Gen. Washington is secured.”
The full-length portrait of the beloved Washington hung in the presidential portrait gallery in the state dining room. Unfortunately, there was no time to unscrew the frame from the wall. “I have ordered the frame to be broken, and the canvass taken out,” Dolley related to Lucy, “it is done.” She entrusted the precious painting to “two gentlemen of New York” for safe passage.7
Dolley’s departure could not be much longer delayed. James Smith, a free black man who had accompanied the president to Bladensburg, came galloping down the street, warning Dolley and the remaining capital residents to flee, as the American forces were in retreat. Clearly, James would not come now; if Dolley lingered any longer, she risked capture as a political prisoner or death as a casualty of war. It was time to end her missive. “And now, dear sister, I must leave this house, or the retreating army will make me a prisoner in it, by filling up the road I am directed to take. When I shall again write you, or where I shall be tomorrow, I cannot tell!!”
That day the British did indeed invade Washington City. They looted and burned only the public buildings, taking particular relish in consigning the “president’s palace” to the flames. Before they did so, however, they sat down and enjoyed the elegant meal that had been set out.8 Given the effort Dolley Madison had put into establishing her White House as the capital’s social and political center, it seems fitting that a dinner party, even one attended by uninvited guests, occupied the last moments of the executive mansion.
This is how most Americans know Dolley Madison, as the heroine who saved the portrait of George Washington. In fact, next to the tale of Fort McHenry and the writing of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” the story of Dolley and the White House is the only one Americans typically associate with the ill-fated War of 1812. To be sure, very few have the story right—for instance, many believe Dolley saved the Declaration of Independence. This is not true, though she did save crucial government documents. One version of the legend holds that Dolley herself cut the portrait out of its frame with a butcher knife; some later illustrations even depict Dolley fleeing the burning White House, the canvas flapping behind her as she runs through the street.
The truth is more sobering, more complicated, and more interesting. Black hands tried to unscrew the picture, and when that failed, enslaved Americans wrestled the “Father of Liberty” out of his frame. The portrait, a copy of the famous Gilbert Stuart painting, was not even particularly valuable. But this event is remembered as pivotal for precisely the reason that Dolley intended.
She knew the picture was only a copy, nonetheless, she insisted: “Save that picture! Save that picture, if possible; if not possible, destroy it.”9 She recognized that it would have been disastrous for any image of the venerated Washington to fall into British hands, to be burned with the house, or even worse, to be paraded through London streets as a prize of war. Dolley understood how fragile the country’s sense of identity was. Even her famous letter to her sister stands as testament to her political savvy: producing the document decades later, she may well have edited or sharpened the text to present a more overtly patriotic account.10
However, Dolley Madison’s fame is not restricted to this single incident—nor to the packaged pastries and ice cream that bear her (misspelled) name—and did not take hold years after her death. In an age before the modern cult of celebrity, when people nonetheless lionized the living, Dolley Madison was famous. During her tenure as the president’s wife and for decades after, she was one of the best-known people in the United States.
Travelers, diplomats, private citizens, and government officials alike raved about her charismatic charm and gracious presence, her legendary parties, and her impressive wardrobe. Even the occasional criticism centered on the excess of these qualities—she was too charming, too regal, too popular. In a time when no respectable woman ever had her name in the newspapers, stories about Dolley, both laudatory and slanderous, periodically appeared in the press.
After her husband’s death in 1836, when she returned to Washington on her own, Washingtonians official and unofficial lined up to pay homage. The House of Representatives granted her free lifetime postal franking, a perquisite of congressmen during their terms and a privilege previously granted only to former presidents and the widow of the revered Washington.
They also presented her with her own seat on the floor of the House (along with appointed escorts), an honor unprecedented for a man, let alone a woman. And when she died in 1849, at age eighty-one, Washington City honored her with a state funeral, the largest one the capital had yet seen. Along with President Zachary Taylor and his cabinet, both houses of Congress adjourned to march in the procession, escorting, one last time, the woman who had come to be known as “America’s Queen.”
Why was Dolley Madison so famous?
In a culture that had no place for a woman in the political spotlight, and in which the only “public women” were prostitutes, Dolley was undeniably a public woman. She became a national figure when the United States was barely a nation and only men such as George Washington occupied a place in the pantheon above party politics.
And, most inexplicable of all, Dolley proved herself a powerful political player in an age when women were excluded from politics. Married women had no independent legal identities; they were legally “covered” by their husbands, lacking the right to vote, make contracts, or own property, even the clothes on their backs. Dolley’s fame derived from sources other than her association with James Madison; how else to explain her position as Washington City’s social leader and political consultant in the years after James’s death in 1836?
And while one might assume her influence to be greatest during her time as the president’s wife, how then to explain the many honors bestowed on her, and favors beseeched, decades after she had been the “Presidentess”? Such public attention and acknowledgments of respect are hard to reconcile with a woman who, in our time, is almost exclusively associated with Raspberry Zingers and Gem Donuts.
Dolley Payne Todd Madison was famous for precisely the same reason as her male counterparts: power. She possessed considerable political capital, which, under the veil of her culturally appointed roles of wife and hostess, she used to further her own and her family’s political aims. Paradoxically, while her sex prevented her from openly playing politics, those very bonds of womanhood allowed her the scope in which she accomplished her greatest political successes—granting political favors, constructing a modern ruling style that emphasized cooperation over coercion, and achieving her husband’s political aims.
Within the conventional bounds of “ladyhood,” Dolley legitimized her husband’s administration to the nation and the world and went a long way to establishing Washington City as a capital (and to retaining it after the British burned it in 1814).
Using parties, social calls, and correspondence, she built the structures of government that the new United States needed, and she presented political models of bipartisan cooperation—building bridges instead of bunkers—that would prove crucial to democratic rule. Perhaps most important, she used the persona of a lady motivated solely by feminine love and patriotism to create a sense of nationality and unity for the new Americans. In spite of a disastrous war and domestic unrest, her husband’s presidency was universally acclaimed; after the smoke cleared in 1817, former president John Adams noted that, “notwithstand[ing] a thousand Faults and blunders,” James Madison’s administration “has acquired more glory, and established more Union, than all his three Predecessors . . . put together.”11
Other political observers, no doubt giddy with relief, concurred. Their judgment reflected the triumph of Dolley’s efforts at least as much as—perhaps even more than—her husband’s.
Had she lived a century earlier, Dolley would probably have passed her life in contented obscurity as a Virginia gentry woman. However, the American Revolution changed her destiny as surely as it did the country’s. The challenge of the generation after the founders lay in creating a working republic. The enterprise needed not only great leaders and great thinkers but also skilled politicians able to translate revolutionary ideas and ideals into living, breathing reality. Dolley brought considerable personal gifts—including unsurpassed conciliatory skills—to the political arena.
As is true of all good politicians, the public and private sides of Dolley did not quite match up. The popular image of a sunny, gracious, serene hostess who gained fame and prominence with apparent ease obscures the real woman, a person as driven by passion for country and by demons as any founding father. She worked hard at constructing a persona that masked her darker side.
Ironically, the public Dolley won the admiration of the world by seeming natural and unaffected.
In cultivating this image, Dolley did indeed draw on genuine parts of herself, including her capacity to cultivate love and her authentic generosity of spirit. She had been a cheerful, charming child and a captivating young woman; these qualities she carried into adulthood and into politics. From earliest childhood, however, her character and her view of the world had been shaped by adversity and difficulties.
Like many extraordinary people, Dolley cannot entirely be explained by her origins. If leaders are born as well as made, Dolley seems to have been born a leader, full of ambition and the desire to be the center of attention and activity. But she was also born a girl, and so was taught from the first the cardinal virtues of meekness and femininity; her early life experiences only underscored her sense of helplessness.
And she was raised in Quaker culture, which prized passivity and retirement from the world. Yet even as the Quakers themselves used their passivity as a catalyst for radical action, Dolley turned compliance into an art, transforming female submissiveness into a political tool. She employed conciliation to disarm and defuse a violent political culture, while winning friends and supporters for her husband. And, in repudiation of her Quaker upbringing, she did so while becoming the most famous, most visible woman in the United States.
It was no accident that Americans seized upon the image of the heroic Dolley saving the George Washington portrait as their predominant memory of the first invasion of American soil. August 1814 was a fragile moment in the country’s history.
In the 1780s, the former colonists, flush with their victory over what was then the world’s greatest superpower, and with the ratification of a brand-new constitution, had watched with dismay as vicious partisan bickering threatened the untried political system, reaching its peak (or depth) with the first real presidential contest, the election of 1796. In the wake of a campaign filled with gossip, slander, backroom “tampering,” and accusations of treachery all around, John Adams won narrowly, and the nation remained polarized.12
From the new Americans’ point of view, it boded ill that the infighting disintegrated into the establishment of two proto-parties—the Federalists, represented by John Adams, and the Republicans, led by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. The Republicans had their revenge, however, when John Adams proved a one-term president, and the election that Jefferson would call “the revolution of 1800” swept them into power.
The establishment of a new capital in the southern wilderness, holding as much risk as promise, added to the national sense of uncertainty. The only official guide that the founders had was the untried Constitution and the discouraging history of past short-lived republics. It was one thing to plan a new order founded on liberty, quite another to realize it. To Americans and to outsiders, it was not clear at all that the republican experiment was going to last, let alone thrive.
Into this atmosphere of uncertainty entered Dolley Madison. Her unofficial status as a “Lady” of a political family allowed her to supply the informal politicking sorely needed by the official men who were trying to build a government.
In an era in which overtly monarchical behavior was to be avoided at all costs, Dolley’s institutionalized, ritualized social events compensated for the lack of bureaucratic and governing structures, which were deliberately neglected by the Constitution. Her person and personality—feminine, attractive, charming—fostered collaboration, and she brought together the government, the capital city, and the nation. She was quick to grasp the lessons of the political world in which she found herself, acting in ways that neither James nor any man could.
And although in many ways a conventional eighteenth-century woman, Dolley was an innovator as a politician. With her emphasis on civility, she offered Americans an alternative to older, coercive models of governing, a modern form of politics, one that would prove crucial to the developing government in ordinary times and would hold the capital city and nation together in a time of crisis.
These models helped to create the first modern democracy and young nation-state; the recognition of the inevitability of bipartisanship and the need for compromise and power sharing would prove the foundation of a democratic government. Cooperation and negotiation with one’s enemy may have seemed inconceivable to most of the founding men, for whom verbal and physical violence were political tools of the trade, but not to Dolley, who built coalitions and connections every week in her drawing room.
Filling the role that would come to be known as “First Lady” did not necessarily guarantee either visibility or power. Devoted wife Martha Washington approached the job doubtfully, albeit dutifully. An intellectual at heart, Abigail Adams was her husband’s partner in the realm of political theory and public policy (she co-created the infamous Alien and Sedition Acts), but she was not interested in inhabiting the role of official hostess offered by her husband’s elevation to the presidency.
Indeed, she spent much of his term at home in Braintree, Massachusetts. In contrast, Dolley took the opportunity to transform the president’s wife into a figure of national importance, expanding the role into an office. The position would remain unchanged until the twentieth century; even to the present, certain key aspects of the job that she invented still stand.13
When Dolley Madison died, the newspapers rightly called upon “all of our own country and thousands in other lands” to mourn her passing.14 While she never traveled beyond the United States’ borders, she was a figure of and, thanks to her diplomatic work, for the world. Dolley’s life unfolded within several historically significant American landscapes, including Virginia and Philadelphia.
But her proper milieu was, and always would be, the brand-new capital of the new United States, Washington City. It was her creation, her playground, the scene of her greatest triumphs and best work. Though Dolley became a politician’s wife when she married James in 1794, her own political life began in 1801, when the Madison carriage turned onto Pennsylvania Avenue.
Each year, in communities across the country, dynamic men and women raise funds for blood cancer research by engaging in a spirited competition to earn The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s title: Man & Woman of the Year. To date, candidates have helped LLS invest almost $1 billion in research to advance breakthrough therapies.
In 2014, Northern Virginia’s Debi Jo Wheatley threw her hat into the race to honor her husband Howard, who died of chronic lymphocytic leukemia on May 24, 2011.
A registered nurse for nearly 30 years, Wheatley put her skills to the test in July 1991 when Howard was diagnosed. For two decades, the couple lived with and battled his illness.
After his death, Wheatley and her mom took a trip to one of their favorite places in the world: Italy.
Morning after morning, Wheatley sat in a cafe pouring out her thoughts and feelings in a love story that eventually became her first book, “Journey of Love, Living With Leukemia.”
“I wrote the book because I want others to realize that a diagnosis of cancer does not always mean the end,” Wheatley explains. “It can be a gift that gives you the opportunity to say what might remain unspoken, to not put off until tomorrow, to cherish every moment, and to know that there are solutions to insurmountable obstacles. And, finally, that love can endure even in the most challenging of times.”
Whether or not she wins the 2014 Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Women of the Year award, her long-term goal is having Howard’s name on a research grant honoring the courage of his fight. The campaign ends June 14. Learn more at www.forhowardlls.com.
Scroll down to read an excerpt from Wheatley’s book.
“Journey of Love, Living With Leukemia
By Debi Jo Wheatley
Howard and I met by chance in the fall of 1979. I had just moved to Northern Virginia from New York and was out with a friend for dinner and dancing. After dinner, I attempted to get the bartender’s attention to order some wine. Howard was seated at the bar and offered to order it for me. Howard struck me as quiet and kind and for some very strange reason I trusted him right away. He asked me out on a date at the end of the evening and the rest, as they say, is history.
But every couple has its own history and each one follows its own path. We dated for five years before getting married on June 9, 1984. That seven-minute ceremony gave me four for the price of one as Howard’s three teen daughters were included in the package deal and lived with us.
The part of Howard’s and my love affair that began right after our seventh wedding anniversary was marked with the words: “You have chronic lymphocytic leukemia and you will be starting your chemo treatment today.”
July 1991 was the month we were supposed to leave for Spain for a three-week vacation. Howard had been feeling poorly for a few days and I was away in Florida visiting my grandparents before we left. My grandmother hadn’t been feeling well either and I wanted to see her prior to our trip. Howard called me on Friday, the day after I arrived, saying he was feeling poorly. Typically, he never complained about anything, but said he was going to bed early that evening. The next day I suggested he go to Urgent Care; it was a Saturday. They diagnosed bronchitis and started him on antibiotics. Later that evening he said he was feeling a bit better.
However, the next morning Howard woke up feeling worse. I instructed him to go back to Urgent Care and get a chest X-ray and blood work to rule out possible pneumonia. He had complained of some shortness of breath and was running a low-grade fever. They did the blood work and changed his antibiotic.
I was coming home the next morning. When I arrived at the airport, I was shocked to see how gray he looked. When I left on Thursday he had been fine, but a bit tired. He said that the lab had called and that his white counts were off.
“How off?”
Up to 20 (20,000). I had no other results and wondered if it was pneumonia or another raging infection. He said the Urgent Care doctor wished to see him the next morning to repeat the blood work.
Together we went in and the doctor ordered a CBC (complete blood count) to see if the white count had increased. He promised to call us the next day with the results. If the white count did increase, then Howard was to see a hematologist/ oncologist immediately. Being a nurse, I told him to get the blood work stat, make an appointment with a doctor for the next day, and to give a broad spectrum IV antibiotic to get started in case it was just infection. We could always cancel the appointment if we didn’t need to see the doctor.
We got the call about 4 p.m. with the news that the white count was now 27 (27,000), so we needed to keep the appointment that was made at the Fairfax Prince William Hematology-Oncology practice (now known as Virginia Cancer Center).
We met with Dr. Robert the next day; he was fairly new to the practice. He set up the exam table and took Howard’s blood pressure. When he saw me looking at him strangely, he asked me what the problem was. I told him, as a nurse, I had never seen a doctor take the blood pressure at the office. He said he really liked to get to know his patients. Little did we know that Dr. Robert would become an intimate part of our marriage and our lives for the next 20 years.
Dr. Robert told Howard he would be doing a bone marrow aspiration that day and had ordered an MRI the next. They let me stay and Howard didn’t even flinch when they drove the large needle into his hip bone. On the way home, we were both a bit quiet and spent the evening watching TV and trying not to think.
Howard had the MRI the next day, which was a Thursday. On Friday morning in Dr. Robert’s office, we learned of his diagnosis. I sat on my hands wanting to cry, but watched my husband look at Dr. Robert and say, “At least we know what it is, let’s get started on taking care of this.”
Dr. Robert informed us that chemo would begin immediately—a three-drug cocktail given IV push, i.e., when the nurse would push the drug through an IV in his arm rather than hang it from a bag of solution.
Initially, he was scheduled for six rounds of chemo, once every three weeks. When I asked how they came up with six, Dr. Robert told me it was half of 12 and that there are 12 months in a year. Quite scientific—not! As for dosage, he said they calculate how much would kill you then back it off. Probably shouldn’t have asked!
When we inquired about the prognosis, we were told 10-12 years. However, Dr. Robert didn’t believe in that. He said getting a diagnosis of cancer is saying to you don’t ever put off doing anything you want to do. Knowing we had more time helped, but Howard was just happy to have a name to put to why he was feeling so horribly.
On the drive home, Howard wasn’t feeling too badly. I jokingly said that I was glad that it wasn’t a brain tumor since I am always misplacing things and he wins the scavenger hunts; we would clearly be screwed.
Telling our family and friends was the next hurdle. Howard went to lie down and I started calling. How do you tell someone that a person they love has leukemia? It’s a good news/bad news kind of thing: “He has leukemia, but it’s not as bad as some types of leukemia?” None of it is good, but at least we had a chance that this might be manageable for a little while.
At 35, I was feeling fairly vulnerable about the possibility of being a young widow. But I took my cues from Howard and decided that I would put a positive spin on the situation even though my thoughts were spinning out of control. As a nurse, I was looking ahead to what might come or happen and had a hard time living in the moment. When anyone asked me if he was going to die, I said, “Not today.”
He received his requisite six rounds of chemo, but the blood tests indicated it was not enough, so he had three more months of chemo. Luckily, he then went into remission for a little over a year after that first round. Howard ended up getting a total of seven rounds of chemo in the ensuing 20 years of his disease.
Now chemo can have a fun side.
We were at the Kennedy Center with good friends enjoying “Phantom of the Opera.” During intermission we decided to have some wine. Howard, not a true wine drinker, really liked white zinfandel. He was amazed at how awesome it was! He kept saying he needed the name of the wine, because it was incredible. Now anyone who drinks white zinfandel knows that they all pretty much taste the same. But he was determined to buy only that particular wine!
Chemo can and does affect taste buds. Howard hated cheese, so we were kind of hoping that that might change and maybe he would eventually like it. Never happened.
One day while I was running his chemo at home, one of my nurse friends was over and we were doing highlights in her hair. I remarked that I hoped that the chemo was in his bag and the hair dye was on her head or we were in big trouble! The only other thing that would’ve made that day better is if we were simultaneously baking cookies in that toxic kitchen.
Howard and I were luckier than most leukemia couples because in between treatments, when he was feeling strong, we were able to travel and do fun things. He was getting chemo on our 10th anniversary in 1994, so in December of that fifth year of living with leukemia, we celebrated after chemo with an amazing trip to Australia. It was so good to see him snorkeling for the very first time at the Great Barrier Reef.
We had to learn to make fun in between treatments. When you go for 20 years with a disease, you cannot let the disease control you—though at times it would try.
In October 2010, before Howard passed away, friends lent us their condo in Myrtle Beach, S.C., for a week away. It was comfortable and a relaxing place for Howard, as well as an opportunity for solitude and reflection for me.
We enjoyed the beach, going out to dinner, and just relaxing. One day on the beach I noticed a mole on my leg that did not seem that unusual, but decided to make an appointment with Howard’s skin doctor. She didn’t think it was anything serious, might be a basal cell growth in appearance. She took other spots on my back to test. Those all came out normal.
Then she told me that the one on my leg was melanoma.
Am I so special that I wouldn’t ever have a diagnosis of cancer? That wasn’t my attitude at all. I had had a breast biopsy that was benign and had the lump removed. But we had been through so much with Howard, it was more like I felt, “Are you kidding?!?” and not, “Why me?”
I was fortunate that it was contained. Two small surgeries removed the affected tissue. To this day, I remain melanoma-free, but it scared the both of us.
That Christmas I looked at my brother and thanked him for loving Howard and being close to him. He looked at me and asked why I was saying all this now. I told him that I felt that this was Howard’s last Christmas. I didn’t know why, it was just a feeling.
After the first of the year, Howard’s counts continued to fall. He had adverse reactions to any chemo they tried to give him. He continued to receive bimonthly transfusions of blood and platelets.
It got to the point at Dr. Robert’s office that we would go right into the scheduling person to set up the hospital for the transfusion while I was on the phone getting Dr. Robert to write the order! Two of the people in the office didn’t know us and didn’t want to do it without the order. I told them it was on its way. Sure enough, Dr Robert walked in and said with a chuckle, “Don’t you realize these two pretty much run their treatments?”
On May 18, 2011, we went in to see Dr. Robert. He examined Howard and felt his spleen. Howard never complained of pain, but during this exam he flinched. His spleen was enlarged and his platelet count was 15,000 at that point. The spleen helps to manufacture platelets and regenerates white blood cells to fight infection. It was holding everything in and not functioning. Dr. Robert set up a CAT scan of his spleen the next day and talked about doing radiation on the spleen to shrink it. Howard got the CAT scan the next day and went into the hospital outpatient on Friday for platelets.
We went home afterward and he was fairly tired, so he lay down for a nap.
A good friend of ours, also a nurse, came over to visit. While there, Howard called me upstairs. He was bleeding profusely from his nose and it would not stop. It was a total steady stream. Our friend drove us to the ER where we stayed until 4 a.m. when a room became available. They kept insisting that they wanted to get nasal x-rays and that pinching his nose a certain way would stop the bleeding. However, his platelets were dangerously low and nothing was going to stop the flow.
Dr. Robert was away for the weekend, but he kept in contact with me through texting. He also kept in contact with the doctor on call that weekend to follow through. Howard was given more platelets, but he was still running a high fever and was very diaphoretic. Howard had no appetite, and wasn’t in the mood for much company. I stayed with him and a couple of friends and my mom came by for a little, but he was not up to company.
Howard was very quiet and then we both started talking about our life. I asked him if he had done everything he wanted to do with his life.
He said: “I married you.”
I started to cry, and then caught myself. I wanted to be strong for my husband. So we spoke of the fun times we had and the things we did for each other.
The doctor on-call called me out to the hall after he had examined Howard and looked at his labs. He told me that Howard should consider signing a DNR (do not resuscitate) as things had changed and were not getting better and I had to get him to do this.
Well, Howard was of sound mind and I told him what the doctor said. I asked who he might wish to talk with and what his opinion was about all this. He wanted to wait to see Dr. Robert on Monday when he returned. I informed the on-call doctor and asked him to treat Howard accordingly—no DNR at this time.
The nurses were amazing as was the hospital’s dietary staff. Howard wasn’t in the mood to eat, though he tried so hard to. They kept trying to come up with foods that would appeal to him. Our dear friend brought in cut up strawberries and he devoured them. So the goal was to bring in more fruit, but he wasn’t quite in the mood for it and, actually, was too tired to swallow.
On Monday, we met with the radiation oncologist. They were going to try radiation on Howard’s enlarged spleen to decrease its size and, hopefully, increase platelet production. They would know if it worked almost immediately. The doctor was very kind, but only gave the procedure a 50/50 chance of success.
Dr. Robert came in a little bit later and sat down by Howard’s bed and held his hand. I was on the other side holding on to him as to not ever let him go. Dr. Robert told him the cells had changed and were reproducing even more rapidly. His hope with the radiation was to buy Howard more time, allow more production of platelets, and to decrease pain. But he also spoke to him about a DNR.
Howard at first was reluctant and wanted to wait and see. He reminded us that two years prior to this, we hadn’t know if he would survive being intubated. So he raised the questions, “What if we waited if he had to be intubated to see if it got any better or he came back?”
Dr. Robert told him that wouldn’t happen. If he went down, there wasn’t coming back this time. Howard turned to me to ask my opinion.
I looked at him and told him I wanted him to live forever. Then I told him that with the rapid changes in the white count it appeared to me that we had run out of options. I would do whatever he asked, but I also didn’t want him suffering and lingering. However, the final decision was his.
He told Dr. Robert he would sign the consent, but did not want to wear the band that denotes DNR or the sheet near his bed. Dr Robert and the nurses were completely respectful of this. We were all teary, but were looking to radiation in the morning with optimism that he would at least get some comfort and maybe a little turnaround in his counts.
I called his daughters and told them that the next day may be a really good time to come in. I felt he still had more time, but I didn’t want to have them take a chance and not be there. They all were going to adjust scheduling to be there to visit.
That night at about 10 p.m., he suggested I go home because he knew some bills had to be paid. I still was trying to find something for him to eat that he could easily swallow and we both came up with mashed potatoes. So I told him I would bring him some the next day and I would be there by 6 a.m. so I could be there when they took him to radiology.
He asked me to call when I got home. When I did, he said, “Bring me peas.”
“What?”
“Peas, they go great with mashed potatoes. Sleep well, my Debi Jo. I love you.”
“I love you too, Howard, and I’ll be there early.”
I got the peas out of the cabinet and put them on the counter so I wouldn’t forget. I slept on the sofa in the family room after paying some bills. At 4:10 a.m. the phone rang. I jumped up to get it and it was the nurse at the hospital. She said, “I called you an hour ago, but you didn’t answer. Your husband is gone, I’m so sorry.”
I jumped back, and screamed. When I looked at the phone, I saw the answering machine light blinking. I threw the phone down, grabbed the cell and ran out the door. I called my mom on the way and tore down 66. I don’t even remember parking the car. I ran through the hospital and got to his room where he looked as if he were sleeping.
On May 24, I kissed him good bye and wept as my heart broke.
Sandcastles.
Before Howard passed away, we talked about what we wanted done for his funeral, burial, etc. Both of us wanted to be cremated. Howard told me he wished his ashes to be with me for a year, then to do whatever I was comfortable with. As it turned out, it was a little over two years before a plan emerged on just the right thing to do.
After much soul-searching, I kept coming back to the beach. I knew if he was in the ocean, I would always be surrounded by him. The ocean and beach bring me peace and that is what I wanted for Howard.
His youngest daughter wanted to go with me so we decided to head to Rehoboth as Howard and I liked it there. As we were driving, she asked me what I planned to do.
I looked at her and said: “Absolutely no idea.”
I figured I had gotten the beach and ocean part thought out, but not the rest. She told me she had a dream the night before that we had built a sandcastle and put Howard’s ashes in the castle. Then the waves washed them away. I turned to her with tears in my eyes and said that was the most beautiful thing I had heard, and that’s what we were going to do.
Since we planned to do it at night, once we got to the beach we headed down to the ocean to sit and relax.
While there, I looked at her and said, “How do we know what is high tide and low tide?”
“No idea.”
So we wandered the beach and saw other castles. Maybe we’d tag onto those. We found a plastic shovel just lying around and decided we might use that as part of our castle building. We then headed up to the boardwalk to relax at a beach cafe before changing for dinner.
We ate a quiet supper together and enjoyed the beach and the peace that it brings.
We headed back to the room to retrieve Howard’s ashes. Karen got the shovel and a plastic cup she had grabbed from the restaurant to make the castle. When we got to the beach, I could see the water wasn’t coming up very far. Karen said that she would dig a ditch for the water to flow up if the waves didn’t reach our castle. No one else was on the beach and the sky was full of stars.
Karen started digging. I had music playing and was hugging the box with Howard’s ashes. It was quiet except for our music and there was no wind. I told her that I didn’t think I could put the ashes in the castle so she said she would be happy to do it. There were rose petals and some miniature dried rosebuds in the box as well. It was going to be hard to let go, but we all needed a place of peace.
The waves were not coming up to our sand castle at all. We really had started too far back. So she started another one closer to the water, but the waves only came to within a foot of our castle. She said she would dig a trench once she put the ashes in. Just as she dropped the last ash and petals into the castle, a big wave came up and embraced the castle and took it and Howard’s ashes out to sea; there was nothing left.
No other waves came close afterward as we stood there for a moment, each with our private thoughts.
Together, with tears and while hugging each other, we released three Chinese lanterns into the night sky and quietly watched them float away.
The next morning we got up to see the sunrise and went to the spot where we had placed the ashes the night before. A single pink rose bud had washed up on shore.
Karen looked at me. “Do you need any more signs that all is right?”
Who she is: Lindsey Cronin Kittredge is the co-founder and executive director of Boston-based Shooting Touch, Inc., an organization that harnesses the power of basketball to elevate the health, education, and opportunities of youths and young adults around the world.
What she does: “We established a year-round program that provides inner-city and suburban youth with opportunities for development, both on and off the court,” Kittredge says. “Internationally, our Shooting Touch Sabbatical Program, known as the “Basketball Peace Corps,” provides the opportunity for gifted college graduates to work in Rwanda, dedicating an entire year of service to using basketball as a catalyst for good.”
Why she does it: Kittredge and her husband founded Shooting Touch in 2007—a process that she says was very organic. “My husband, Justin, is a passionate basketball lover and coach who was working with under-served youth in and around Boston,” Kittredge explains. “He was teaching them about basketball fundamentals and offering mentoring skills off-court. He knew that the kids could not otherwise afford a mainstream basketball camp or clinic—and they showed up every week, grateful and happy.”
Shooting for Profound Change: One Basket at a Time
Lindsey Kittredge was working as marketing, sales, and PR specialist in the real estate industry when opportunity knocked.
“I enjoyed what I was doing, but I could never wrap my brain around what purpose I was serving,” admits Kittredge, an athlete who played D1 lacrosse in college who became an endurance runner.
When her husband’s basketball clinics started to grow dramatically, she and Justin realized there was an obvious need for the education he was providing—on and off the court.
“And not just inner-city youth,” Kittredge realized. “But for suburban youths of all levels as well—including kids outside the US.”
As a publicist and jock, Kittredge says she always found sports to be an effective way to reach people.
“So when my job required me to travel around the country shortly after the birth of our first child, I realized that now was the time to focus on this inner calling of mine and re-direct my sails.”
Soon after, the couple put their heads and hearts together—and Shooting Touch was born.
In the years since, the organization has shifted from a local Boston basketball program to an international NGO working in seven countries, and impacting more than 6,500 youths globally each year.
Its board of directors includes NBA players, coaches, Hall of Famers, and ESPN broadcasters. And, its sponsors are Reebok, Powerade, and Muscle Milk, among others.
“We hope to resonate with audiences of all ages who love the power of sports and the positive impact it has on the lives of others,” says Kittredge, whose players in the Boston Shooting Touch program range from 3rd graders to college seniors. Its international program, which currently operates in Rwanda, works with children 10 to 18 years old.
“We have built courts around the world in places where the sport of basketball did not otherwise exist,” Kittredge shares. “We have given AIDS orphans—in desolate places like rural Gulati, Zimbabwe—a place to play and experience joy. And, we have given purpose and opportunities to girls in Rwanda, who would never have been introduced to nor allowed the opportunity to play sports at all.”
In addition, Shooting Touch has:
Provided more than 100 summer basketball camp scholarships to girls and boys from Boston neighborhoods, such as Roxbury, Mattapan, and Dorchester. “For one week in the middle of July, these kids are happy learning basketball from the best high school coach to ever teach the game—Hall of Fame Inductee Coach Bob Hurley.”
* Given six college graduates the opportunity of a lifetime to leave the country after graduation, travel, and work in a foreign country using the game that they love to educate—and in some cases—save lives.
And, “we have helped ourselves by understanding fully that it is so much more rewarding to give than receive.”
“There is enormous satisfaction and purpose in helping the lives of others,” Kittredge insists. “If you simply have an idea, and the will and persistence to see it through, big change can occur—for yourself, and for others.
What are Kittredge’s biggest challenges?
“Growing a NGO on a shoestring annual budget of $150,000 is not easy, but we know that what we are doing is critical to so many kids’ lives,” she believes. “Our goal for 2014 is to secure more funding—a lot more funding—so that we can improve our resources in Africa and in our own backyard of Beantown. We are passionate about our cause, and we look forward to achieving the amazing heights we know we will soar to.”
The March winds swept us up to the headquarters of SeriousFun in Westport, CT, where we met with Alyson Fox, director of the Global Partnership Program of the SeriousFun Children’s Network.
Founded in 1988 by actor Paul Newman, this incredible program serves more than 440,000 children who are suffering from illnesses in more than 50 countries. It has 30 initiatives worldwide, including 14 full-member camps, 13 Global Partnership Programs, and three new camps in development.
Fox (aka: Aly) has been with the organization since 2005, first as part of the New Camp Development team, supporting camp founders from their first inspiration of building a camp all the way to opening their doors for their first campers. In 2008, she transitioned to the new Global Partnership Program (GPP), building it from a pilot of three camp partnerships to a network of 13 camps and growing. She became director of GPP in November 2012.
Fox began her career working at Brown University in the Health Services Department, collaborating with the medical staff and campus life teams to teach, train, and counsel Brown students about a wide variety of health issues.
In this podcast interview you’ll learn:
All about the SeriousFun Global Partnership Program
Why the organization doesn’t build permanent camps around the world
The global partners Fox works with—and how these relationships developed
How they find the kids to participate in camp—and how they ensure that they are cared for medically
How the experience at a GPP camp differs from the US-based SeriousFun camps
And what she hopes campers learn each year
Click here to listen to the podcast on the Truly Amazing Women Radio Show on the Inkandescent Radio Network.
Also give a listen to our interview with SeriousFun directors Steve Nagler (director of Program Innovation and Evaluation) and Kelly Elliott (interim director, Camp Support Services) in our Inkandescent Entrepreneur Show.
And be sure to check out the May 2014 issue of BeInkandescent magazine, which will feature interviews with other SeriousFun leaders—including Clea Newman, daughter of founder/actor Paul Newman, who will be our May Entrepreneur of the Month.
Yoga teacher Lisa Rueff is the executive director of Do It For The Love, a foundation founded in August 2013 by rocker Michael Franti and ER nurse Sara Agah. (Rueff is shown here, center, with Franti and Agah.)
This nonprofit, wish-granting organization brings people to live concerts who are in advanced stages of life-threatening illnesses, as well as children with severe challenges and wounded veterans.
Before joining Do It For The Love, Rueff worked with Virgin Unite—the philanthropic arm of Richard Branson’s Virgin Companies. Her job included organizing trips to countries that Virgin focused on for cultural exploration and entrepreneurial sharing.
Highlights include leading a trip to Jordan with Her Majesty Queen Noor as Ambassador, and with Sir Richard Branson to South Africa to focus on professional skills assistance, educational opportunities, and making the global village an even better place to live.
In addition, Rueff is an internationally celebrated yoga teacher. Through her company, Yoga Ventures, she has led more than 30 humanitarian-focused yoga and service trips abroad. She encourages her students to discover the joys of philanthropy and volunteer work, which ultimately means practicing yoga on and off your mat.
In this podcast interview, we learn:
How Rueff got involved with the Do It For The Love foundation.
Who inspired Franti and Agah to start the foundation.
How the process of applying works, and how many people have been beneficiaries.
How the idea behind the foundation has been received by the musical community.
Which concert would she attend if her wish was granted?
In addition to being the executive director of Do It For The Love, Lisa Rueff is a vibrant and enthusiastic Bay Area yoga teacher popular for her ability to bring community together for fun and flowing yoga classes, as well as for fundraising events to benefit causes close to her heart. Based in Marin, she leads yoga retreats, classes, and workshops all over the world.
Leading international yoga and service trips abroad, she encourages her students to discover the joys of philanthropy and volunteer work. She also combines her love of international travel and yoga with short-term humanitarian trips to have a profound and sustainable impact on the global community.
Rueff is also founder and director of The Jacmel Children Center in Haiti, where she and her husband built a children’s community center and permanent home for homeless orphans.
Dr. Esther Sternberg is the research director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, at the University of Arizona at Tucson, founded by Dr. Andrew Weil—our Entrepreneur of the Month in the December 2013 issue of Be Inkandescent magazine.
In fact, Dr. Esther was our Entrepreneur of the Month in June 2012, when she inspired us to write our entire issue on the theme, The Business of Healing Yourself.
So we wanted to catch up with the former NIH researcher to see what she’s working on in the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, how the transition from DC to Tucson went—and what kind of work she’s doing with with the Pope!
Before we get started with our Q&A, here’s a little more information about Dr. Sternberg.
Before taking her current job at the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, Dr. Sternberg was the section chief of Neuroendocrine Immunology and Behavior at the National Institute of Mental Health, headquartered just outside of Washington, DC.
In addition, she has long been recognized internationally for her discoveries of the science of the mind-body interaction in illness and healing, and she is a major force in collaborative initiatives on mind-body-stress-wellness and environment inter-relationships.
What we focused on in our 2012 cover story on Dr. Sternberg were her groundbreaking, best-selling books, “Healing Spaces: The Science of Place and Well-Being,” and, “The Balance Within: The Science Connecting Health and Emotions” —both of which are informative and scientifically based inspirations to doctors and laypeople alike in dealing with the complexities of stress, healing, and wellness. In fact, PBS created and hosted a special based on her books called, “The Science of Healing.”
But what truly sets her apart from the pack is her ability to translate complex scientific subjects for lay audiences. Dr. Sternberg has testified before Congress, advised the World Health Organization, and is a regular contributor to “Science” magazine’s “Books et al.” column, and a regular columnist for Arthritis Today.
In this podcast interview you’ll learn:
What Dr. Sternberg is working on at the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine—and how her life has changed since taking this job.
Why she had the opportunity to meet the Pope—and what she’s working on with him.
What inspired her to write her books, “The Balance Within,” and “Healing Spaces.”
Why living with less stress and eating the Mediterranean Diet is so beneficial.
And—she offers three, easy-to-integrate tips that listeners can follow to begin to have a balance within.
The founders of Tomorrow’s Lemonade Stand (TLS) think you do — and their community of little ladies and mini-men promote and instill the spirit of entrepreneurship for girls and boys in America.
“We empower them at an early age to become confident, self-reliant, and capable,” explains Amanda Antico, an entrepreneur herself, who saw a spark in her daughter, Kylee — and was determined to keep it alive.
“Our focus is to instill the joys of being creative, taking a risk, and finding a passion for children ages 7-11 (2nd – 4th graders).
Kylee, she realized in 2011, was like many other modern kids in America: smart, playful, and enthusiastic.
“Modern-day Lemonade Makers envision a better world and believe themselves to be key players in making that change take place through entrepreneurship. Our mission is to nurture and protect that belief at the earliest age possible.”
“Plus, it’s really fun and we learn a ton,” insists Kylee, 9, who in addition to thinking through the aspects of running a business, has also learned quite a bit about teamwork, compromise, leadership, marketing — and what makes a product (such as a sugar cookie shaped like a cat) something people want to not just try, but buy.
So it was a pleasure to sit down with Amanda and Kylee, in their dining room in Northern VA to learn more about TLS.
In this podcast interview you’ll learn:
How TLS makes the experience of learning about entrepreneurship fun.
How its curriculum provides a blended learning environment where students learn concepts, create new businesses, and interact with established entrepreneurs from a variety of industries.
Why they consider themselves “the scouts for the new economy — and we make the cookies ourselves.”
Kylee co-founded lLifte at the age of 7 and is now the the founder of Tomorrow’s Lemonade Stand, lLifte’s first project.
She is now in 3rd Grade and loves to sing, play piano, dance, and be sassy.
Kylee is also a fashionista who loves to travel and relax on the beach with a good book.
She deeply believes that thinking out of the box will help her and her friends build the life they want.
About AMANDAANTICO, CO-FOUNDER
Antico is also an entrepreneur. Passionate about encouraging social entrepreneurship, Amanda is particularly interested in educating the next generation to build stronger and more sustainable communities.
Antico earned a Bachelor’s degree in Human Services and Psychology from George Washington University, a Master’s degree in Organizational Learning from George Mason University, and a doctorate from George Washington University.
Trainer, executive coach, and organizational strategist Amy Elizabeth Fox has experience in consulting for corporations and nonprofit organizations around the country and also around the world.
Since 2004, she has been running Mobius Executive Leadership, a boutique firm specializing in organization building and corporate training in leadership development.
Her consulting and training work focuses on issues of communication, team building, negotiation, and strategic planning. Over the past decade and a half she has spoken at numerous national industry gatherings and led workshops for corporate executives across the country. Her clients include American Management Systems, Standard and Poors, Merrill Lynch, and Capital One.
Scroll down to learn more about her insights.
Be Inkandescent: Let’s talk about Mobius. What exactly do you do?
Amy Elizabeth Fox: Organizations bring us in when typically they’re either in a period of large growth or some kind of performance transformation. These are times when there’s a lot of change, a lot of stress, and a need to help senior leaders and others who are going to be involved in the change management process cultivate qualities of discernment, collaboration, and an attitude and mindset of learning high performance. So we’re usually looking at the human capital dimension of large-scale change.
Be Inkandescent: Can you give us an example of someone you worked with recently and what you did for them?
Amy Elizabeth Fox: Sure! One of our clients was a global chemical company that was working on integrating a new operating system, a new way of conducting business. The client was very interested in having its people proactively learn from their mistakes and helping leaders within the organization to inspire employees to take ownership of the change process and also drive it to new heights. They brought us in to do our leadership programs, which has four key aspects.
Aspects of Leading Self: This includes cultivating emotional intelligence, being able to manage reactivity, and being able to bring an optimism and positivity to daily interactions, team meetings, and projects. Modules on managing yourself include everything from a centering practice of meditation or movement or yoga all the way to thinking about what gives you meaning, what your natural strengths are, and how to use opportunities to play to your strengths or amplify activities that give you energy.
Leading Others: The second dimension of the program focuses on interpersonal skills. A lot of the work we do was developed at the program on negotiation at Harvard Law school where Mobius cofounder Erica Ariel Fox has been a long-time lecturer. So we teach work related to negotiation skills, but also broader skills that have to do with how you create “follower-ship,” how you influence others, how do you build a network around you to support your vision and your ideas, and everything related to high-quality interpersonal interactions. Our goal is to help facilitate the business-critical conversations people have every day so that they happen as skillfully and productively as possible. We also strive to encourage curiosity and an openness to persuasion and a willingness to reveal some of what really matters to you.
Creating High-Performing Teams: In this third dimension, we look at what behaviors and team norms enable people to generate collective intelligence when they’re trying to work collaboratively with each other.
Systems Thinking and Organizational Learning: We focus in this last dimension of leadership on adaptive leadership—how to help people lead in the face of uncertainty. It’s important that leaders lead not just by their level of technical knowledge but with their ability to intuit, the ability to look for early signals, the ability to encourage a culture of imagination. We also work on managing organizational resistance, which is inevitable in a large change process.
Be Inkandescent: How did you get involved in this industry and what inspired you to start Mobius in 2004.
Amy Elizabeth Fox: I had the privilege of being trained by colleagues of Erica’s at Harvard Law School—Doug Stone, Shiela Heen, and Bruce Patton—when they produced their book, “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.”
We discovered that when people started talking about “Difficult Conversations,” there was clearly a business problem-solving focus, but there was also a very interpersonal, psychological dimension. During the nine years I taught that book, I saw many businessespeople discover how just a little bit of training and increased awareness could free them to have conversations that they had been avoiding for years or had been working around for long periods of time.
I got very excited by the changes that I saw people making in the classroom. But there was a very interesting trend in corporate training around the time that I started Mobius. Erica and I were both noticing that clients were asking for programs to be shorter in duration, less customized, delivered by less senior experts. I just couldn’t imagine a long-term career in which I was doing something where the content was really rich and incredibly significantly helpful but we were being asked to conduct it in a way that was going to dilute the power of the work.
Erica and I created Mobius in the hopes of creating longer programs that went deeper with clients, that pulled in not just psychology but everything we know about organizational development, organizational effectiveness, as well as the world of expressive art, as well as some of the extraordinary wisdom and practices that come out of the worlds of philosophy and religion and existential psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
Be Inkandescent: You must have known instinctively that not all clients wanted it short and cursory either.
Amy Elizabeth Fox: Actually I didn’t know whether we would find clients who valued something deeper and more transformational, and who had the courage and boldness to stretch outside their comfort zone in a learning environment. Fortunately, we discovered very quickly that many, many clients recognize that their people are their strongest assets and see the work that we do with them as an opportunity to really engage leaders at a whole other level. The work we do touches on character development, moral development, and psychological mindedness in a way that enables business leaders to be far far more effective in their business interactions internally within the company but also often externally with key stakeholders and customers and clients.
Be Inkandescent: You clearly hit that nail in the head, especially with Mobius’ new book, which just came out in September, called, “Winning From Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change.” Tell us a little bit about it.
Amy Elizabeth Fox: The book is a consolidation of 15 years of Erica’s teaching and coaching in Harvard Law School, but also her work in the public and private sectors with clients at very senior levels. The book builds on the seminal perspective of how to negotiate with a win-win approach. One of the central ideas in getting to yes is that you have to separate the people from the problem. In other words, the job of two parties in conflict is to see themselves as allies in solving the problem, which is the conflict between them.
But in teaching that negotiating tactic, Erica kept hearing, “That’s great, but sometimes, the people are the problem.” People were getting stuck not just on the substance but also on the qualities of the relationship, level of communication, level of trust, and the level of good will, and the willingness of people to disclose their interest.
Over time in Erica’s coaching she started to have people ask themselves, “What happens if I’m the problem? The reason that we are getting stuck is because I’m behaving in a way that doesn’t actually best represent my intrinsic skills or even necessarily my best intentions.”
*Be Inkandescent: Tell us more about the genesis of Erica’s book, “Winning From Within,” which was our book of the month in the July issue of Be Inkandescent magazine.
Amy Elizabeth Fox: The first part of “Winning From Within” looks at what we can do to get out of our own way. The second part of the book maps what Erica calls the inner negotiators, the big four aspects of each of us: the Lover, the Thinker, the Warrior, and the Dreamer. Her contention is that most of us have one or two of the big four that were very good at, one that we don’t use quite as often but we could if we had to, and one that we largely don’t use at all and that is the weak link in our big four.
The developmental opportunity for everyone who engages in the book is to figure out how to get the full range of leadership capabilities—all the muscles, all the capacities, all the skills embodied in the big four—to be at your disposal. Erica creates a pathway, a methodology, for helping people not just understand where they’re stuck but actually get moving.
The final part of the book is a very deep, wise, reflection on the dimension of all us that’s underneath any aspect of our personality, the part of us that has deep equanimity and peace and a sense of center.
Be Inkandescent: It is an amazing book and not one that I was able to sit down in one swoop to absorb, but I find myself going back to it again and again. You and I talked at the Professional BusinessWomen of California Conference about the importance of being generous. What does that mean in terms of your business, and what advice do you have for others about being generous?
Amy Elizabeth Fox: Well, I would say that generosity is probably one of the central tributaries to the success of Mobius, because I consider it an absolute business essential that each of us understands our success is interdependent with other people’s success. Everything that has come to me as a CEO of a company has come because at the same time that I’ve been building my dream I’ve been actively looking for opportunities to have that dream intersect and lift up other people’s dreams.
A lot of what we do is about serving our clients, and we spend the rest of our time caring for one another. And I think often it’s the quality of intimacy and kindness and grit of our relationship with one another that enable us to do such unique things with our clients that really touch their cores of fear and aspiration. I think if we weren’t as intimate with each other and as generous with each other we wouldn’t be able to go as deeply into our clients as we do.
Next summer a group of us will be founding something called the Next Practice Institute, through which we hope to make a body of work that’s we’ve developed over 15 to 20 years available to practitioners, executive coaches, facilitators, and trainers who have an interest in what I think of as the nexus between best practice next practice.
Be Inkandescent: Excellent, well we’ll be interested in seeing what evolves around that. So when it comes to being generous, what are some ideas that an entrepreneur can take away? I call it “Pay It Forward.”
Amy Elizabeth Fox:
Publish a quarterly newsletter. Some of the pages of our newsletter are used to promote Mobius faculty and our client offerings, but I also make the space available to the 20 alliance partners, asking them what they would like to feature, and giving them free advertising space. The newsletter has really as a result has been seen as a collective resource for lifting up our work and making it more visible.
Build a body of work. I think part of being generous is taking a stance that you’re not just building an organization or a company or a bottom line, you’re building a body of work. So look for places to mentor other people and to invite practitioners from other disciplines. Really look for ways that whatever it is you’re doing can help others learn and grow and stretch.
Perform small acts of kindness. These can be very personal. For example, whenever it’s someone’s birthday in my community, the day before I make sure to send out notes to people who are close to that person to alert them of that person’s birthday because I’m trying to plant seeds. Micro and macro acts of generosity are how you create community, and so mindfully noting when there’s a milestone in someone’s life—be it a birth or a death, a new home or new book, or a loss of some kind—are part of the critical way you weave the fabric of generosity inside an organization.
Be Inkandescent: And why do you think that is so important?
Amy Elizabeth Fox: I really believe the universe works on a principle of reciprocity. I think if you give out generously in openhanded faith that there really isn’t a scarcity of resource and there isn’t a scarcity of love, there’s an enormity of love, then you live and walk in a world which is loving and that’s certainly the kind of world I want to live in.
I feel that part of the stance of generosity is very closely related to the stance of gratitude. I think having a lot of gratitude for small things and large gifts enables you then to be openhanded rather than grasping, and the stance of openhandedness then enables you then to look constantly for opportunities to serve, opportunities to be of help, opportunities to include others, opportunities to leverage what you’ve created, to create more impact.
Be Inkandescent: We look forward to reading many many things about what Mobius’ leadership is doing. Thank you again, Amy.
“I’m a cowardly writer,” admits Barbara Shapiro, author of the critically acclaimed bestseller, “The Art Forger,” a twisty tale of the largest unsolved art theft in history, of paintings from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in 1990.
“Some writers sit down and begin a novel without knowing where it will end, trusting the process to bring their story to a satisfying conclusion,” explains the writer of nine books, including five published suspense novels.
“But not me. I need an outline that allows me to believe my idea might be transformed into a successful novel. I need a working plot. Which is why it takes me so damn long to get from the first glimmer of an idea to a complete manuscript.”
The good news for readers
Shapiro fell in love with Isabella Stewart Gardner back in 1983. True, the heiress died in 1924, but when two men dressed as police officers broke into her museum in 1990 and stole 13 pieces of art that today are worth more than $500 million—Shapiro knew she had plenty of juicy details to work with.
But wasn’t the topic too vast and complicated? Wouldn’t someone else beat her to the publishing punch? Or, perhaps, the mystery would be solved before she could finish writing a book about the heist.
Shapiro’s doubts kept the idea for her literary thriller tucked in her imagination as she wrote other books, raised two kids, and put her PhD in sociology to work teaching creative writing at Northeastern University.
Then one day, 19 years after the heist, when the fate of Rembrandt’s “The Storm on the Sea of Galilee,” Vermeer’s “The Concert,” and the other artwork remained unknown, Shapiro had a breakthrough.
“I was ruminating on how difficult life was for anyone in the arts, and feeling more than a bit sorry for myself, when my missing link appeared in the form of a question: What would any of us be willing to do to secure our ambitions? Unknown artists, famous artists, collectors, brokers, and gallery owners? Me? Isabella Stewart Gardner herself?”
Shapiro expanded her cast of characters, and gave each one a temptation their egos couldn’t resist.
The result is a 355-page story that includes a Faustian bargain for Claire Roth, a talented young Boston artist who agrees to forge a Degas painting in exchange for a gallery show. When she begins to suspect that the Degas in her studio may be the original stolen during the 1990 robbery, Claire begins an investigation that uncovers secrets about the relationship between Degas and Isabella Gardner. Thievery, romance, danger, and intrigue ensue.
Who could ask more for more?
Shapiro, perhaps, who at 61 struggles with the mystery of why some authors hit the big time, while others take decades, if ever, to realize their dreams of writing a bestseller.
“It is bizarre, after all of these years, to have it happen now—and it is just blowing me away,” Shapiro tells the “Costco Connection” from her home office in Boston. “I have some friends who made it really early in their careers and then they spend the rest of the time trying to keep up with their first books.”
“Yes, I feel like I ‘deserve’ this success in the sense that I’ve worked really hard, and I think I wrote a pretty good book. But I also know many people who have worked just as hard, and have written good—if not better—books, and they aren’t getting this gift. I chalk it up to the whims of fate, and a big chunk of luck.”
This article originally appeared in the June 2013 issue of theCostco Connection.
Going global is not a new idea—but being able to handle the challenges of working within foreign cultures, well, that can be a challenge.
Fortunately, there is help.
In her new book Developing Your Global Mindset, Jennie Walker, PhD, provides a handbook for enabling everyone from entrepreneurs to corporate executives to become better global leaders.
Co-written with Mansour Javidan — a multiple award-winning executive educator and author whose teaching and research interests span the globe — the book provides nine steps to help us all work globally by developing our intellectual, psychological, and social capital.
Before we launch into our Q&A, here’s a little background on this Truly Amazing Woman..
Walker is the director of Global Learning and Market Development at the Najafi Global Mindset Institute at Thunderbird University in Phoenix, Arizona. She has worked in adult learning and performance since 1995, and has specialized in corporate leadership developments since 2002. She designed and delivered leadership programs for several Fortune 500 companies in multiple industries.
Her research and work focuses on the most effective methods to develop individuals and teams for success in complex, diverse, and increasingly global environments. She’s also a frequent presenter at professional conferences, including the Society of Human Resource Management, the Academy of International Business, the American Society for Training and Development, and the American Education Research Association.
Click here to listen to our podcast interview with Walker on the Inkandescent Radio Network, and scroll down to read our Q&A.
Be Inkandescent: Let’s start with the basics. What exactly does the phrase ‘global mindset’ mean?
Jennie Walker: Well, developing a global mindset is a concept that has been around the business world for quite some time. Starting in the 1960s, actually, this term was being used. At that time, business leaders acknowledged the need to have a global awareness, because there were elements of cross-cultural understanding that they knew would help them be more successful in their businesses. Of course, in the decades since then, we’ve developed a plethora of insights into what global mindset really means.
Be Inkandescent: Is that what you focus on at the Najafi Global Mindset Institute?
Jennie Walker: Yes, that is all that we really focus our studies on. How do we better define what it means to have a global mindset, how do we measure it, and how do we develop it? What we’ve come up with is that global mindset is really the key to building deep understanding and partnerships across complex global environments. Those complexities include culture, political environments, economic environments, and regulatory differences that can really be some obstacles for people trying to do business across borders. So global mindset encompasses a set of key capabilities to be an effective global leader.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us more about your book Developing Your Global Mindset. What is the goal, and who is your audience?
Jennie Walker: We have been measuring people’s global mindsets for quite some time, and have assessed more than 19,000 leaders around the globe. The question after assessing people in their strengths and their areas of opportunity has been: ‘So now what? What do I do now that I know where I stand with my global mindset? How do I develop myself?’ That’s why we wrote the book, because we wanted to provide practical, engaging ways to help business execs develop into global leaders. The book shines a light on the 35 capabilities within nine dimensions of the global mindset to help readers accomplish that goal.
Be Inkandescent: What sorts of ideas you discuss within each capability?
Jennie Walker: When we talk about cognitive complexity, for instance, we’re focusing on what it takes to be successful in that particular dimension. And then we break it down very practically into what people can do in a variety of different learning methodologies. We know that picking up a book is not going to cut it for a lot of people; they’re not interested, they have plenty to read in their day jobs. So perhaps, what are better ways of developing that by connecting with other people, say by having conversations. If somebody is already proficient in a particular area, we encourage him or her to coach and develop others, and contribute to their organization’s development in that particular capacity. So we explore each of the dimensions fully, as to how they can be developed in dynamic ways, and we’ve done that from a research standpoint, as well.
Be Inkandescent: In our Tips for Entrepreneurs column in the August issue of BeInkandescent.com, we outline the nine steps for developing a global mindset. This includes three key areas: global intellectual capital, global psychological capital, and a global social capital. This seems like a very holistic approach to being effective in the global marketplace.
Jennie Walker: It’s definitely a holistic model, and it’s looking at the full scope of capabilities needed to succeed in complex global environments. Based on our research—which has included interviews and assessments of thousands of people who are working in these real world, demanding global positions—we know this range of capabilities is what is need to inspire hearts, minds, motivations, and interests. It encompasses all of those so that people can really approach these cross-cultural interactions with their whole self.
Be Inkandescent: When we interviewed your co-author, Mansour Javidan, he talked about how difficult this mission is because most of us grow up in a monoculture. Then, as an adult you get thrown into an international multicultural environment and are expected to shine when you may afraid or inexperienced. Is that at the core of some of the things you were tackling in this book?
Jennie Walker: Yes, definitely. Growing up in one culture limits you in terms of your worldview, simply because you have little exposure to diversity. But I’ve been heartened by some of the audiences I’ve worked with recently in asking that question about their diverse experiences as children. More and more people seem to be raising their hands, so I think we’re doing a better job, in some cases in our educational system, but we don’t do enough.
Be Inkandescent: What could we improve on?
Jennie Walker: We certainly have a very large gap in diversity education, much less cross-cultural education. We look at the American educational system for sure, and others among countries, as well. We simply have gaps in this area around the globe, and there’s a whole set of generations who haven’t had a lot of exposure—and they’re having to play catch up. These are people who have now entered very senior executive roles, are responsible for global operations or a global arm of operations, and are feeling ill prepared. As a result, they may have some unintended consequences in their careers.
Be Inkandescent: That seems to be at the bottom of all of this, in my mind. For regardless of whether you’re working internationally, it’s so important to know how to work with other people from other cultures. And that’s a theme that I think you address beautifully in the book.
Jennie Walker: Thank you. We take the approach in each of these nine steps when we look at how to develop them—because having a global mindset is often critical in your own backyard. Where you live, in Washington, DC, is a perfect example. Anyone who has the luxury of living in a huge city is going to have opportunities to expose themselves to new people from different cultures, different languages, different ways of being and thinking, and new and diverse environments. You can go into different parts of DC, New York City, Miami, or Los Angeles and have authentic cultural experiences that you may not have grown up with yourself. For those who live in smaller cities or even in rural areas, there are still ways to develop the capacity to be successful in global roles; it just means being a little more creative with how you do that. We try to present a wide range of development activities in the book for considering those people as well.
Be Inkandescent: How does this fit in with Thunderbird’s Najafi Global Mindset Institute?
Jennie Walker: Our mission is to define, assess, and develop global mindset. We do that for corporations, not-for-profit organizations, government entities, and we also work with quite a few business schools to help them better prepare students for global realities, especially in the business world. The book fits directly into our mission because at the heart of Thunderbird’s mission we aim to create sustainable business worldwide.
Be Inkandescent: From that vantage point, what do you think business leaders most need to master?
Jennie Walker: The way that they interact at the ground level as managers and leaders around the globe is critical, because that’s where they make the biggest impression. It could be the first time that they’ve interacted with someone from a particular country, and they start to make associations about what people from that country are like, and what it’s like to do business with them. To be most effective, it’s critical to foster fluid, strong, cross-cultural business relationships, and that starts with having a global mindset.
Be Inkandescent: Now tell us more about you! How did you get into doing this work?
Jennie Walker: Years ago, I was working as a print and broadcast journalist, and one of my peers told me that he thought I would be particularly good in a corporate training environment. I didn’t even know what that was, and when I explored it more fully, I realized that it is about communicating well with others—and that has a lot to do with writing and speaking well, which is what I had been doing, and it’s also my passion. In addition, I love teaching what I know. So I transitioned into corporate training. I found that I had a real affinity for working with people from other cultures, and developing people around diversity and cross-cultural management issues. So it was a great fit.
Be Inkandescent: Where did you go from there?
Jennie Walker: I spent a number of years in corporate training departments developing leaders, and I was pursuing my doctorate in higher education with a focus on global leadership development methodologies when I met Mansour. I had looked at some of his research and contacted him to get some insight into some of his work, and I thought ‘I’m never going to hear from this person, he’s super important in the academics business world’ and I heard from him right away. It turns out that here at Thunderbird they had an interest in somebody that had an eye in the academic side of manage development, but they needed somebody that could really translate that into the practical working realities of business professionals. How do we take what we know from our research and develop people? So I was brought in specifically to do that.
Be Inkandescent: How has it been going?
Jennie Walker: It has been such fascinating and rewarding work, and I am consistently inspired by the people who I meet who are so very passionate about connecting with people across the globe, about doing good in business. They really have some higher motivations to work with diverse others, and that inspires me daily. And to know that I am able to play a part in guiding their development and providing them solutions to problems that they’ve really struggled with is rewarding.
Be Inkandescent: How has the work you are doing with Mansour and Thunderbird influenced your deep understanding about what it means to work globally?
Jennie Walker: Knowing that I can take my work and inspire and influence other business leaders around the world who have a lot of hands on interaction across the globe is incredibly rewarding. And, it has reinforced my understanding that we need to do a better job connecting with people across the globe because we have so much in common. We also have some differences that we need to work to resolve to have better understanding between our societies. But I am confident that with a little training, and introspection, it can be done—and done well.
Be Inkandescent: Before we let you go, can you give us three tips for entrepreneurs to know as they head out to pick up your book?
Jennie Walker: First, I would suggest that entrepreneurs really focus on their global psychological capital, and that is because having a passion for diversity, a quest for adventure — which really means an interest in engaging in new experiences and exploring new places — and building our self-assurance.
Tap into the heart of psychological capital. Really explore our motivations, values, and interests for working in the global space, it helps us develop. It helps us really get to the heart of the issues that may be holding us back from our career goals or from our personal goals that are around the globe.
Look at your networks. Who are you currently networked with in meaningful ways? Not just the head count that they have on their Facebook or LinkedIn, but whom do they regularly pick up the phone and talk to or Skype with. How diverse is that network? Diversity of network is going to create fluidity across the globe, and specifically in regions that a person wants to work in.
Increase your global business savvy. This is an area where people tend to score pretty low. The reason is that we often work with people who are specialized in a particular area. Sometimes if we focus too hard on our specialties, we’re not getting a good 30,000-foot view of what’s going on in the world, which creates some issues of credibility; not only is that about functional knowledge, but global business savvy is something that helps us grease the wheels where we’re doing work. People need to know that we have some foundational knowledge of the industry that we’re working in. Especially if we’re consulting, we need to know what’s going on there. We also need to be able to speak to, what are the current events? What are some of the regional or world issues that may be affecting business trends in that particular environment? Make it your mission to find out.
Be Inkandescent: Excellent! Thank you so much for your time, Jennie.
At just 81 years young, Rita Moreno remains one of the busiest stars in show business. Her first book, “Rita Moreno: A Memoir,” came out in March, and she recently starred in the premier of “Life Without Make-Up,” an original play about her life. She also appears regularly as Fran Drescher’s mother in TVLand’s “Happily Divorced.”
In addition, Moreno frequently travels for concerts and lectures. Such creative diversity has been the hallmark of her nearly 70-year career.
Moreno belongs to an elite group of only eight living performers who have won the grand slam of the entertainment industry’s most prestigious awards: The Oscar, The Emmy, The Tony, and The Grammy.
Her Oscar win came in 1962 as Latina spitfire Anita in the film version of “West Side Story,” for which she also won The Golden Globe. The Tony was for her 1975 comedic triumph as Googie Gomez in Broadway’s “The Ritz.” The Grammy was for her 1972 performance on “The Electric Company Album,” based on the long-running children’s television series. She won not one, but two Emmys—the first for a 1977 variety appearance on “The Muppet Show” and the following year for a dramatic turn on “The Rockford Files.”
Over the decades, she has collected dozens of other show business awards, including a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1995. A favorite of Chicago audiences and critics, Moreno received that city’s coveted Joseph Jefferson Award in 1968 as Serafina in “The Rose Tatoo” and in 1985 was awarded the prestigious Sara Siddons Award for her hilarious portrayal of Olive Madison in the female version of “The Odd Couple.”
Be Inkandescent: Thank you for being here today, Rita. Let’s start off by talking about your new memoir.
Rita Moreno: It’s about my life, from when I was born in Puerto Rico to right now. It’s more a memoir than an autobiography because thing’s aren’t told in chronological order, as they would be in an autobiography. I really wanted to avoid, “Then I said …, then I wrote …, then this happened to me.” I wanted it to be very personal, which I believe it is.
Be Inkandescent: And it’s quite funny.
Rita Moreno: Thank you! That was the goal. It covers a Hollywood that no longer exists—a Hollywood filled with racial bias. But in ways that were subtle, at least to a 17-year-old girl, until I fully got it. It took a long time to get it. And it does have some delicious anecdotes—the Anna Miller story, and I’m just going to say it that way, is really hilarious. There’s also the Jack Nicholson story, when we did a film called “Carnal Knowledge,” which is pretty funny.
Be Inkandescent: There are also some very sad parts.
Rita Moreno: While writing the book, I spent a great deal of time crying. A lot of wounds that I felt were healed turned out to have a very thin scab on them. That was terrific because I exorcised all kinds of things. I forgave my mother, which was very, very important.
It’s not that she did such terrible things, it’s that there were things I just couldn’t get out of my mind. And I think probably the most profound thing I said in the Q&A today at the Professional BusinessWomen of California Conference was: “Don’t hang on to resentments.”
And boy, I have plenty that I can think about, you know, just with the racial bias issue alone. And it’s really good advice that I gave, and I hope people took me seriously when I said that. People live with a lot of anger. All of us. And writing the memoir was a marvelous way to kind of ameliorate some of that, or soften it, or say, “Oh, for God’s sake, get off it! Now look around you, look at your grandchildren. What do you want, you selfish little Puerto Rican?” And the selfish little Puerto Rican answered, “I want everything!”
Be Inkandescent: Last night you addressed a core group of conference attendees and talked about when you were a little girl, how your mom couldn’t say her vowels. That told us a lot about your childhood and your relationship with your mom. Tell that story.
Rita Moreno: My mom had a great battle with vowels. Every fourth Saturday we would change the sheets in the apartment. And she’d say, “Rosita! Today is Saturday, you know what that means? It’s time to change the shits.” And things like, “Going swimming at the ‘bitch.’” And lots of others that were really obscene, that I can’t tell you! Oh, my God, my poor brother. Let me put it this way, my brother was going to Le Cont junior high. You follow my lead? She would say the name of the school and poor Dennis would say, “Mom, why don’t you just say ‘junior high’?” But she wouldn’t because she was so proud of it, “Oh, he goes to ‘blah blah Junior High.” It’s funny coming out of a very, very innocent woman.
Be Inkandescent: Did your upbringing feed your dream of being an actress and a dancer?
Rita Moreno: I knew that I wanted to perform. And I did perform for my grandpa when I was very young. And very soon after I arrived in New York City, a friend of my mother’s, who was a Spanish dancer, saw me bopping around the apartment and said, “You know, I think Rosita has talent, would you let me take her to my dancing teacher?” That was a man named Paco Cancino, who as it turned out, was actress Rita Hayworth’s uncle. Her name originally was Margarita Cancino, and that’s how it started. I mean I was what, 5! A baby!
Be Inkandescent: And then what? How did that process progress?
Rita Moreno: I took more lessons, including ballet. I began to audition for things, I did a lot of radio for a while. Somehow I always ended up being the girl who would say, “But I’m telling you! I saw that Lady in the grotto, and she wore a blue veil!” “Get that child out of here, she’s mad.” [Laughs] We have a Maria hour. I was always playing the little girl who saw visions, and they always thought she was insane. [Laughs]
Be Inkandescent: Was it weird to be a kid and an actress, or was it perfectly natural?
Rita Moreno: To me, it was like waking up in the morning. In Puerto Rico, I was dancing professionally, except I didn’t call it a job at the time. It wasn’t a profession, it was just something I liked to do. And my grandpa just loved to see me, and I was a really cute little girl. If you look at the back cover of the book, there’s a picture I adore of me with a huge bow on my head, holding my skirt way up, wearing a dress that my mother made for me.
I look at myself then and I think, “Isn’t that the cutest little girl!” You know, big brown eyes. I have a baby picture that I adore; I actually kiss it now and then. Such innocence, such purity, oh man, I adore children. They’re pure, they’re pure, and it’s horrifying to see what we do to children. It’s horrifying. It’s abusive. Fernando, my daughter’s name is Fernando Luisa, I say to her all the time and she gets so embarrassed, “You were my last good egg!”
Be Inkandescent: How old were you when you had her?
Rita Moreno: I was 33. And that was considered old! A couple of years later, people started getting pregnant at 37, 38, and 40! That would have been really creepy at the time. But people just started to say, “To hell with it! I’ll get pregnant. I feel fine, I feel healthy,” and it was fine.
Be Inkandescent: Do you have grandchildren?
Rita Moreno: I have two boys who are my air and my light in my life. My daughter is my soul.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us about “West Side Story.” That was one of your classic performances and has lived on for generations. How did you get the part?
Rita Moreno: I had already worked with Jerome Robbins on “The King and I,” and for those who don’t know his name, he was a genius choreographer who eventually also co-directed “West Side Story” with Robert Wise. But I auditioned like everybody else; I auditioned for the singing, I auditioned for the dancing, I auditioned for the candy store scene where the boys abused her.
And I’m still auditioning. When I went to see about playing Fran Drescher’s mother, I had to audition. And I hate it, because I’m not good at auditions. But this was funny, and it was a very New York thing, and that came very naturally, because I had many Jewish friends from New York who came either from Brooklyn or the Bronx. So that was an easy audition; none before or since then has been easy.
Be Inkandescent: What was your favorite performance?
Rita Moreno: Well, my favorite performance really wasn’t on film. It was playing Norma Desmond, in “Sunset Boulevard” in London. And one other, in San Francisco, playing Maria Callas in “Master Class.” That was extraordinary.
The characters were written in such a rich way, and the fun of playing Maria Callas, as well as Norma Desmond for that matter, is that you are free to really ham it up. And that can be a trap.
It’s s easy to go too far. You can drag out all those syllables, and fall in love with yourself, you know, and your accent! There are all kinds of acting traps, all kinds, and I really pride myself on pulling back, having the control to do that. That’s a very big part of my technique, you could say, and I see myself overdoing some nights, and I get embarrassed, I really get embarrassed, and I go to the dressing room and say “Don’t do that! It’s shameful!”
Be Inkandescent: What was your favorite film?
Rita Moreno: I had a very tiny part in it, but “Singing in the Rain” was just incredible. I love that movie. And of course “West Side Story,” it gave me the opportunity of a lifetime, it brought me back to dance. At the time that I auditioned for “West Side Story,” I hadn’t danced in about 10 years. I hadn’t moved a muscle. I was about 25. Old enough. And those dances were like being asked to play three sets of tennis, one after the other. The stuff is very difficult. Great, gorgeous.
Be Inkandescent: Were you friends with the cast, did you stay friends with Natalie Wood?
Rita Moreno: Oh, sure. Well, Natalie no, but Natalie was cool. She wasn’t rude, she wasn’t standoffish, but I think she felt uncomfortable. She felt as if—and she was right—that she was out of her element.
Don’t you think so, when you saw the movie? I think the cast was dying to become friendly with her, and she didn’t know enough to invite everybody over to her house one Sunday, you know, “Come on, go to the pool, swim, have some hotdogs and beer, get drunk, whatever.” That’s all she had to do, they were dying to be acknowledged by her. But she just didn’t know any better, truly.
Be Inkandescent: Are you friendly with Fran Drescher?
Rita Moreno: Oh, God, yes. She’s just terrific. I’m waiting to hear if we’re going to be picked up for that, it’s been a very long wait, so I am a little concerned that maybe we won’t be picked up. There’s no business like show business.
Be Inkandescent: And you just got back from a big trip to Budapest where you filmed a movie with Gena Rowlands.
Rita Moreno: I’ve always loved her, and it was an absolute pleasure to be with her. Cheyenne Jackson’s in it, too. It is based on a play called “Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks,” and it’s a play that everybody does, including directors in Budapest! It’s been running there for about 60 years. Isn’t that crazy?
Rita Moreno: I think it’s because of the way we’re brought up. I don’t think it’s complicated and I don’t think it’s that subtle. Of course as a Latina, inevitably I was brought up to be a nice girl, a good girl, and my mother let me know on no uncertain terms, without in any way meaning to sound cruel, that if I weren’t a little girl, she would take her love away. She didn’t put it that way, but I understood what it meant.
It’s very difficult to get over that. I didn’t have anything like all those wonderful programs that exist nowadays for young people, particularly innercity young people. Who knows what I might have accomplished, if I had been one of those children.
Be Inkandescent: Like what?
Rita Moreno: Like not having to wait for almost 40 years to do “West Side Story.” That’s what I mean. You know, I admit it, I envy Jennifer Lopez, who got in there, and did all that wonderful stuff. You know, good for her, but I am envious of that access. She doesn’t have to talk with an accent. If anything, she talks with kind of a Bronxier, Brooklyn-y accent, and it doesn’t matter, and she’s Latina. And her name is Jennifer Lopez. So it’s very different.
The door is ajar. It’s not wide open, and it’s heavy, and you have to push hard, but it’s ajar. And that I can play Fran Drescher’s Jewish mother from the Bronx, you know, is just fabulous, but it took me until 80 to do this! That’s when I get envious. There are so many things I would have loved to have done, or at least auditioned for. I couldn’t even audition for things, really. “Oh, you mean Rita Moreno? No, she’s Hispanic. She’s Spanish.” So I didn’t have a chance! You really have to make your own way, you have to persevere, and it’s very, very hard to persevere when you feel that you don’t have value, and I really felt that way for too many years.
Be Inkandescent: But you kept on.
Rita Moreno: There was something that drove me, it’s true. Isn’t that interesting? Something in me, I say it in the book. I just knew that I had talent and that some way, somehow, somebody would see it. And it was Jerry Roberts, really, who was maybe the meanest man in the world.
Be Inkandescent: But he saw talent. And clearly, you have it. So what’s next for you?
Rita Moreno: I’m going to go back to doing some concerts and cabaret, which I really love. And I’m hoping that the series comes back, I really do. I had a great time, more than that, it gave me a kind of recognition that you just can’t get anywhere else. Television, it’s astonishing.
It’s amazing how when I would go on talk shows to talk about the book, there was a huge bump up of sales. It’s just astonishing. TV is very, very powerful. You know, I hope to do some more TV, films if I can get them. I’d love to do more films if I can. But you know, Shirley MacLaine has a hard time, so what do you think it’s like for me? Right? Right.
But I can tell you this, I will always be working because I love it. I mean I can see them wheeling me in a gurney, or on roller skates, and having the leading man say, “Can you get that old broad off the stage? I’m gonna kill her!”
Be Inkandescent: What do you hope your legacy will be?
Rita Moreno: That I persevered. I really think that’s what it’s all about. Perseverance. You have to find a way, even when you don’t believe in yourself, to believe in yourself. Don’t even ask me how that’s done, it just happened.
Be Inkandescent: We are very glad you did, and we hope all of our readers and listeners will take your sage advice to heart. To get your copy of “Rita Moreno: A Memoir,” click here. And be sure to listen to our podcast interview with Moreno on the Inkandescent Radio Network.
Sparked by the overwhelming response to a Women’s Day for San Mateo County Women event, which Speier led, she incorporated the Professional & BusinessWomen’s Conference as a nonprofit organization.
In the last 24 years, the board of directors has evolved from its initial membership of long-term volunteers from the public sector to its present composition of corporate executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders from both the public and private sectors.
In 1998, the organization announced its new name, Professional BusinessWomen of California. This step acknowledged the far-reaching success of the organization’s efforts and its commitment to increasing the awareness and influence of PBWC throughout the state.
Today, PBWC is one of the largest women’s organization in California, boasting a diverse community of more than 25,000 remarkable individuals.
In this podcast interview we talked to Speier about:
Be Inkandescent: Hello Congresswoman Speier. Tell us what inspired you to create the Professional BusinessWomen of California.
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: I was on the board of supervisors back in the early 80s, and I had just done a program called Women’s Day, targeting women who were reentering the workforce, and it was so successful that I thought, well, why not do it for professional and businesswomen.
It was literally designed around a coffee table in a friend’s home. It had all of the earmarks of a start-up, and now it has grown into a nonprofit, with women professionals who give their hearts and souls to this effort every year. It’s more than a conference; it’s a program that provides services to 30,000 women in 50 countries.
There are webinar and regional meetings, and it is a great opportunity for honing skills, professional development, networking, collaboration, and it was important in 1989 and it’s important today. Women are incredibly powerful when they come together, and I am pleased as a mother of an organization to see it blossom the way it has. It’s because of all the women who came after me who have grown this organization.
Be Inkandescent: Today Facebook’s CEO Sheryl Sandberg spoke, talking about leaning in and inspiring women. What are your thoughts about leaning in, and how has it changed from the time you started this organization almost 25 years ago, to today?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: As much as I want to say things improved, and they have, we have not made colossal progress. The number of [women] CEOs in this country represents still about three percent, women who serve on boards of directors are 16 percent, the number of women serving in Congress is less than 20 percent. Go to Iraq today, and 25 percent of their legislative bodies are populated with women.
Be Inkandescent: Why is that so important?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: When you have women at the table, whether it’s the boardroom or the House of Representatives, the work that is done is different. The bringing together of thoughts, the inclusion, the focus—it is just broader, no pun intended, and more collaborative.
So, gun violence is a huge issue in this country right now. I’m convinced that the more women we have in public office, the more courage we’re going to have to create some sanity in this issue. Of the 23 wealthiest countries in the world, 80 percent of gun deaths occur in the United States. Now you could talk about that issue, you could talk about all issues that have merit in our society, and until we have more women engaged in bringing those kinds of changes we are not going to make the kinds of strides that we need to make. This is as important today as it was back in 1989.
Be Inkandescent: What is underneath this issue, why do women not stand up, why don’t they run for office? We know what the stats show us, but what is your perception?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: Part of it is the XX chromosome—the expectation that I have to work so much harder to be qualified enough to be a CEO, run for Congress; it isn’t a thought that even crosses the mind of a man, and that’s why I say we’ve got to retrain ourselves. When a woman is assertive, she is seen as a “B,” and when a man is assertive he is seen as a star. Those are just stereotypes that we have got to change, and it’s going to be better for this country and this society. What we do know is that women who are CEOs, women who are in venture capital, they’re all more successful, the businesses are more successful, there’s more net profit to the bottom line, and that is something that we have to have the confidence in moving forward.
Be Inkandescent: What would you tell women who won’t stand up?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: I always tell women, no one is going to tap you on the shoulder and say, “Run for office”; you have got to feel it in your gut, and then you have got to go for it. If you are passionate about an issue and want to represent that kind of thinking, and you want to run for office, then you just do it, and people will rally around you because they want authentic people. They want authentic people leading this country; they want authentic people leading our companies.
Be Inkandescent: What gave you the courage to run for Congress?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: I first ran for Congress in 1979, and I had just come back from Guyana where I had been shot five times. The congressman I had been working for, Leo Ryan, was killed, and I decided to run for his unexpired term, but I came in late to the election cycle because I had been recovering for two months in the hospital. I decided one morning that I didn’t want to be a victim any longer; I wanted to be a survivor, and so I ran because I wanted to continue his legacy but I also ran because it was therapeutic. I wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself; I wanted to move on with my life.
Be Inkandescent: Was that the first time you ran? And what inspired you to take the plunge?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: That was the first time I ran, and I lost, and I love to tell people this is what a three-time loser looks like. I lost running for student body president in high school; I lost the first time I ran for Congress. It took me 29 years before I ran for Congress again, and I ran for Lieutenant Governor in 2006 and lost, so we can’t be afraid to fail. That’s really important; I have a paperweight on my desk that reads, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” There would be many more things that we would do, challenges that we would attempt, and it’s that fear of failure that somehow and sometimes keeps us from really reaching the goals we want.
Be Inkandescent: What is ahead for you, and what is ahead for your organization?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier:PBWC is run by a powerful group of women, and I kind of advise them now when they want it and help them raise money when they need to.
But for the most part it is their vision now, which is the way it should be. I think that PBWC has expanded to be a safe haven for women to come, learn, develop professionally, and seek other women out to find ways to collaborate. It’s something that clearly has value. Women value this opportunity and they’ll come up to me at the end of the day and say, “You know what, this conference just changed my life!“And that’s what it should be doing.
Be Inkandescent: What’s ahead for you?
Congresswoman Jackie Speier: I don’t know what’s ahead for me. I’m serving in the House of Representatives, and will continue to do that for a while. I just want to continue to be relevant, continue to be in a position where I can change people’s lives. Right now I’m working on the issue of gun violence prevention, and I’m working on military rape, and I’m working on an effort to allow states to collect Internet sales tax because small businesses are hurting, because they’re competing with Internet companies that aren’t collecting sales tax. Those are the issues I’m working on right now, and I will certainly see them through to conclusion.
Be Inkandescent: Excellent! It’s a pleasure to have met you, and this is truly a wonderful conference. Thank you so much.
The wildest thing happened to Tara Sheahan when she was 35.
Trained as an elite athlete in cross-country skiing, she found her dream job as a VP in sports marketing and television. She left the corporate world to become “Super Mom,” and raised two young boys with husband Casey, CEO and president of the outdoor clothing and gear company Patagonia.
Then she contracted Lyme disease. Losing the ability to walk, think, or function without pain, she searched for that “magic pill” to cure herself, and discovered true healing through an understanding of the body/mind connection.
She spent the next 15 years becoming an expert in the “art of inner listening,” using meditation and mindfulness practices to understand how thoughts influence health, well-being, and success. Sheahan recovered from chronic illness to nearly qualify for the 2006 Winter Olympic Games, at the age of 45.
Through immersions, workshops, private coaching, and mentoring, Sheahan has introduced and taught mindfulness at eBay, The Aspen Institute, the World Caring Conference, New York’s “Peaceweek,” and with corporate clients and impact leaders across the world.
Today, Sheahan is rocking the world—one soul at a time.
As the founder of Conscious Global Leadership, she has created an organization whose mission is to support leadership development through mindfulness training and emotional intelligence.
“CGL’s curriculum is results-oriented, and designed for personal and business growth,” says Sheahan, whom we met at the 2013 Conscious Capitalism Conference.
“It won’t take long before everyone is a little more conscious,” insists this dynamo, who is doing everything she can to ignite global social harmony by strengthening the character and consciousness of leaders across all fields. “We aim to share best ‘inner’ practices and how to mentor others for heart-centered living and leadership.”
“Leaders have an extraordinary ripple affect,” insists Sheahan. “We have the power to inspire greatness at home and in our workplace, by first inspiring it within ourselves. This can only occur through inner awareness of thoughts and beliefs that drive us every day. They can be fear-based or love-based.”
“Right now, for example—what thoughts are driving you?” she asks.
Be Inkandescent: First, tell us what brought you to the Conscious Capitalism Conference in April, where we had the good fortune to meet you.
Tara Sheahan: The conference is linked to the work we are doing at Conscious Global Leadership, and I am thrilled to be here because it’s inspiring to listen to so many conscious leaders who are presenting talks about how they became conscious leaders in their organizations. What is also inspiring me is that there are many women that are in leadership positions—we just don’t seem to see them much, or they don’t believe that they are leaders—but many are here.
I try to “full-body listen” when I come to something like this, because I’m not running an organization like a company—I run a leadership organization. And if I full-body listen to everybody who comes my way, it’s not just the people on the stage who are teaching and inspiring me—it’s mostly people in the audience and the questions that they’re asking. When I do this, I find ways to be a more conscious leader—and a happier person in general.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us about your life, your passion for being a mom, and what it’s like to be married to the president of Patagonia.
Tara Sheahan: For years, Casey told me, “I want to work for Patagonia.” So when he got the offer and it became official in 2006, it was a dream come true.
We were living in Colorado and our kids didn’t want to move to California, and so he actually began commuting because he honored family first.
Interestingly, my life didn’t change that much. But people kept thinking that it had to, and that I had to change. It’s funny when you suddenly say your husband’s the CEO of Patagonia, people for some reason think they have to act differently around me—like maybe I am wearing a crown or something. I’m still the same silly old person I always have been.
And Casey is such a humble, gentle, kind CEO and leader. So it has been an honor to learn from him, as well as the founder of Patagonia, Yvon Chouinard, who has created a global organization that I truly believe is one of the most conscious companies on earth.
Be Inkandescent: That came across during Casey’s keynote speech on the first day of the Conscious Capitalism Conference when he talked about Patagonia’s supply chain, values, and dedication to human rights for all of the people the company touches—from factory workers overseas to customers. How has your relationship been impacted by him running this giant company?
Tara Sheahan: There’s a great story we love to share about Patagonia and my relationship with Casey that actually played out into how he runs the company every day. As we discussed, I became chronically ill in my mid 30s. I actually say it was a transformation, because illness can be a pathway to reaching our highest potential, especially if we look at why we got sick.
I realized that for me, my illness was a lot about self-image.
In my case, it started when I got bitten by a tick. And I think I got bitten so that I could understand that I wasn’t just my self-image as Tara über-athlete, Tara the great cook, Tara the super mom. When I lost the ability to really do much of those things that I thought were giving me love—I had to rethink everything.
Be Inkandescent: Talk more about what you mean.
Tara Sheahan: Well, so many of us have developed identities and behaviors around how we think we’re going to get love. We have an illusion that if we’re an über-athlete, to-die-for cook, the perfect mom, or the head of a giant company, people will love us more.
We all now know that love is an inside job—and that’s what my journey was, to discover that if I loved who I was, I didn’t need to be all those things. And my kids really didn’t care so much about me being perfect. They just wanted a playmate and somebody who was there with that feeling of love.
What affected Casey most, though, was when I went to India for three weeks. I learned a lot about mindfulness at an organization in India called Oneness University. Many of our teachers from the program are also at One World Academy, and these are two really powerful organizations that help you discover the nature of the mind and the condition. It’s not different than what Deepak Choprah and Oprah are now teaching us through their online meditations, in fact.
So when I began to see my mind in action, and how exhausting it was to uphold an image of myself, I was blown away. Amazingly, I became really happy, and laughed all the time at myself. When I got home, I began to share it with Casey; he was really jealous and kept saying, “What are you doing? Why are you so happy? And why do you keep laughing?”
I told him that I started committing myself to this mindful practice every day, and it helps me get more joy.
Be Inkandescent: Casey credits you, and the knowledge you shared, with helping Patagonia survive the Great Recession of 2008 with flying colors.
Tara Sheahan: It’s true. So it was December 2008, and Casey came home and he said he feared he had to lay off all these people. I asked him one simple question. It was based on what I had learned in India—in essence it boils down to the fact that most people are operating in the back of our brains where our fear centers are located. This is the oldest part of who we are, our reptilian selves. Granted, we have evolved and many of us can access the love centers of ourselves, which lies in our hearts.
So I asked him, “Are you operating in love or fear?” I knew that he could make a better decision if it from a place of love, but it was up to him.
Immediately, he knew the difference and realized his decision to let employees go—people he considered family—was a mistake.
He said, “This is coming from fear.” So I asked him what his decision would be if he came from a place of love, and before he could utter a word, I saw him transform his thinking. He said, “They are our family, and we need to treat them like as such. How could you ever get rid of part of your family?”
Suddenly, he had all these ideas on how he could make changes externally to save funds during that financially trying time. Three weeks after he made that decision, Patagonia’s sales went through the roof. Ever since they’ve been more profitable each year, they’re growing and growing and they’ve had the five most prosperous years they’ve ever had. I feel that it was Casey realizing that making decisions in love and connection, and seeing us as one human family, can change our world—in business, and in life. So that’s how I have been involved in a lot of the things we’re doing here at Conscious Capitalism.
Be Inkandescent: Casey just walked in, welcome. Tell us about this truly amazing woman. She clearly has inspired you in so many ways.
Casey Sheahan: She is one of the happiest individuals I know, and sometimes that’s a little annoying. I look at her and go, “She’s one step removed from being that crazy bag lady out in the street.” But beautiful Tara really helped me because I wanted some of what she was having, and so she encouraged me to begin my own process of personal awareness by taking a trip to India and Fiji and back to India to meet with some of the greatest teachers in the world.
The lessons, the values, some of the practices they gave us were really transformative and powerful. If I hadn’t done it, I’d probably still be in a life of cocktail parties and camping trips and hockey games with the boys—and it would have been fine. But life has become so much more fulfilling, and so much more dimensional now.
Within the work I do at Patagonia and in our lives together, it’s much richer than it was before, and I’ve got great gratitude for Tara for kicking my butt a little bit and saying you need to go do this work; if you don’t, we’re going to just have a kind of normal relationship, and there can be so much more. So that was pretty exciting, for us to see that and go through that together.
Be Inkandescent: How has the work you have both done strengthened your relationship?
Tara Sheahan: When you realize that you don’t see the best in yourself, you also realize that is how you are looking at the world. If you tell yourself, “I’m not good enough,” this lack of worth permeates all of your relationships. But when you begin to say, “I am enough, and I’m beautiful, and I embrace all of my habits that make me me, you realize you don’t need to be anybody else. And then you begin to see that in your partner, and others in your life, too. You also begin to see the best in humanity.
Casey Sheahan: I drive a pickup truck, and I like to go camping and fly fishing and backpacking, and I take my trash to the dump. That’s my meditation—and I also meditate quietly. And I realize that no matter what I do, there will always be some level of suffering because about a hundred thousand thoughts come into our brains every 8-12 hours. There’s nothing you can do about it, and so when people say, “Just empty your mind,” I think that if you empty your mind you’d be dead. You’d be a flat line on the meters. So the key is to take all the thoughts that you have and harness them—to be a better dad, a better mom and leader, a better head of an organization.
The key is to lose your suffering, because when you’re in suffering, your reactive brain gets going. You act from a place of defensiveness, and you’re not centered, you’re not balanced, you’re not calm. That’s when you do bad stuff. So why not take yourself to a place of awareness and calmness? If you do, you begin to make your decisions out of that kind of mindset, as opposed to just saying, “Oh, that’s annoying, that person is pissing me off, I don’t like what the competition is doing. Let’s attack.”
When you stop yourself from diving into the fight-or-flight response, and realize there is an easier and more enjoyable way to live life that doesn’t allow you to bring in the stories you are telling about your suffering, life is different. And honestly, when you boil them down, most of what we believe is true are just stories.
Be Inkandescent: And that has allowed you both to be really successful in the impact that you have on other people?
Casey Sheahan: Well, we’re comfortable with who we are, and when you’re comfortable within yourself, you’re comfortable around other people. You connect.
Tara Sheahan: And if you watch the mind in action, you see and observe it from a different point of view, and it becomes really funny because we’re so terrified of one another. We’re terrified of upholding a self-image. But it all changes if we sit there and say: “I am what I am, there are so many magical things that have been put into the me, I’m original, I don’t need to be somebody other than who I am and I’m so comfortable with myself.”
Then, you make every person that you meet that day feel okay with who they are. It’s so precious because you can change how they feel about themselves just by sitting next to them and feeling love.
And this is just the beginning!
Click here to listen to our podcast interview withTara Sheahan.
Acadia means secret love, aloe means grief, basil indicates hate, and mistletoe says: I surmount all obstacles. Give a lover a planter of lavender and you are saying that you don’t trust them. However, a bouquet of jasmine says it is attachment you desire.
That’s but a pinch of what you’ll learn about the meaning of flowers in Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s breakout novel, “The Language of Flowers,” the tragic coming-of-age tale of orphan Victoria Jones, a child whose emotional scars are exacerbated by the foster care system that can’t find a way to help her.
From page 1 of the first section, “Common Thistle,” it’s easy to see why Victoria’s saga has inspired romantics, enchanted book clubs, and galvanized a legion of people who are determined to help teens newly emancipated from foster care at 18.
“Like Victoria, who ended up living in the woods after she left the system, these teens often have few resources, little support, and limited prospects for a happy future,” explains Diffenbaugh, who was 23 when she got a taste of the troubles plaguing foster kids.
She and PK, her then-boyfriend (now husband) had been mentoring kids whose mom was a drug addict. Eventually the state put them into foster care, where they were split up. Two were sent to live with a family that didn’t speak English.
“It taught us a lot about was wrong with the system, and what we wanted to someday fix,” she says.
After the couple was married, and their first daughter was 6 months old, they turned desire into action and adopted Tre’von, 15, from the school where PK was teaching. He moved in on Valentine’s Day 2007, and that week Diffenbaugh learned she was pregnant. Soon after, they adopted another teen.
It was during that time that “The Language of Flowers” began to take root. It took six months to write the story of the misunderstood orphan who uses the meaning of flowers as a tool to communicate.
“I have always loved the language of flowers,” says Diffenbaugh, who at 15 discovered Kate Greenaway’s textbook, “Language of Flowers,” based on the Victorian-era science of floriography. “When I dreamed up Victoria, it seemed only logical that a young woman who had trouble connecting with others would communicate through a forgotten language that no one understands.”
Diffenbaugh’s book also points a spotlight on the difficulty of raising strong, healthy children in the relationship she pens between Victoria and her 32nd foster mother, Elizabeth—the woman who teaches her the language of flowers.
“Our standards for motherhood are so high that many of us harbor intense, secret guilt for every harsh word we speak to our children, every negative thought that enters our minds,” Diffenbaugh admits. “The pressure is so powerful that many of us never speak aloud of our challenges.”
Diffenbaugh hopes to bring those secrets to the surface.
“It is my belief that we could prevent much child abuse and neglect if we, as a society, recognized the intense challenge of motherhood and offered more support for mothers who desperately want to love and care for their children.”
Diffenbaugh also hopes to make an impact on the millions of foster children who are aging out of the system through the CamilliaNetwork.org, a nonprofit she co-founded with her college friend from Stanford, Iris Dallis Keigwin, formerly a VP at the world’s leading advertising and PR firms.
“Camellia Network is named after this flower to emphasize our belief in the interconnectedness of humanity,” Diffenbaugh shares. “It’s a reminder that the success or failure of these young people is directly tied to our own.”
Hawthorn (which means Hope) Katz Gibbs is a journalist, publicist, and entrepreneur who founded The Inkandescent Group LLC in 2008 to promote, educate, and inspire entrepreneurs. In addition to publishing Be Inkandescent magazine, Gibbs hosts a radio show on Inkandescent Radio, and in her spare time she has launched a speakers bureau, Inkandescent Speakers, and a networking site: Inkandescent Networking. Newly armed with Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s dictionary of flower meanings, available at the end of “The Language of Flowers,” loved ones, clients, and colleagues can expect to receive meaningful bouquets. This article was originally printed in the March 2013 issue of The Costco Connection.
In 2001, nine days after September 11, I immigrated to the US after a medical emergency with my newborn son, who suffered a brain stroke two days after he was born.
My husband, a former Peace Corps Volunteer in Romania, and I had no plans to come to the United States, but this medical situation changed everything for us. We were told that our son might never speak, hear, see, or be able to walk. We came to America like many immigrants, with hope and faith that what we would find here would save our son’s life.
We arrived in the United States during a very difficult time for everyone in this country, myself and our family included. I didn’t speak English at that time, and I can’t express how challenging everything was. My son needed my full attention and care, as did my 8-year-old daughter. Once a week, every week for a year, we went to Children’s Hospital for Physical Therapy. Day by day I prayed that my son would get better and stronger.
During my first months in the United States, struggling to understand the culture, learn English, and find a job, while taking care of my son, I realized how difficult it was for immigrants, especially for women who left a professional career behind, to integrate, to retain their sense of worth, to have a sense of belonging and provide for their families.
Before immigrating to the United States, I had already worked my way up the journalism ladder to be an award-winning broadcast journalist. But at the age of 22, I was banned from journalism for speaking my mind and standing up for the poor and the orphans in my country. Undeterred, I started a nonprofit organization, which initiated, advocated for, and helped pass Romania’s first Domestic Violence law. I had accomplished much at a young age, yet without English language skills and a network of support, these experiences seemed worthless in this country.
After enrolling in an English language class, things began to change for me. I met a large community of highly talented and educated women, many of them artists, writers, anthropologists, published authors—all in one ESL class at Montgomery College.
I started to talk to the women. Despite their education, talents, and skills, many of these women were paid $5 an hour doing menial jobs. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it. When I heard their stories and what brought them to the United States, I realized I was not the only one feeling lost and dis-empowered. And I was not going to give up on re-becoming myself. With my identity shattered and no sense of belonging, I went on to seek meaning in my new life.
My vision was to create a community of women for women, who can help one another succeed; a place where women support each other, and where others can hear the stories these women tell. A place where the American Dream lives on, and everyone feels welcome and at home.
I realized that when women told their stories, people listened. There was empathy. There was compassion. There was understanding. Many of the women I’ve met did not speak English well or at all, but they used paintings and music to tell stories. People responded to this media and I believed there was a viable business opportunity for these women to sell their artwork, products, and crafts if they could obtain the right skills.
Empowered Women International (EWI) came to life in May 2002.
Our mission is to help immigrant, refugee, and low-income women integrate into the community, rebuild their lives, families, and livelihoods, and pursue the American Dream using the power of the arts as a means for communication, cultural understanding, and entrepreneurship.
Ten years later, what started out as a network of immigrants, women artists, and a few business classes has blossomed into an organization that trains more than 200 immigrants, refugees, and low-income women in business and leadership skills every year. It also launches socially responsible micro-businesses that support women and their families, as well as our local economy.
On a personal note: I am pleased to report that today my son is a healthy and talented 11 years old. My daughter is a Posse Scholar and a freshman at Sewanee, the University of the South in Tennessee. And my husband, who pursued a career in micro-finance after Peace Corps, currently works for ShoreBank International in Washington, DC.
About Empowered Women International
Our passion is entrepreneurship, and our clients deserve a chance.
Women come to EWI from all walks of life. They face tremendous hardships, from isolation to domestic abuse to unemployment and underemployment—59 percent are immigrant or refugee; 66 percent are low-income, making less than $30,000 a year; 77 percent are considered at-risk; 62 percent are heads of households, and 24 percent are single mothers. They all deserve a chance.
Our approach is unique.
EWI is the only organization in the region that uses the power of the arts, entrepreneurship, women’s voices, and their cultural heritage to empower women and transform their lives. We use innovative means to combat poverty and prejudice, and to enact sustainable, systemic social change. We help women integrate into the community and recognize their contribution to the fabric of our society.
Our holistic model creates jobs.
The organization delivers a holistic model of empowerment through entrepreneurship training, business mentoring, and community service that builds women’s confidence, business, and leadership skills. Our comprehensive three-month training program, Entrepreneur Training for Success (ETS)—coupled with a year-long mentoring program, marketing support, and civic engagement—help entrepreneur graduates create pathways to self-sufficiency and citizenship.
After participating in the ETS program:
Unemployment among their clients decreased by 34 percent
57 percent saw their children enroll in college or a specialized school
70 percent consider themselves to be a better role model to their children and family
83 percent have donated money or goods to charitable organizations
90 percent of our clients have volunteered in the community.
Self-esteem for most increased dramatically
Ready to get involved? For more information, visit Empowered Women International at ewint.org.
Internationally renowned artist Clarice Smith is described by critics as enigmatic and prolific. Her portraits, florals, landscapes, and still-lifes are painted with convincing reality.
For decades, collectors around the world have gobbled up her artwork after attending her numerous solo exhibitions throughout the United States, Europe, and Israel.
Artist Clarice Smith is also the wife of developer and philanthropist Robert H. Smith, whose father founded Charles E. Smith Co. in 1946. Robert and his brother-in-law, Robert P. Kogod, took over the company in 1967. Under their tutelage, it grew to become one of the largest commercial and residential landlords in the Washington, D.C., area, managing 24 million square feet of office space and more than 30,000 residential units.
The Smiths gave generously to the University of Maryland, College Park, which was Robert Smith’s alma mater. The Robert H. Smith School of Business at the University of Maryland, College Park, was named in his honor in 1998 to recognize his gift of $15 million, the largest gift the school had ever received. The Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center, completed in 2001, is named for his wife, Clarice.
Being an artist has always been a driving force in Clarice Smith’s life. She added author to her list of credentials when she joined forces with her son, writer and publisher David Bruce Smith.
Among the many books they have written is their first project, “Afternoon Tea with Mom,” a book of 33 of her paintings that David compiled and gave to Clarice for her birthday in 1988; “Three Miles from Providence,” a tale about Abraham Lincoln and the Soldiers’ Home; and “Tennessee,” a limited edition, four-color letterpress three-volume collection that contains the first publication of Tennessee Williams’ newly discovered play, “These Are the Stairs You Got to Watch.”
And most recently, they wrote their first children’s book: “American Hero: John Marshall, Chief Justice of the United States,” which hits bookstores in March 2013.
So it was a pleasure to sit down with David and Clarice and celebrate their collaboration in our February 2013 Power Couples issue of Be Inkandescent magazine. We wanted to find out how this mother-and-son team work together, and what advice they have for other parent-child teams.
Be Inkandescent: What inspired you to become an artist, Clarice?
Clarice Smith: I have always been an artist. That was my main interest growing up, and I have always drawn. As early as the 1st grade, if somebody needed a picture of the Easter Bunny, I would raise my hand and say, “I can do that!”
After high school, I went on to Maryland University to take art courses—and then I got married and had a baby, so I only had two years of college. When my three children were growing up, I decided it was time to get my art degree. I enrolled in the Corcoran Art School, and after a few weeks I started complaining about the lack of formal instruction. It was very artsy there, and I used to joke that if I wanted to spray spaghetti, I could do that at home with my kids.
That’s when I started exploring other options, and thanks to a reciprocal program that the Corcoran had with The George Washington University, which was down the street, I found a class called Methods and Materials. It was exactly what I wanted. In fact, the head of the GW Art Department at that time had been one of my favorite instructors at Maryland University, so I knew I was in the right place. I ended up graduating from GW with my master’s degree, and then went on to teach portrait painting there for years.
Be Inkandescent: You have also had a lot of success showing and selling your work. Tell us a little bit about that accomplishment.
Clarice Smith: My paintings have been in galleries and shows in Paris, Israel, London, Zurich, and so many other cities. In fact, I was at an event at the National Gallery of Art here in Washington, D.C., a couple of months ago, and a man was visiting from Zurich. He has an extensive Old Masters collection, and he mentioned to the curator that he has one of my paintings, too—and that it is actually one of his favorite. That is nice to hear. He was a collector of Old Masters and he liked mine.
Be Inkandescent: Do you know which one it was?
Clarice Smith: Yes it was a patio scene from Italy overlooking a racecourse. The balcony is filled with turn-of-the-century furniture. There are no people in the scene, just the furniture, and the sun was casting a lovely light on the scene. Everything is calm and peaceful, and very nice.
Be Inkandescent: What inspires your art?
Clarice Smith: Painting is my life, and my paintings are a reflection of what I see, what I’m exposed to. I don’t paint sad pictures because I’d be making myself miserable while doing it. I think one of my saddest works was a painting of a cemetery in Prague—but it’s not actually sad looking. Rather, there is something romantic about it, filled with beautiful willows.
Be Inkandescent: David, how did you and your mother start working together?
David Bruce Smith: It was 25 years ago, and humorously, my mother wasn’t even aware of our first collaboration. I put together what I told her to be an album of 33 paintings of hers that I liked the best. We sat together and went through each painting, and I asked her, “How did you feel when you were painting that? Why?” Then, when she saw the collection again, it was a book.
Clarice Smith: It was a real surprise, and it increased my popularity right here in the Washington area because every mother I knew was so jealous that her child didn’t think about doing this for her.
Be Inkandescent: What came next?
David Bruce Smith: The next book was “Continuum,” which was our first artist book for National Museum for Women in the Arts. My mother had done a series of Venetian paintings, and I wrote the text to accompany them. Then she did a lithograph, an original lithograph, so the book could be sold at a higher price. The binding is perhaps the most interesting part of the book, because it was marbleized leather—something that hadn’t been done on a book in about 1,000 years.
Clarice Smith: I wanted that kind of leather because I wanted a sensuous-feeling cover, and there is a lot of water and reflection in the Venetian pictures. I wanted that to sort of carry over to the cover. The bookbinders did a fabulous job. They continue to be bestsellers at The National Museum of Women in the Arts.
*Be Inkandescent: You have also created a book for the Shakespeare Theatre Company, right?
David Bruce Smith: Right. That was “Tennessee,” and it was ready for the Kennedy Center’s performance of the revival of Tennessee Williams. They were putting on something called “Five by Tenn,” and in conjunction with that, we did a book that included three of this plays, “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” “The Glass Menagerie,” and “These Are the Stairs You Got to Watch,” which had never been published before.
Michael Kahn, who was the artistic director and a friend of Tennessee Williams, had a copy of the play and gave it to us. With those plays, there were three graphite and watercolor drawings, which were bound, and then there were three others that weren’t bound. It turned out to be a great book, and a few in the limited edition are still available.
Be Inkandescent: What’s it like to work together? Is there any friction between you? Do you have old stuff come up or is it just smooth?
David Bruce Smith: It is just good chemistry.
Clarice Smith: Except on the last book—but the problem wasn’t between us. Initially it was to be a children’s book for 4th graders, but then the publisher changed the approach and wanted it to be geared to 1st graders after David wrote a beautiful text, and I did 30 illustrations. Well, that is a different kind of writing. There is a formula and there are rules that you have to abide by when you are writing for young, young children like that. So David had to simplify everything, which meant that there were fewer sentences on a page. And that meant that there were 20 more drawings to do. I got pretty annoyed with that.
Be Inkandescent: Why did you choose to write a book about Justice John Marshall?
David Bruce Smith: We were actually commissioned to do it by The John Marshall Foundation. They approached me first, and my only request was that I work with my mother, which was fine for them, especially since they knew her work. It will be available on March 1 and we’re eager to see the finished product.
Be Inkandescent: David, you are a publisher in your own right, as the owner of David Bruce Smith Productions. Tell us about your production company, and what’s on the horizon.
David Bruce Smith: I’d love to work on more children’s books like this one, as well as books that are similar to Three Miles From Providence, which is about Abraham Lincoln.
Clarice Smith: We both like creating historical books because the facts and the people that come into it are real, so it’s fun to get involved with telling the story.
David Bruce Smith: I also like matching the cover to the time period. For instance, the book on Lincoln is bound in leather, like a pouch. I wanted something that would look masculine, and something that a Civil War soldier would carry. Actually, the soldiers did carry these pouches with “US” stamped on them. There was a strand to keep it shut, and that’s what our book has.
Be Inkandescent: For other parent-child couples who want to work together, what advice do each of you have for how to do it well?
David Bruce Smith: For us, it was a series of fortunate events. It wasn’t planned, we simply embraced opportunities as they occurred.
Clarice Smith: I think, too, that when you do find ways to work together that it’s important to listen to what each other has to say, and not be so closed in on your own ideas.
Be Inkandescent: Have you found in any instances when that was really important?
Clarice Smith: With the drawings in our last book. That took a lot of patience on both our parts.
Be Inkandescent: Do you have another topic in mind for a future book?
David Bruce Smith: If the children’s book is a hit, we’d like to create a series of books about other American heroes, most of whom were John Marshall’s friends, such as John Adams, Patrick Henry, John Hancock, and James Monroe. That whole cadre was his gang.
Be Inkandescent: One last question about our February 2013 Truly Amazing Woman of the Month. This one is for David. Tell us what makes your mom truly amazing.
David Bruce Smith: I’ve told her many times that she is the Meryl Streep of artists. The reason is that each of her works is memorable, distinct, and seamlessly great. If you look at one of her compositions, be it a scene on a balcony or two women in a restaurant, the painting is so inviting that it makes you want to be in that place. The art lures you into whatever is happening.
Be Inkandescent: Clarice, what is it about your son that you think is amazing?
Clarice Smith: Well, I am overwhelmed after hearing what he says about me. David is an honorable, smart, good looking, fine citizen. He is also very talented, and very smart. He has good taste, and I’m very proud of the way he is leading his life. It is a lot of fun to work with him.
Be Inkandescent: You are definitely a power couple, and we appreciate your taking the time to talk with us.
Jewish Literature Live is a popular class at the George Washington University, and the brainchild of world-renowned author Faye Moskowitz (pictured above)—and DC entrepreneur David Bruce Smith (pictured below), a GW alumni who is the author of 11 books and the former editor of Crystal City Magazine.
What inspired the two writers to create a class for Moskowitz’s students at GWU, where she teaches and is a former chairman of the English Department?
To find out, we sat down with Smith and Moskowitz at Smith’s offices in downtown DC to learn more about the high-profile authors who have educated and entertained students through “Jewish Literature Live,” as well as Smith’s and Moskowitz’s writing careers, and their plans for future collaboration.
First, a little about Truly Amazing Woman, author, and professor Faye Moskowitz.
Professor Moskowitz teaches Creative Writing and Jewish American Literature. She was chair of the English Department for eight years, and director of Creative Writing at GW, where she received the GW Award in Special Recognition for Contributions to University Life.
She served as president of the Jenny McKean Moore Fund for Writers from 1975-1999. For many years, she was the fiction editor of Lilith magazine.
Moskowitz’s writing draws heavily on her life experiences growing up during the Depression and her Jewishness in a largely Christian society.
Her publications include: “Her Face in the Mirror: Jewish Women on Mothers and Daughters”; “And the Bridge Is Love;” “Whoever Finds This: I Love You” and “A Leak in the Heart.” Her most recent book is, “Peace in the House.”
She is represented in dozens of anthologies, and in addition, her poems, essays, and short stories have been published in such places as The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chronicle of Higher Education, Moment Magazine, and the Jerusalem Post.
Inside Jewish Literature Live
Since January 2009, Smith has funded a course in the Department of English at GW—his alma mater—on contemporary Jewish American works of literature. Called Jewish Literature Live, this unique class allows students to study Jewish literature and interact with the prominent Jewish American authors who wrote the books.
Moskowitz teaches the course and is also our “Truly Amazing Woman of the Month in the January 2013 issue of Be Inkandescent magazine.
Be Inkandescent: David Bruce Smith and I have known each other for nearly 20 years. I wrote for him when he was the editor of Crystal City Magazine and I was a freelance writer. Faye, you were 35 when you began your undergraduate studies. Give us the back story on that.
Faye Moskowitz: Well, the back story is that when my husband and I and our four children moved to Washington in 1962, we brought my mother-in-law with us; she lived with us for many years. I think because I married right out of high school and had never had a chance to go to college I went when I was 35 because, God bless my mother-in-law, it was a way to get out of the house when my youngest child was in kindergarten.
Be Inkandescent: You haven’t always been a writer, is that correct?
Faye Moskowitz: No, I became a writer in my last year as an undergrad at GW when I took a course that I thought was called, The American Short Story. However, it wasn’t The American Short Story; it was a creative writing course. And, I will tell you that when people go back to school when they are 35, they have to get A’s because they can’t let those young undergrads, their fellow students, do better then they do. So I said, “No, I’m not taking this class because I don’t know anything about creative writing.” But the professor, Louis Schaffer, was so intriguing, and I said to myself, “Take a chance for once in your life.” So I did. I stayed in the class and Louis convinced me that I was indeed a writer. In fact, I began publishing quite soon after that course.
Faye Moskowitz: “A Leak in the Heart” was my first book, and as many first books do, it touched on what was, for me, a singular moment that occurred when I was around 11. That’s when I discovered that I had had a baby sister who died of a leak in the heart around the time I was born.
Be Inkandescent: Does the title refer to her illness?
Faye Moskowitz: Actually, it refers to these little pieces that were emanations from my heart. You see, during the Depression, my family moved from the Jewish ghetto of Detroit to Jackson, Michigan, a little town of about 65,000. We were among 35 Jewish families there and that is where I learned to be Jewish, because when we lived in Detroit in the ghetto, you thought about what you were. You were what you were. It was only when I moved out of my element that I understood what being Jewish meant. So yes, a great deal of my early pieces talk about being a stranger in a strange land.
Be Inkandescent: David, did Faye’s experience make you want to co-create Jewish Literature Live with her?
David Bruce Smith: Actually, the idea actually came to us a few years ago when Jeffery Jerome Cohen, who had been chairman of the GW English Department, took me to lunch and mentioned that the Jewish literature program was on the cutting block. I didn’t want it to be axed, and I knew that Faye was in the department—and I had been a fan of her work. So together we made a plan. Faye created the course, making sure that the element of “live” was critical, because we wanted famous Jewish authors to come in and talk to the students. Today, I believe it is the only course of its kind in the country, and what makes it so unique is that it is not just about having the students read great works of literature. They also get to ask the authors questions, and learn about what inspires them, and what their books are about from the insider’s point of view.
Be Inkandescent: Who has come in to lecture so far?
David Bruce Smith: Erica Jong, Neil Doctorow, and perhaps my favorite, Bel Kaufman, who wrote, “Up the Down Staircase.” She is 101 and she is the granddaughter of Sholem Aleichem, whose stories inspired “Fiddler on the Roof.” Seeing her speak six months ago at the age of 101 with no notes, no nothing. It was quite amazing.
Be Inkandescent: What has surprised you both about the series?
Faye Moskowitz: I was thinking about this recently, and I would say the biggest surprise was the students’ receptivity to Erica Jong—because the students were absolutely knocked out by her. Jong’s bestseller, “Fear of Flying,” was published so many years ago, and still it is relevant.
I have to agree with David, too, that Bel Kaufman was a knockout. The students worshiped her. I have never seen anything quite like it. At 101, she was perfectly made up, from her hair to her high heels. The students loved “Up the Down Staircase,” and it encouraged many kids to open up about their experiences in high school. Their parents who are high school teachers still experience the kinds of things that Bel Kaufman talked about in that book. What struck me about those two lectures in particular is that here are two women from other generations, and the students responded beautifully to both.
David Bruce Smith: I also want to note that Bel Kaufman said something unforgettable. She told us that her grandfather, Sholem Aleichem, died when she was 6 years old. That is 95 years ago. Then she looked at the audience and told us, “I’m the only person on the Earth who remembers what it is like to be touched by Sholem Aleichem.” That is a piece of history that is really striking.
Be Inkandescent: Can anyone come to the sessions, or is it just for GW students?
Faye Moskowitz: The course is just for the students, but I always have four or five adult auditors, and anyone can come. We also host an event prior to the lecture that is open to the public. That is getting to be an increasingly popular opportunity for Washingtonians to meet these incredible authors.
Be Inkandescent: Does the class mostly attract Jewish students?
David Bruce Smith: That’s a great question because we suspected that might be the case when we started the program.
Faye Moskowitz: That’s right. But in fact, the class has attracted a wide array of students from all kinds of backgrounds, including Asian Americans, African Americans, and Muslims, as well as a range of underclassmen, from seniors to freshman. I am also proud to report that we tend to book up on the first day of registration. I am working to find a larger classroom so more students can participate!
Be Inkandescent: Who is coming to speak this year?
Faye Moskowitz: We are excited that our lineup this year is as impressive as in years past. On our syllabus is Lisa Zeidner, author of “Love Bomb”; Jami Attenberg, who wrote “The Middlesteins”; and Bruce Jay Friedman, who wrote “A Mother’s Kisses.” He is in his 80s, and I’m looking forward to seeing how the students react to his book and his lecture. A big celebrity, Tony Kushner, will also be on campus, and our finale will be with Nathan Englander, who will talk about Anne Frank.
Be Inkandescent: That is quite the line-up! How does Jewish literature differ from other literature? What are the undertones?
Faye Moskowitz: That is a question that we explore all semester long, starting with a discussion about, “What does it mean to be Jewish in America?” There is no way to talk about Jewish literature unless we talk about that question first—and every semester we have come up with a different answer. I always try to include a novel, or short story collection, by an immigrant to the United States. I try to include something from the Orthodox community, the Ultra Orthodox community, and unfortunately that means it will be someone who has left the community, because only then will she be able to write about it. Often the works are about Jewish families, many permutations of literature. What makes a novel Jewish, that’s the question that we talk about.
Be Inkandescent: David, you and your mother, Clarice Smith, are also Jewish and have written books of your own. Tell us a little bit about that.
David Bruce Smith: My mother has been my collaborator for 20 years. Most of the books we have done have been limited-edition books, including a book we did for DC’s Shakespeare Theatre on Tennessee Williams. It coincided with a Williams’ revival. Then we did a book on Abraham Lincoln that coincided with the “re-inauguration” of Lincoln’s Cottage in 2008. And we have a children’s book coming out in 2013 about Chief Justice John Marshall.
Be Inkandescent: I also want to add that your grandfather, Charles E. Smith, built a real estate empire here in DC, and you wrote about his life and your relationship with him in the book you penned, “Conversations with Papa Charlie.”
David Bruce Smith: I wrote that book after he died—mostly to cope with the grief of losing him. And he and I collaborated on three books prior to his death, including, “Building My Life,” which was his autobiography. We also published a collection of his speeches called, “Building the Community,” and another book called, “Letters to My Children.”
Be Inkandescent: Did he want to record his life?
David Bruce Smith: At first that was the goal. But with each succeeding book, he found that they just made him happy. By the time we did the last book, he was 93. He was deteriorating, and he was getting depressed. The books helped. And for his 90th birthday, we created a film about his life.
Be Inkandescent: He was very successful, and clearly is quite well-known. You obviously had a wonderful relationship with him.
David Bruce Smith: He was quite a guy. In fact, he was very ahead of his time—a true visionary. He believed in things that businessmen were not supposed to believe in those days, like signs from God or messages from God or dreams. A lot of the major decisions he made were based on his dreams—including creating the Jewish Community Complex in Rockville, which no one believed could happen. But he proved them wrong.
Be Inkandescent: And your dad, Robert H. Smith, founded the University of Maryland’s business school. We were sorry to hear of his passing. Tell us more about him.
David Bruce Smith: My father was what he would call a “Grateful American.” He believed that we live in this wonderful democracy that the Founding Fathers were responsible for achieving, so he and my mother became very involved in Mount Vernon, Monticello, Montpelier, James Madison’s home, Benjamin Franklin’s home in London, and Lincoln’s Cottage, which I mentioned earlier. Though Lincoln was not a Founding Father, he was the one who preserved the Union. Had it not been for him, we probably would have been four countries instead of one. My father also felt that history was not being taught well in school and he wanted to change that. So he dedicated the last 15 years to 22 causes. Not all historical, and many were Jewish. He dedicated the last of his life to the community, much the same way that my grandfather did.
Be Inkandescent: You come from quite a legacy, and now you are creating books that live on—as do the books that you bring to GW students through Jewish Literature Live. Have you two known each other for a long time?
Faye Moskowitz: It seems like we have known each other for ages, but it has only been a few years. We both want to have a continuing voice for Jewish American Literature in the English Department, and that’s what I believe attracted David the most to this project. For me, it has been a capstone after many years of teaching. I can’t be more grateful to David for sponsoring the program. There are a lot of lucky students at GW.
Be Inkandescent: It sounds like it. Are you working on any more books right now?
Faye Moskowitz: I am working on several shorter pieces. As my time gets shorter, the pieces get shorter, but I am fortunate enough to have a 20-year-old book of mine be reissued just this past October when The Feminist Press reissued “And the Bridge Is Love.” I think I am having a little renaissance!
Peruse David Bruce Smith’s newest children’s book and learn more about his collection at davidbrucesmith.com.
Be on the lookout for more Truly Amazing Women!
March 2013 is our Women in Power issue, so be sure to tune in for our upcoming interview with David Bruce Smith, and his illustrator mother and collaborator, Clarice Smith, in March 2013.
Ditto for our interview with Moskowitz’s daughter, Shoshana Grove, Vice President of the powerful organization, Executive Women in Government.
“I don’t know how Adriana Trigiani goes into her family’s attic and emerges with these amazing stories, I’m just happy she does,” says bestselling author Kathryn Stockett of Trigiani’s newest release, “The Shoemaker’s Wife.” “If you are meeting her for the first time, get ready for a lifelong love affair.”
That endorsement from the author of “The Help” is typical of the buzz around Trigiani’s epic tale of Ciro Lazzari and Enza Ravanelli—the fictional characters who depict the real lives of her grandparents and their sweeping, international love affair.
The story begins in the Italian Alps in 1905, and takes readers through New York City in the 1920s, the white-capped lakes of northern Minnesota, and both World Wars.
For fans who have been following Trigiani’s award-winning work for years, this ambitious story is a departure from her first novel; the 2000 hit “Big Stone Gap.”
In that story, this sassy Italian American with a big sense of humor introduced readers to the equally audacious Ave Maria Mulligan—who, like Trigiani, who grew up in a hamlet nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The twist in this tale is that Mulligan, the trusted pharmacist who has been keeping the townsfolk’s secrets for years, discovers a skeleton in her own family’s closet, and it blows the lid right off her quiet, uneventful life.
That bestseller did the same for Trigiani — although her life to that point had been anything but uneventful.
Throughout the 1980s and ’90s, the woman who dreamt of becoming a playwright gained acclaim instead as an award-winning writer for such TV mega-hits as “The Cosby Show,” and “A Different World.” She was also the executive producer/head writer for the “CityKids” series, for Jim Henson Productions; and her Lifetime television special, “Growing up Funny,” garnered an Emmy nomination for Lily Tomlin.
“Those years shaped me as a writer as I learned from the masters, and made a nice living,” shares Trigiani who, during that period met her husband Tim Stephenson, the Emmy-winning lighting designer of “The Late Show with David Letterman.”
After tying the knot, and deciding it was time to start a family, Trigiani began her writing career.
“The Shoemakers Wife” was always in the back of her mind, but sat dormant as she published 12 other books.
“I would return to this story in between the work on my other novels and noodle with it,” she explains. “There are many scraps of paper, including dinner napkins and the backs of old bills with a long line drawn across as I fiddled with the timeline. There are old notebooks filled with my grandmother’s musings that I wrote down as far back as 1985.”
When her fans began telling her at book signings and through email that they wanted something more grandiose in scope than “Lucia, Lucia,” and “Brava, Valentine,” Trigiani knew it was time to finally finish the story that she considered her grandparents’ “dance with fate.”
“This is one of those stories that had so many near misses against the landscape of world events that it’s a wonder they got together at all,” the author insists, crediting a team of summer interns and her favorite librarians with helping her get the historic details just right. “The story had to feel fresh, progressive, and airy. I wanted my reader to have the experience I had when stories were told to me by my grandmother, the woman who lived them.”
Indeed, it’s hard not to get absorbed in the saga that unfolds on 475 pages. And without giving away too much of the poignant ending, this deep, profound romance ends with great loss.
“In the book, I tried to take the pain and make something beautiful from it, because often in life that’s all you can do,” Trigiani concludes. “Moving through the pain is what gives us wisdom—and unfortunately, we can’t have that without walking through that fire.”
Want to see Trigian’s favorite recipes? Many appear in her novels, including Cousin Dee of BIGCHERRY HOLLER’s Peanut-Butter Balls, Chocolate Coca-Cola Cake from MILKGLASSMOON, Our Lady of (Drown Your) Sorrows Consolation Cake from ROCOCO, BIGSTONE GAP’S Hope Meade’s Mints, Mama’s Wedding Cookies from THEQUEEN OF THEBIGTIME, and Viola Perin’s Fish Brodetto from LUCIA, LUCIA. Click here to learn how to make these delicious dishes.
When it comes to defining what it means to be aTruly Amazing Woman, sometimes it’s the work a woman does—from running a multimillion-dollar business, and founding a philanthropic organization, to being a bestselling author or an internationally renowned artist.
Sometimes it’s just who she is, what she has overcome, and the fact that she is willing and able to share those life lessons with the rest of us.
When it comes to Karen Hanrahan, it’s a powerful combination of all of the above.
We met Deputy Assistant Secretary of Human Rights and Democracy Karen Hanrahan in 2008—before she had this top job in the Obama administration at the US Department of State.
At the time, she was a senior advisor to the Iraqi minister of human rights.
And soon after, she became the director and COO of the Quadrennial Diplomacy and Development Review, where she led a comprehensive project for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to redefine how the US government practices international development and diplomacy.
These positions are but many high-level jobs she has held in her illustrious career, which began after graduating with a Political Science and Journalism degree at Indiana University in 1992. While in college, she took the first steps along her path to work internationally when she spent a year abroad in Morocco, studying at the King Fahd Arabic Language School in Tangier, and the School of International Training in Rabat.
Hanrahan then got her MA in International Politics at American University in 1995; and in 2000 finished her Law degree—with honors and at the top 5 percent of her class—at the University of Washington School of Law in Seattle. While there, she was the Law Review editor and a research assistant for Professor Joan Fitzpatrick, a federal public defender who has written habeas corpus petitions for indefinitely detained immigrants, and an assistant mediator at the US Court of Appeals.
If that’s not impressive enough, Hanrahan capped her education with a degree from the Advanced Management Program at Harvard Business School in 2008.
It is our privilege to interview Hanrahan, who recently added a new title to her resume: Mom! She and her husband, Dean, a truly amazing man in his own right, are the proud parents to Jordan, now almost 2. Scroll down for our Q&A.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us a little bit about your background, the jobs you have held, as well as your education.
Karen Hanrahan: I started out knowing at a relatively young age that I wanted to work on international justice issues. My mother was very socially aware, especially of international events. So I’ve known at least since high school that I wanted to do international human rights and justice work.
I feel extremely fortunate that I have had the opportunities that I have had to get to do that kind of work. I followed that path as soon as I could.
I worked at nongovernmental organizations like Amnesty International, Search for Common Ground, and the United Nations doing international human-rights work in places like Afghanistan, the West Bank, and Gaza and other usually very unstable countries. Sometimes in the midst of conflict and sometimes coming out of conflict.
At some point along the way, I think I realized that I was more of an advocate than I was a peacemaker. I know that those are not always mutually exclusive, but I decided to go to law school very much because the experience I had working in the West Bank and Gaza heightened my sense of what I was meant to do in this world, and that was to advocate for the right of people who were being oppressed or abused.
Basically I just followed my instincts—including working for the government, working for USCID, and for the State Department in Iraq, as well as the United Nations in Afghanistan. I have also worked for private companies that integrated human rights in the security sector form efforts in countries in Africa and elsewhere. All of that put me on a path to where I am right now.
Be Inkandescent: Talk a little about your previous work. What were you doing when we met in 2008, and what have you done since you took this top job in the Obama administration?
Karen Hanrahan: I worked with the United Nations in Afghanistan as a protection officer, which meant that I did a lot of human rights monitoring, training, and capacity building for local government officials.
I did a study on women and girls in remote areas of Western Afghanistan where I met very young child brides, usually 8 or 9 years old. I found myself sometimes in very unusual situations, such as having to stand in front of a room of mullahs, Afghan religious leaders, “training” them on human-rights issues.
I put the word “training” in quotes because that was required for them to get any food assistance or any assistance from the UN. Although the intention is right and correct, most of what I was talking about, even though it was tailored to them, wasn’t always useful for their reality.
At the time, a lot of the Afghan families I interacted with were verging on starvation because there was a drought. Some of them would have one meal a day. It was just a very difficult and challenging situation.
On the bright side, a lot of committed people were in Afghanistan working to protect the rights of those around them. There were a lot of displaced people in refugee camps or displaced people camps. So I worked in those camps, and with local staff, helping them learn how they can protect people.
Be Inkandescent: Did those experiences change your worldview, and your personal view of yourself? How does it contrast with what you see here in the United States?
Karen Hanrahan: The work that I have done—in Iraq and Afghanistan and the rest of the Middle East and parts of Africa—has had a huge impact on me. It has shaped me as a person.
You can’t go to those places and engage with the people that I have without being deeply affected. I speak to child soldiers, I speak to displaced people, I work to help build the capacity or entrepreneurial women who want to start their own NGOs to help other women.
The negative side, that people are facing circumstances that are hard, as well as some of the more uplifting scenarios, those all have a direct impact on me.
Working with Palestinians, for example, after years and years of conflict and injustice on both sides of this conflict, I found the amount of hope that still existed at the time, many years ago, inspiring. As was the commitment that people had to continue to function in productive ways and for the average Palestinian to want to make peace.
To look at some of the women and girls who have led incredibly hard lives, some of whom have faced torture and sexual violence. To see them bounce back and see them become entrepreneurs and leaders in their communities, those are all deeply profound experiences that have affected me very much.
Be Inkandescent: It is wonderful what you’re doing. Tell us a little bit about your background. You graduated from Indiana University in 1992 with a degree in Political Science and Journalism, and you went to school and spent time abroad in Morocco and studied Arabic. So you knew back then that this was definitely what you wanted to do? You wanted to work in the Middle East in human rights?
Karen Hanrahan: Initially I thought I would pursue a career in journalism and work internationally in journalism. After I got my degree in Journalism and Political Science, it dawned on me that I wanted to be more directly engaged and less of a reporter. I wanted to be on the ground and in the field helping to build local capacity and engaging in the issues and trying to influence them rather than just reporting on them.
Be Inkandescent: Is that when you decided to go to law school?
Karen Hanrahan: The reason I decided to go to law school was my sense of what I wanted to do evolved and really truly focused in on international human rights issues, from the law to policies to practice. I realized that I wanted to have a law degree.
A lot of the people I saw around me doing the kind of work that I was interested in, having the most influence, actually had law degrees. When I went to law school, there weren’t so many paths to do international, public human rights Rule of Law type of work. Now there are more opportunities. I went to law school knowing what I wanted to do and kind of carved that path for myself.
Be Inkandescent: Talk a little bit about the human rights field. What is happening on the world stage right now from your point of view?
Karen Hanrahan: No matter what happens in the election, I think the United Nation’s leadership has done a great job under this administration. President Obama and Secretary Clinton have brought the discussion to a new level. In the past, we used to have this debate over security versus human rights.
That is, very much under previous administrations you often saw those issues juxtaposed and in competition. What we have now is a President and Secretary of State who have prioritized human rights and democracy as equally important as security and as critical to both our national security as well as global security.
What we are seeing around the world, all over the world, is popular movement, sometimes violent and sometimes not, that is driven primarily by a fundamental sense of the need for justice. These are populations that have been oppressed, where fundamental freedoms have been restricted for so long that people couldn’t take it anymore.
Sometimes it is discrimination, sometimes it is oppression—being jailed or detained without justification. All sorts of reason fall under the rubric of human rights. It is driving change in the world and we are seeing the impact of that on the world stage. On a broader level, I see a lot of advances in the legal framework and in multilateral institutions like the UN and other organizations.
Be Inkandescent: So you are seeing positive things happening to improve human rights around the world?
Karen Hanrahan: Yes, but one of the trends we see that is concerning is popular movements of unrest that are emerging. We are seeing a crackdown by government on people, organizations, and media where the governments justify their bad behavior by saying, “We are trying to stabilize our country.”
We are also seeing trends around abusive security forces. Some of the military, police, and other armed groups are not necessarily part of the government, and really have no respect for rights at all. They use arms, but they also use rape and other forms of torture and intimidation. That is still a very serious and significant problem that we are facing in a number of regions.
Be Inkandescent: What could happen to change those trends?
Karen Hanrahan: For me, it is about maintaining a historical perspective and thinking about all of this as a larger movement. I think the situation of human rights in the world has improved in the last century—and that is significant.
And, fortunately, it continues to improve. Yes, there are setbacks, but overall I think the bigger picture is a movement forward for both democracy and human rights. It is important that we not let some of the other trends around terrorism and insurgency undermine these advances in human rights and democracy.
If you crack down too hard on the wrong people and cast the net too wide and use inappropriate, abusive tactics, all you’re doing is laying the groundwork for additional instability.
Be Inkandescent: Now let’s talk a little about the last time we interviewed you, for our October 2012 issue on “Can women have it all?” Your thoughts were incredibly relevant. Will you talk a little more about this topic, and if you think women can have it all?
Karen Hanrahan: I do. At the moment, I admit that I have my hand full with this job that I love—and my baby, who is almost 2. But my plate is perhaps not as full as some other women who are single moms and have more children than I do.
I think there are so many perspectives on this topic, because it’s subjective. It is about individual women’s experiences: how they personally handle it. Where they want to head in their lives and where there priorities are at the time.
For me, I have spent most of my life working very, very hard. A year and a half ago, I did have a baby and it did profoundly affect me in all sorts of ways, as those things do. It has helped widen my perspectives. It has helped me want more of a balance in my life.
I don’t yet know what that balance means for me because I really enjoy my work. I like the issues I work on. I feel passionate about them so I find it naturally appealing to be doing work late into the night after I have put my daughter to bed. At the same time, I am making that choice.
I do not get everything finished in a day that I’d like to—such as the laundry, or making dinner from scratch. I do not see friends and family as much as I want. And I know that I have a ways to go to strike that balance for myself. And I know that my career might be in a little bit of an ebb rather than a flow.
And that’s a challenge in the world I work in. Here, the more you are focused and constantly educated, the more you can be the smartest person at the table—and the more indispensable you become. And traditionally, that is the way to hold more senior positions.
But, honestly, I am starting to reconsider that assumption—and I don’t know yet what the answer is yet for me. I’m sorting it all out.
I do see a lot of moms who are trying to maintain a work life. It’s not about a work-life balance. It’s about trying to rise in their jobs as well as perform well and take care of their families and their children, and I see a lot of struggling going on around that. I see women who know that they are sort of putting their career on hold and have made that choice. For me, I’m not quite sure what the implications are.
Be Inkandescent: Last question. What advice do you have for other women who want to pursue a similar career path?
Karen Hanrahan: Well, I think first and foremost, work very hard at being really good at what you do. Know your issues, try to be the smartest person at the table on your issues. I think another piece is always to remember that your interactions with people are going to follow you wherever you go. Your reputation is a huge part of your success, so you should always treat people with kindness and integrity. I know this is a cliché, but follow your heart, stop to listen to yourself, and if you can hear what you really want to do, if you can figure that out and you’re lucky to have clarity on that in terms of the issues you want to work on, then you can make it work. You can do that; it’s a matter of working very hard to make it happen. Those are a few points.
To read more about Karen Hanrahan’s thoughts on “Can Women Have It All?” click here.
Editor’s Note: As the author of the Truly Amazing Women project, it’s always a privilege to promote and honor those who are making strides and changing lives.
So when Danielle Nierenberg (pictured above, left), director of the Worldwatch Institute’s Nourishing the Planet Project published its Top 25, we were thrilled to get permission to run the list in the October issue of Be Inkandescent magazine. Scroll down for more. — Hope Katz Gibbs
The Worldwatch Institute is celebrating the crucial role that women and youth play in ushering in the just and environmentally sustainable future that we’re working hard to bring about.
Even in the 21st century, women own less than 15 percent of the world’s land, earn 17 percent less than men on average, and comprise two-thirds of the world’s 776 million illiterate adults.
Today, Nourishing the Planet features 25 amazing women from all over the globe who have been ongoing sources of inspiration. See those below.
1. Rebecca Adamson, Founder, First Nations Development Institute:www.firstpeoples.org. As a Cherokee, Adamson has worked directly with grassroots tribal communities, and nationally as an advocate of local tribal issues since 1970. She started First Nations Development Institute in 1980 and First Peoples Worldwide in 1997. Her work established a new field of culturally appropriate, values-driven development, which created the first reservation-based microenterprise loan fund in the United States; the first tribal investment model; a national movement for reservation land reform; and legislation that established new standards of accountability regarding federal trust responsibility for Native Americans. She is active in many nonprofits and serves on the board of directors of numerous organizations, including the Josephine Bay Paul and C. Michael Paul Foundation, The Bridgespan Group, and First Voice International.
2. Lorena Aguilar, Global Senior Gender Adviser at the International Union for the Conservation of Nature:www.genderandenvironment.org As the Global senior gender adviser at the International Union for the Conservation of Nature, Aguilar oversees numerous organizations, and coordinates with governments and academic institutions, on topics related to gender, water, environmental health, and community participation. She has more than 25 years of experience in the field of international development. And, she is actively committed to incorporating gender perspectives into the use and conservation of natural resources in Latin America. Aguilar has created and participated in some of the most influential gender networks in the world. She has authored more than 70 publications, and has been the keynote speaker at numerous high-level international conferences.
3. Helen Browning, CEO, The Soil Association:www.soilassociation.org As the chief executive of the United Kingdom’s leading nonprofit working for healthy, humane, and sustainable food, farming, and land use, Browning has a big job. In her spare time, she also operates a 1,350 acre organic farm in Wiltshire, and runs the village pub. Browning is also chair of the Food Ethics Council and has been a valuable member of numerous organizations working to improve the British food and agriculture system, including the Curry Commission on the Future of Farming and Food, the Agriculture and Environment Biotechnology Commission, and the Meat and Livestock Commission.
4. Sue Edwards, Director, Institute for Sustainable Development:www.isd.org.et Edwards is the leader of this Ethiopian organization, which is working to influence governmental policies on education, agriculture, and the environment. Edwards says her mission is to create awareness and promote sustainable development. She has lived in Ethiopia for more than 40 years, and both she and her husband, Tewolde Berhan Gebre Egziabher, are passionate about the role that smallholder farmers can play in creating a sustainable future for all living things, from the greatest to the smallest, from the most appealing to the most appalling.
5. Kari Hamerschlag, Senior Food and Agriculture Analyst, Environmental Working Group:www.ewg.org Hamerschlag’s work focuses on food and agriculture policy for local, healthy, organic, and sustainable options. She started her career 20 years ago as an organizer, researcher, and advocate for socially and environmentally sound development policy, mostly focused in Latin America. The agriculture branch of the EWG is best known for its extensive farm subsidy database and its voice for strong environmental health standards within agricultural policy.
6. Stephanie Hanson, Director of Policy and Outreach, One Acre Fund:www.oneacrefund.org From 2006 to 2009, Hanson covered economic and political development in Africa and Latin America for CFR.org, the website of the Council on Foreign Relations. In 2008, she won a News and Documentary Emmy for “Crisis Guide: Darfur,” an interactive media guide that explores the history and context of the crisis in the Darfur region of Sudan.
7. Kelly Hauser, Agriculture Policy Manager at ONE:www.one.org Focusing on agriculture, nutrition, and US food-aid reform, Hauser has been integral in developing the Thrive campaign, as well as ONE’s agriculture-related policy positions, strategic partnerships, and the online Agriculture Griot Program. She joined ONE from Oxfam America, where she researched and wrote about agriculture, food security, climate change, and humanitarian-related issues.
8. Nany Karanja, Professor in Soil Ecology, University of Nairobi:www.uonbi.ac.ke From 2005 to 2009, Karanja was the sub-Saharan Africa regional coordinator for Urban Harvest, an initiative to enhance urban agriculture’s potential and food security in Kenya. She has led a number of studies on nutrient harvesting from urban organic waste, the re-use of urban wastewater for vegetable production, and the assessment of health risks associated with urban livestock systems.
9. Elizabeth Katushabe, Program Officer, Pastoral and Environmental Network in the Horn of Africa (PENHA):www.penhanetwork.org An international NGO led and inspired by Africans, PENHA is committed to addressing issues of pastoralist concerns from a regional perspective. Katushabe has held meetings and workshops with Parliamentary leaders and pastoralists in East Africa, attempting to bridge the gap between policymakers and rural communities. Katushabe has also worked with PENHA to emphasize the role that herders can play in protecting the environment, by employing practices such as rotational grazing.
10. Frances Kissling, Senior Advisor, Women Deliver:www.womendeliver.org Instrumental in planning the program for the Women Deliver 2013 conference, Kissling is a scholar and activist in the fields of religion, reproduction, and women’s rights. She was president of Catholics for a Free Choice from 1982 until 2007, and is now a visiting scholar at the Center for Bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania. Kissling was a 2007–2008 Fellow of the Radcliffe Institute Fellowship Program, part of the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study at Harvard University. She regularly contributes to The Nation and The Huffington Post.
11. Anna Lappé, co-founder, Small Planet Institute:http://www.takeabite.cc After leading this nonprofit organization dedicated to furthering democracy and equitable development worldwide, Lappé co-authored “Diet for a Hot Planet: The Climate Crisis at the End of Your Fork and What You Can Do About It.” She is also a founding principal of the Small Planet Fund, and has for more than a decade been a key force in the growing international movement for sustainability and justice in the food chain.
12. Diana Lee-Smith, founder, Mazingira Institute:www.mazinst.org, As the head of this independent research and development organization based in Nairobi, Kenya, Lee-Smith carried out the first survey of urban agriculture in Kenya in 1985. She has more than 20 years of experience in research, policy, and advocacy work on urban poverty, gender, development, and environment issues. And, Lee-Smith has written extensively on gender and urban agriculture. She holds a doctorate in Architecture and Development Studies and was recently a visiting professor at the University of Toronto’s Dalla Lana School of Public Health.
13. Shirley “Baglady” Lewis, founder, Baglady Productions:www.bagladyproductions.org Lewis’ organization works with schools, individuals, and the government to put sustainable behavior into action. Her work includes writing for newspapers in the United Kingdom and Australia, magazines and in-house journals, news radio reporting, and presenting for the BBC and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. She is best-known for her original campaign to say “no” to plastic bags.
14. Tess Mateo, former Director, Office of the CEO at PricewaterhouseCoopers, and the strategic advisor to the Joint US China Collaboration on Clean Energy:www.pwc.com Mateo also launched a real estate group, technology company, and innovative specialty clothing line. She is currently a member of the New York chapter of The International Federation of Business and Professional Women. Mateo was a panelist at the Innovative Collaborations Driving Inclusive Sustainable Growth event at the UN Conference on Sustainable Development, or Rio+20, this past June.
15. Kathleen Merrigan, Deputy Secretary, US Department of Agriculture:www.usda.gov Working alongside Secretary Tom Vilsack, Merrigan oversees the day-to-day operation of USDA’s many programs and spearheads the US$149 billion budget process. She serves on the President’s Management Council, working with other Cabinet deputies to improve accountability and performance across the federal government. Merrigan spoke at the Worldwatch Institute’s State of the World 2011 Symposium in DC.
16. Anuradha Mittal, Founder and Executive Director, Oakland Institute:www.oaklandinstitute.org An internationally renowned expert on trade, development, human rights, and agricultural issues, Mittal is the recipient of several prestigious awards. Most notably, she was named the Most Valuable Thinker in 2008 by Nation magazine. She also has authored and edited numerous books and reports, and published articles and opinion pieces in widely circulated newspapers including the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Bangkok Post, Houston Chronicle, and The Nation. Mittal has also addressed Congress, the United Nations, and given several hundred keynote addresses, including invitational events from governments and universities, and has been interviewed on CNN, BBC World, CBC, ABC, Al-Jazeera, NPR, and Voice of America.
17. Rema Nanavaty, General Secretary, Self-Employed Women’s Association (SEWA):www.sewa.org Nanavaty founded SEWA, the largest union of informal-sector workers in India, in 1972, and the organization now has 1.3 million members—including small farmers, forest workers, salt farmers, artisans, and entrepreneurs. SEWA helps its members get fair prices for their produce, access markets and small loans, and grow enough food to feed themselves and their families. SEWA also provides micro-credit loans through its own women’s bank and insurance policies, while women can learn about new farming practices and improve their reading and writing skills at its training centers.
18. Sunita Narain, Director General, Centre for Science and Environment:www.cseindia.org A New Delhi-based public interest, research, and advocacy organization, Narain’s organization researches and lobbies for sustainable and equitable development. Narain also heads the Society for Environmental Communications, and publishes the fortnightly science and environment magazine, Down to Earth. Her research has focused on the relationship between the environment and development, and has raised awareness about the vital need for sustainable development.
19. Mariam Gnire Ouattara, Leader, Slow Food Chigata convivium:blogs.worldwatch.org Since 2006, Ouattara has been leading women in the village of N’Ganon, based in the Korhogo region of the Ivory Coast. Her goal is to organize a women’s farming co-operative with the goal of providing quality local food in schools. Determined to provide local produce to children, increase women’s productivity, and prevent corporations from monopolizing the market with low-standard products, Ouattara partnered with Slow Food International to establish the co-op, which produces rice, white beans, groundnuts, and a wide variety of vegetables. Ouattara and other leaders of the co-op have helped other villages, such as Nangounkaha, to replicate the project.
20. Marceline Ouedraogo, president, Burkina Faso’s rural women’s association, Songtaab-Yalgré:www.songtaaba.net The first group in the country to produce and sell certified organic shea butter, Ouedraogo started Songtaab-Yalgré in 1990 by going door to door and woman to woman, asking people to join. Because many of the women who joined the association were illiterate, Ouedraogo developed a program to teach them to read and to write. Today, the association has more than 3,000 women in nearly a dozen villages, and has 11 centers where they collect arechete, or shea butter nuts. All of the profits from the sale of shea butter—and peanut oil, soap, and other products the group is now making—are distributed equally among the members.
21. Carolyn Raffensperger, Executive Director, Science & Environmental Health Network (SEHN):www.sehn.org Raffensperger began working for SEHN in 1994, and specializes in the fundamental changes in law and policy necessary for protecting and restoring public health and the environment. Raffensperger has authored numerous publications, including “Precautionary Tools for Reshaping Environmental Policy” and “Protecting Public Health and the Environment: Implementing the Precautionary Principle,” and has been featured in “Gourmet” magazine, The Utne Reader, Yes! Magazine, the Sun, Whole Earth, and Scientific American. Raffensperger is at the forefront of developing new models for government that depend on the larger ideas of precaution and ecological integrity.
22. Nely Rodriguez, Mother, Farmworker, Key Leader, Coalition of Immokalee Workers (CIW):www.ciw-online.org A community-based farmworkers organization based in the Southern United States, CIW is comprosed of more than 4,000 mostly Latino, Haitian, and Mayan Indian members working mainly in agriculture throughout the state of Florida. Rodriguez has been a vital part of organizing and inspiring her community to speak out against injustice in the tomato fields. She is also vocal about the hardships and sacrifices women make in the fields to put food on the table for their families while caring for and raising children.
23. Jill Sheffield, Founder, Women Deliver:www.womendeliver.org This global advocacy organization is working to generate political commitment and financial investment for fulfilling Millennium Development Goal number five—to reduce maternal mortality and achieve universal access to reproductive health. Sheffield has served as a commissioner to support the efforts of the UN Secretary General’s Global Strategy for Women’s and Children’s Health. She is also the founder of Family Care International, a distinguished nongovernmental organization and winner of the 2008 United Nations Population Award for outstanding work in sexual and reproductive health and rights.
24. Vandana Shiva, Director, Navdanya and the Research Foundation for Science, Technology, and Ecology:www.foodfirst.org A physicist, environmentalist, feminist, writer, and science policy advocate, Shiva has helped to organize more 65 community seed banks across India. She and her organization have also trained 500,000 farmers in seed sovereignty, food sovereignty, and sustainable agriculture; and helped develop the largest direct marketing, fair-trade organic network in the country. Shiva is the author of numerous publications, which focus on protecting nature and people’s rights to knowledge, biodiversity, food, and water. In 1993, she received the Right Livelihood Award, also known as the “Alternative Nobel Prize.”
25. Alexandra Spieldoch, Independent Consultant:www.policyinnovations.org Spieldoch has worked both for and with the Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy, the Center for Women’s Global Leadership, and the World Rural Forum. Most recently, she co-directed the Gender, Trade and Development Project at the Center of Concern and coordinated the secretariat for the International Gender and Trade Network in Washington, DC. She has been engaged in the World Trade Organization (WTO) and regional trade advocacy since 1999. She has published research and popular education on trade negotiations at the WTO and in the Americas from a human rights and development perspective. A member of the Alliance for Responsible Trade and active in the Hemispheric Social Alliance, Spieldoch studied at the University of Buenos Aires and lived in many places in France. She received a master’s degree in international policy from the Monterey Institute of International Studies, and her bachelor’s is from Washington University in St. Louis, Mo., with a major in French literature.
In the fall of 2008, Annette Giacomazzi’s then 10-year old daughter, Elli, broke her humerus, the large bone in the upper arm. As a mom, her heart just sank seeing her child burdened with her sixth broken bone. Yes, her sixth.
To cheer her up, Giacomazzi made her a few colorful cast covers and sling sets. Friends and family raved. But, the crafty parent figured that’s what friends are family are supposed to do.
What really gave her pause, though, was when strangers stopped her and Elli on the street and asked, “Where did you get that? I want one for my kid.”
After the third time, bells began going off for Giacomazzi, who had a strong marketing background. She started doing some research into what might be available commercially in the marketplace, and realized colorful covers for casts were a sorely (no pun intended) needed product.
And so, CastCoverZ! was born.
“Our mission is simple: provide fun and functional products that comfort orthopedic patients,” says Giacomazzi, our Truly Amazing Woman of the month. Below is our Q&A with this clever businesswoman, who epitomizes the adage that necessity is the mother of invention.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us about your business background, and what convinced you that you could create a profitable company.
Annette Giacomazzi: I actually have a strong sales and marketing background. But, I got my business savvy from my dad, a small business owner who made his living distributing toys, crafts, and models. Eventually, his clients ended up being giant retailers, including Target. Of the three kids in my family, though, I was the only one with a strong affinity for business. Whenever my father and I had a “Daddy and me” day, I wanted to go to the office.
Be Inkandescent: Do you think entrepreneurs need a background in business to get their business up and running?
Annette Giacomazzi: Not at all. The Internet is a virtual library full of free information. Other than a computer and an Internet connection, you only need time and the knack for asking the right questions.
Also, everyone has people in their lives willing to give solid counsel and resources. If you can’t quickly name four to six people who would be willing and able to help and encourage you, you need to go outside your comfort zone and find a new circle of friends.
Be Inkandescent: Is there something more important to know about running a business than what is taught in MBA school?
Annette Giacomazzi:MBA schools teach theory and formulas. A number of attributes are needed to run a business. You must have a vision and you must take action. Don’t wait for perfection and don’t get imprisoned by fear.
Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” If you can answer that question, a lot of the fear will be removed.
Be Inkandescent: How hard has it been for you to build a successful business?
Annette Giacomazzi: There is a saying that success will cost an entrepreneur twice as much and take three times longer than expected. I think that’s an MBA formula and they were conservative.
Be Inkandescent: What is the greatest lesson you have learned?
Annette Giacomazzi: Ask more questions. Do not surround yourself with people who have the same abilities as you, but do surround yourself only with people who encourage and support you.
Be Inkandescent: What is the biggest mistake that you have made?
Annette Giacomazzi: I went into partnership with a friend who was a lot like me (marketing background, outgoing, friendly, business acumen), and who filled a deficit in my personal life (a connection). I knew I made a mistake in the first month. What I needed was someone with the same mind-set, but a different skill-set.
Be Inkandescent: Would you do it again?
Annette Giacomazzi: A lot of people refer to the service people they contract as vendors. I call them partners. I invest a lot of resources (time and money) in them, so I make it a conscious choice to do business with people I like and people who believe in me and my vision.
For example, my webmaster (love that woman!) understands my obsessive compulsion to please my customers, my SEO/marketing advisors (www.webmarketingtherapy.com) have my back and are helping me achieve total web domination, Tamara Monosoff of www.mominvented.com kept me focused and held me accountable, and my employees and customers give me hundreds of reasons to wake up with a smile every day.
I rely on all my partners, and they guide me to make wise choices and to challenge myself beyond my comfort level. I also have a financial, but silent partner. I would only take on a financial partner who is active in the business if the business were at a certain level. Right now, it’s still too personal. CCZ! exists because of my daughter’s suffering and my vision.
Be Inkandescent: You battled cancer shortly after starting the business. How did that change your perspective on what was important, and how you run the business in general?
Annette Giacomazzi: I circled the wagons. And, I intentionally eliminated everything that was nonessential and increased what was meaningful. That meant no volunteer activities, no business/product line expansion, and no hiring of new employees. My approach then was to simply maintain what I had, take care of my physical health, live in my faith, and support those I love.
Be Inkandescent: What are your goals for the future for your business, and for your life?
Annette Giacomazzi: Values drive my goals. I want to live simply, love deeply, and serve well. I want to be a good steward of all the gifts I have been given. This includes my greatest gifts, my children. I want CCZ! to be a reflection of my values.
Be Inkandescent: What one thing do you want readers to know about your success?
Annette Giacomazzi: You must believe in yourself, your vision, and your promise to your customers. To do that, you have to understand who your customers are and how you can solve their problem with an authentic heart. You also must have something bigger than yourself and your company to believe in.
When Washington, DC author, activist, business leader, and philanthropist Edie Fraser went to an awards dinner and was seated next to TV journalist Robyn Spizman, she had no idea that less than a year later she’d be standing before a room packed with well-wishers at the National Press Club.
“We believe the most important word in our vocabulary is love,” the authors write in the introduction. “We’re talking about the kind of love that opens our hearts to others and expects nothing in return. It inspires us to do kind and caring things even when no one is watching.”
It is that belief that inspired these two truly amazing women to give 66 leaders of some of the country’s most influential nonprofit organizations the opportunity to write about the benefits of giving.
“A magical bumble bee” is what Success in the City founder Cynthia de Lorenzi (pictured) called Fraser at a recent event. She’s also been warmly referred to as a stellar philanthropist, businesswoman, and diversity advocate who has touched thousands of lives in her 40-year career.
As the president, founder, and CEO of Diversity Best Practices, Business Women’s Network, and Best Practices in Corporate Communications—all part of the Public Affairs Group, an iVillage Company—Fraser supports more than 170 organizations, corporations, and government members.
“I knew it was important to be a leader, and I took that commitment seriously when I became the president of my high school class, the president of my youth organization, and the president of my school,” Fraser said. “In fact, I took it so seriously my parents took me to see a psychiatrist. He talked to me about moderation, but I knew I was here to accomplish something.”
Today, she knows her purpose is to encourage people to seek out a personal approach to their own giving—and truly understand why it is important to give now. That process is one Frasier began decades ago after watching her entrepreneurial parents, who helped build the retail franchise Casual Corner in Atlanta. “They taught me incredible lessons,” she shares.
But she had plenty of lessons to learn once she was on her own, Frasier insists.
“I studied political science at Duke University where, for the first time, I encountered prejudice,” she says. “I am Jewish and when I got to college, I wanted to be in a ‘popular’ sorority and not a Jewish one. The one I liked had a charter saying it could not admit Jews. It hit me hard.”
She went on to volunteer for the Peace Corps, befriended Walter Cronkite (who told her to do only those things to which she can give 100 percent), and ultimately launched several companies and organizations including a successful PR agency that she sold in 2007.
That year, Fraser was named as one of the Top 50 Pioneers in Diversity by Profiles in Diversity Journal, and—along with Oprah Winfrey and Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton—was named one of America’s Top Diversity Advocates by DiversityBusiness.com. She is a founding member of The Committee of 200 and is in the Enterprising Women Hall of Fame, the magazine’s highest honor.
“The one thing I have learned in my life is that you have to keep changing,” she concluded. “Get into things where you can be unique and then go for it. Walk the walk, and as it’s been said, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’”
Other chapters are written by the heads of some lesser-known nonprofit organizations, such as the Gail Heyman of the National Fragile X Foundation, and Terry Baugh of the DC-based organization KidSave.
On page 204, Baugh’s partner and KidSave co-founder Randi Thompson writes: “When you ask someone if they can help the 33 million kids in the world living without families, they can’t imagine what they can do. But when you talk about the possibility of reaching out to one orphan or foster child, it’s a very different story.”
That idea captures the essence of this 289-page book, which strives to teach and encourage everyone to open their hearts and give what they can.
In fact, the book’s publisher, David Hancock of Morgan James Publishing, has made a commitment to donate a percentage of book sales each month to one of his favorite organizations, Habitat for Humanity.
“Habitat for Humanity is changing lives,” Hancock writes in the book. “Working in partnership with low-income families to build decent homes they can afford to buy, Habitat helps to break the cycle of poverty and hopelessness. So we place its logo on the back and inside of our books and give a small library of books to the new homeowners. In addition to generating funds, we are raising awareness of Habitat’s critically important work.”
The goal of the book, which hit the Businessweek bestseller list just weeks after it was published in November 2008, was to encourage more companies to reach out in similarly profound ways.
“Whether in your community or around the world, choose one or more actions that make a difference,” says Spizman, (pictured) one of the country’s leading gift experts, who is often featured on NBC’s “Today” show, CNN, MSNBC, and The Discovery Channel, among others. “Continue to search for meaningful ways to connect to causes that matter. Considering what you can do and inspiring yourself and others in the giving of time, talents, and treasures has never been more critical.”
Fraser notes: “My forecast is that with the support of corporate and nonprofit leaders, outstanding philanthropists, dedicated volunteers, celebrities, ambassadors for change, and innovative activists working to better humanity, ‘Do Your Giving While You Are Living’ will become a movement.”
For more information about Edie Frasier, and her latest project, “STEM Connector,” click here.
“In the beginning, the boy thought he saw his father everywhere. Outside the latrines. Underneath the showers. Leaning against barrack doorways. It was 1942. Utah. Late summer. The wind was hot and dry and the rain rarely fell and wherever the boy looked he saw him: Daddy, Papa, Father, Oto-san.”
And so begins the third and title chapter of Julie Otsuka’s incandescent novel, “When the Emperor Was Divine,” a bittersweet glimpse into the internment of a Japanese-American family during World War II.
The boy, Otsuka says, is her favorite character.
“He’s a very dreamy 8-year-old, who is too young to understand what’s going on,” she explains. “But he is filled with yearning and hope, and he idolizes his father, whose return is what sustains him.”
In fact, Otsuka’s novel is based on her own family history. The FBI arrested her grandfather as a suspected spy for Japan the day after Pearl Harbor was bombed. Soon after, her mother, uncle and grandmother were taken and held for three years in an internment camp in Topaz, Utah.
In addition to her own memories, research, and insights from her mother, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s not long after the author began writing the book, many details are based on letters that Otsuka’s grandfather wrote while in custody.
“When we were cleaning out my grandmother’s home after she went into assisted living, my aunt and uncle found her wedding veil and a pair of white silk gloves that she probably wore on her wedding day shoved up into the flue of the fireplace,” Otsuka shares. “Down on the floor, they found a cardboard box of letters that my grandfather had written to her during the first year of the war from the camps. No one had ever known about the letters, but when I read them I could hear his voice.”
That voice found its way onto the page when the writer was working on her master’s thesis at Columbia University in the mid-1990s. Her advisor, Maureen Howard, encouraged her to expand the story into a novel, which was published by Knopf in 2002. Soon after, it became a New York Times Notable Book, a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of the Year, and a Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers finalist.
Writing, however, wasn’t Otsuka’s first love.
“After I graduated from Yale with a degree in studio art, I went on to get my masters of fine arts at the University of Indiana in Bloomington, but dropped out after three months,” says the California native, who has lived in New York City for the last 25 years. “I was too young to handle the pressure of grad school, but more than that, I became extremely self-conscious and felt very inhibited. Eventually, painting wasn’t fun anymore. So I gave it up.”
For more than a decade, Otsuka, now 50, has been supporting herself as a full-time writer and author.
Her second book,The Buddha in the Attic, is the winner of the 2012 PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction, a New York Times Notable Book, a Best Book of the Year (The Boston Globe, Vogue), and a finalist for the National Book Award (and LA Times Book Prize).
“The world of language, and writing of books, is a bigger and more stimulating world for me in the end,” she believes, noting that most every day she attends to her craft from a small table in the rear of the Hungarian Pastry Shop in the New York City neighborhood of Morningside Heights.
“The refills are free, the pastries are delicious, and about half of the people in the shop are regulars—including some pretty well-known writers. I love it because there’s no music, just the white noise of the place. And there’s no wireless, so I can’t check my email. I go for about three hours a day to read, write, and stare off into space. I have been to other great cafés, including several in Paris, but I can’t manage to get into that magical writing zone like I do at the Pastry Shop.”
It is here that she worked on “The Buddha in the Attic” (Knopf, 2011), a story Otsuka considers to be a giant epic song, about a group of young Japanese ‘picture brides’ who sailed to America in the early 1900s to become the wives of men they had never met and knew only by their photographs.
Otsuka is now at work on novel number three, about the beauty and pain of remembering and forgetting.
“Because my mother is now in the final stages of Alzheimer’s, this topic is obsessing me. I am fascinated by the things that we remember at the end of our lives, and also what it all ultimately means when we forget the people and details that once seemed so important.”
Mostly, Otsuka insists that she feels lucky to have a career that allows her to explore the themes and ideas that intrigue and haunt her.
“I’m very process oriented, and actually enjoy the fact that I can’t yet see where things are going. Writing is much like painting in that way, because you can’t get too fixated on any one corner of the canvas or you’ll miss the big picture. It’s difficult and complicated, but it’s beautiful.”
Otsuka’s fiction has been published in Granta and Harper’s and read aloud on Public Radio International’s “Selected Shorts,” and BBC Radio 4’s “Book at Bedtime.” For more information, visit www.julieotsuka.com.
By Hope Katz Gibbs is a freelance writer in Arlington, VA who longs to find her own perfect café to think, write, and dream.
By Susan Rainbow Ariel Kennedy (aka Sark), the book that provided much needed guidance to me after I was left at the altar, sat for years on the bookshelf next to my desk. It smiled patiently at me as I made my way through the 30- and 40-something years of my life.
And then, this fall, I felt the need to pick it up again. As I leafed through one of the first lessons in the Play!book, something miraculous happened. I found that back in April of 1994, on the page of adjectives that Sark suggests you circle to describe yourself, I circled, “incandescent.”
I had forgotten all about it for almost 18 years. In fact, I had thought I chosen the named for my PR and publishing company, The Inkandescent Group, after a word that called out to me from a 2007 magazine article in Amtrak’s Arrive magazine. In it, Annie Proulx described Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert as “a young writer with incandescent talent.”
It was as if someone had shined a spotlight on the word. So I circled it, tucked the article into my day-timer, and the next year launched Inkandescent PR.
Needless to say, it came as a pleasant surprise to realize that this beautiful word has been lingering in my mind for ages. And it made me realize that what Sark was teaching me years before was still true—hers was one of the best guides around to getting unstuck, claiming your passion, and finding the magic in everyday life. The key was to play, listen, and play some more.
Give it a try for yourself!
1. Find a word or words that describe you, or how you would like to be thought of. Sark’s suggestions include: incandescent, rare, gifted, blessed, spectacular, comedic, hopeful, unusual, celebrated, ingenious, wise, calm, tremendous, powerful, avatar, superb, truth-filled, energized, dreamer, angelic, uncanny, treasured, and spiritual.
2. I want. Fill a page with everything you can think of wanting right now, from tiny to immense. Sark says, “Listen to your heart and write what it says.”
3. Build your dream space. Sark suggests, “Draw it. Color it. List everything it needs to have. Make up stuff you’ve always wanted.”
4. Do you have a creative idea or dream you’d like to be living? Sark insists: “Write it down. Make it specific. Forget about time and money. What is your creative yearning?”
5. If not now, when? Sark says: “Get some more paper and list all the reasons you aren’t or haven’t yet started living your creative dream. Include time, money, and anything else that you think gets in your way. Safe these papers for later. Put them aside. And remember, YOUAREFULL OF CREATIVITY. This is the truth.”
And this is just the beginning.
Finding Sark
Because 1994 was a long time ago, I went on a mission to find what Sark was up to in 2012. It turns out that her work has gone global with Planet Sark, a website that she considers “Your Home for Dreaming, Daring, and Doing.”
After signing up for her newsletter, I received this note that explains far better than I what you’ll find when you tap into Sark’s world:
Dearest Kind, Curious, and Transforming Human Bean,
Your inner Wise Self appeared at your birth and will be with you all of your life and beyond. You might think of it as your higher self, or holy spirit or angelic messenger. The name really doesn’t matter. It’s your inner knowing and connection that matters. Activating that connection is easy. You simply tune in and ask, and then receive. It helps to connect through writing, because that involves body, mind and spirit.
People have asked me so many times why and how my life is so great. I think it’s because I enjoy the whole thing, and I’m not waiting for a better version. And of course I’m not enjoying all the time. That would be boring and stupid. I can enjoy not enjoying! I’m committed to transformation and change, and my life purpose is to be a transformer, an uplifter, and a laser beam of love. I do this through art and words, in various mediums, and frequently in pajamas.
I am honored and privileged to work with other writers, speakers, parents, creative geniuses, flailing students, successful business leaders, curious pioneers, busy people, procrastinators, perfectionists, and people who would really rather be sleeping. I specialize in resistors, skeptics, and other uncatagorizable people. I admire “dumb questions” and people willing to not “look good.” I believe heartily in miracles and use both right and left sides of my brain. I’m a bit unrealistic by design and choice, and I get fantastic results because of it, and so will you!
We look forward to meeting Sark in person later this year, and to continuing to be inspired by her big, bright, beautiful words and artwork.
Greensgrow Farms co-founder and chief farm hand Mary Seton Corboy is a homegrown superstar.
In addition to starting one of the Philadelphia area’s best-known urban farms in 1977, she also founded the Neighborhood Urban Agriculture Coalition (NUAC), and co-founded the Farmers Market Alliance. She’s been named a “Best of Philly” by Philadelphia Magazine, and was listed in Organic Style magazine’s Top 50 Environmental Power List.
For good reason. The DC native who has called Philadelphia home for three decades has been leading the charge for decades to develop urban farms and co-ops around the country. She and her fellow farmers have been heralding a single-minded mantra: “Eat well. Eat local.” Here’s more of her story.
Farming Wunderkind Mary Seton Corboy
“It all started as a crazy idea,”Corboy explains. “On a chilly, cloudy day in March 1997, Tom Sereduk and I pushed back the broken gates to an abandoned lot in the Kensington section of Philadelphia. Without knowing it, we were firing the opening salvo in the urban agriculture movement. We went on a search for property on which to build an urban farm; old industrial land was what was available. A former galvanized steel plant to be exact.
“A conventional farm seemed highly unlikely to spring from an industrial brownfield. So it was back to the drawing board where we re-visioned an urban farm employing hydroponic growing of lettuce. Surprising even then, it was a success. In the years since the first cases of produce were delivered out of the back of the truck, Greensgrow Farm, Inc. has changed a great deal. Our willingness and ability to change, in fact, has been the root of our success.
“Today Greensgrow stands as a testament to hard work and harder heads. What was once a dilapidated industrial site is today an active, vibrant Farm Stand and Nursery. When we first got started in 1998, you might have thought we were crazy. Now over a decade later, folks are calling us visionaries. Well, we still think we’re just crazy.”
Following is a Q&A we recently did with the Washington, DC, native, who notes in her bio: “My mother was a do-gooder and my father a curmudgeon. I am a perfect cross between the two.”
Be Inkandescent: At 20something, you moved from DC to Philadelphia, armed with a BA in Political Science and English Lit from Wilson College. You got an MA in Political Science from Villanova University, and then worked as a chef before getting into the urban farming business. What made you decide that life at the helm of a co-op was the life for you?
Mary Seton Corboy: I wish I could say that running the urban farm and market at Greensgrow was me grabbing a dream and shaking it out. But the fact is that I was running from the possibility that there might be a normal 9-to-5 life out there, waiting for me to slow down and deal with it. The truth is that I was terrified of becoming someone with an uninteresting job and 2.5 weeks of vacation per year.
So when Tom Sereduk approached me about his idea of growing food locally, harvesting it, and having it at restaurants the same day, I thought, “Cool! No one is gonna confuse that with working for ‘The Man.’ Why I’m still at it is another story: I am pig-headed.
Be Inkandescent: What do you love about shopping at co-ops and urban farm markets?
Mary Seton Corboy: I don’t get into the big-store, wide-aisle, fancy-stuff supermarkets that are wowing people now. I grew up in DC, and markets were small, cramped places with a never-ending series of wonderful mysteries stocked on the shelves. It never ceases to amaze me how much stuff small stores can cram in. I love that many co-ops still feel like that, such as Weavers Way in Mt. Airy.
It just feels better to me to shop in places like that. And, of course, anytime you can find ways to keep money in a community, I feel it’s something we have to do. People really don’t get the impact of having a Wal-Mart in their own community—that all the do-re-mi they spend just flies away to their corporate headquarters, leaving nada where it started.
Be Inkandescent: Which cities/regions are leading the way in the co-op business? And in general, what is the state of co-ops across the country?
Mary Seton Corboy: Urban Farms are booming in San Francisco, Cleveland, Chicago, Detroit, and Boston. Philly has a pretty active urban farming movement that started off as a leader, but has slowed to a runner-up. Some people see food co-ops as political statements. I see them as smart, sustainable revenue-generators that help the community thrive. Healthy co-ops are good business.
Be Inkandescent: Your mantra is “Eat well. Eat local.” Why is that tough for some people to do? And do you have any advice on how more people can adopt that philosophy?
Mary Seton Corboy: A number of years back I read that in the future, the rich will eat organic and the poor will eat genetically modified. That really struck me because eating good food should not be class warfare. Food, water, air, education, health care—these are the basics.
When I say that I am not political about food, I don’t believe that we were trying to ruin food access. I think farmers and food manufacturers were trying to make good food accessible to all. But then some CFOs and the marketing geniuses got in the way, and in their quest for the almighty dollar, they took something like corn flakes and tried to take them out of the mouths of the average American.
It makes me a little sick to think that as a society we turned a blind eye to this reality for so very long. But now, I believe there are enough people who are savvy and clever enough to salvage the situation. God help us if we don’t.
Be Inkandescent: Increasingly, restaurants are advertising that their ingredients are “farm to table.” Do you think that’s a marketing scheme, or the real deal?
Mary Seton Corboy: I was a chef and a chef’s job is to create. Buying local is one of the biggest creations to date. If all chefs bought only local ingredients, I would be on a beach with a Mai Tai in my hand. If you want to be sure, ask to see the receipt from the day’s purchases. I do. And then, when I go back for another meal, waitresses cringe when they see me seated. Good. They are just the messengers, but I ask and demand names—and you should, too. If they want tripe, go to the Italian Market—not the Safeway. Don’t lie to me.
Be Inkandescent: What’s the real importance of buying, and eating, locally grown food?
Mary Seton Corboy: It really does matter if some foods are uber-fresh. If you use canned tomatoes in your gravy (what they call pasta sauce in Philly), who cares. Better you should, as it gives you a more consistent product.
But God help you if you sell a Caprese salad and I even sniff ingredients from Florida. I simply never, ever order certain things out of season. When I started cooking professionally, we fell all over ourselves to get to the truck to get the asparagus in spring so we could put Veal Oscar on the menu. Then we could also make cream of asparagus soup—and we rewrote the menus for everything as it came through the door. Same with fiddleheads (baby ostritch ferns), and (this ages me) even basil.
Now, no one cares that asparagus doesn’t taste anything like asparagus. You could change it up with broccoli, and most people wouldn’t even know until they took a pee. The sad truth is that chefs have taken a piece of sandpaper to our tongues and we don’t know anymore. But I’ll tell you that I personally deliver the second pick of the year of berries (first pick berries aren’t as sweet) and peaches to the Standard Tap so that Chef Carolyn Angle can make me shortcake. It takes my breath away every year.
Then, I open a shack at my farm and make real, honest-to-goodness BLTs—the kind where the mayo and tomato juice start to mix together and slide down your hands and into your armpits. And I think, “Oh, there is indeed a God,” and She’s here in between these two pieces of white toast.
Be Inkandescent: What about Philadelphia attracted you initially? Do you still love the city? What’s keeps you in the City of Brotherly Love?
Mary Seton Corboy: I do love Philly, God help me. But I have never—not even when I was named “Best Philadelphian” by Philadelphia Magazine —did I stop thinking of myself first and foremost as a Washingtonian.
Honestly, to me DC is the most beautiful city in the world. I don’t mean all that marble downtown. I mean the horticulture, which is absolutely stunning. The worst neighborhood you have ever seen may still have a magnolia tree that, when in bloom, will take on any comers in any arboretum in the world.
What I like about Philly is that, like a lot of old East Coast cities such as Baltimore, it is a city of neighborhoods and has distinct characteristics. I think Philly has done a better job of handling gentrification than some cities have, and gentrification should not be considered a four-letter word—not when it turns old taprooms into gastro pubs. Saving the building for what it was built to be—something retail for the whole neighborhood—is a good thing.
Be Inkandescent: What tips can you provide readers on growing their own food? Do you recommend it?
Mary Seton Corboy: Everyone should grow their own food—at least once, so that they know what it feels like to have Mother Nature have her way with you. Beautiful things can happen when we put seed to soil. It gives one perspective on things.
I think watching food grow allows you to leave your own self for a moment and actually be embraced by the idea of nature enfolding you. Very new age, but food is so much more than nutrients—it’s community and soul and family and tradition and your mother’s love, all in a good brisket.
Be Inkandescent: What are your plans for the future—for yourself, and the co-op?
Mary Seton Corboy: Eight years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, and given three months to live. Since then, well let’s just say that I don’t care if I have a Roth or a traditional IRA. I take every day that I am given and embrace it.
It’s hard to ignore, but I try not to let it be my guide. In spite of the many obstacles that this disease keeps throwing in front of me, I am blessed with a happy demeanor. So even when I feel like the world is crashing around me, I can almost always find something to be happy about. The sun always will come out tomorrow in my little world vision.
I was never much for planning my future, so to be told my future might be short wasn’t a huge loss for me personally. But professionally, it makes a difference. I used to think I’d have lots of time to work on Greensgrow. It is my child, and having a child changes everything.
Here’s the amazing thing: What started out as a simple exercise in me running away from a lifestyle that didn’t interest me has ended up being so much more. People depend on me. Their homes, their lives, their families depend on me, and the decisions I make. It’s a boulder I didn’t realize I was painting my name on, but I did and now I accept that responsibility. It’s made me more human.
Greensgrow is my beacon. It’s the reason I get up every day. The reason I fight nausea and pain and malaise. I hope she survives me. After all, it has survived in spite of me and my ass-backwards ways. It deserves to live on.
For more information, check out Mary Seton Corboy’s co-op: www.greensgrow.org.
“Ramona Quimby was 9 years old. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and no cavities,” writes beloved children’s book author Beverly Cleary in the first chapter of her bestseller, “Ramona’s World.” It chronicles the day our heroine meets her new baby sister, Roberta.
This is one of more than three dozen books penned by Cleary in the more than five decades that she has been drawing real kids into the adventures of her fictional characters. Her first book, “Henry Huggins,” was published in 1950; her last was “Ramona’s World” in 1999. Klickitat Street, where several of them live, is based on her own childhood neighborhood.
Inspiring kids to love reading, especially struggling readers like herself as a child, has been a lifelong mission for the woman who grew up on a farm in Yamhill, Oregon—a town so small it had no library.
“Until I was in 3rd grade, I thought of reading as something I just had to do in school,” Cleary says. “In the 5th or 6th grade we had to write a story, and the teacher told me I should write children’s books when I grew up.”
Children everywhere are better for Cleary receiving such sage career advice. Prior to her career as an author, Cleary worked as a librarian, which is how she first encountered children who had trouble finding books that captured their imaginations.
That’s when she decided to start writing books about kids that young readers would recognize as being like themselves.
On April 12, 2010—the day Cleary turned 94—her love of books was celebrated during National Drop Everything and Read (D.E.A.R.) Day, sponsored by the National Education Association, the Parent Teacher Association, HarperCollins Children’s Books and, of course, Ramona Quimby (www.dropeverythingandread.com).
Cleary recently took some time to share her thoughts and words of wisdom with Be Inkandescent magazine.
Be Inkandescent magazine: Of the dozens of books you have written, do you have a favorite?
Beverly Cleary: I don’t have a favorite title, but I have favorite characters, including Henry, Ramona, Ralph, and all the rest of them. My least favorite books went straight into the wastebasket. If I don’t enjoy writing them, how can I expect anybody to enjoy reading them?
Be Inkandescent magazine: Which of your characters is most similar to you?
Beverly Clearly: People tell me that I was Ramona. I don’t agree. I was much more Ellen Tebbitts, which is really quite autobiographical. I was also quite a bit like the mouse who rode the motorcycle—not that I rode motorcycles, but, like Ralph, I hoped for adventure.
Be Inkandescent magazine: We understand that some of your characters are hitting the big screen this summer in a movie entitled “Ramona and Beezus.” Did you help write the script?
Beverly Clearly: I was consulted about the scripts and rejected a few of them, and I made suggestions about the final script, but my involvement ended there. I am excited about the movie.
Be Inkandescent magazine: Do you still write? Is there anything you wish you had written about, but didn’t get to?
Beverly Clearly: I no longer write. I wish I had written about Ramona in 5th grade, but didn’t wish hard enough to actually do it.
Be Inkandescent magazine: What was your favorite book when you were a child?
Beverly Clearly: As a child, my favorite book was “Dandelion Cottage,” by Caroll Watson Rankin. Every time I brought it home from the library, my mother would say, “Not “Dandelion Cottage” again.” I’d also read any book of fairy tales. As an adult, I have no favorite titles, but I especially enjoy autobiography.
Be Inkandescent magazine: Where do you find inspiration and ideas for your stories?
Beverly Clearly: Any place. Every place. From memories, observations, newspapers, overheard conversations. I’m an unrepentant eavesdropper, especially in restaurants.
Be Inkandescent magazine: If you could tell anything to the millions who have enjoyed your books, what would it be?
Beverly Clearly: I think I would say, “Don’t stop now. Go ahead! Be readers all of your lives. And don’t forget, librarians and teachers can help you find the right books to read.”
“Hi, Friends. I didn’t want the week to get away without wishing you a great Christmas, Hanukkah, and awesome New Year,” begins Maria Aguilera in a mid-December entry on her CaringBridge page.
“I am writing this despite feeling like a truck has run over my body … again and again and again. I wish I felt better but this chemo reminds me of the first protocol I did where days would pass and I wouldn’t even know it. I am hoping I can come out of this hole like I did last time. Of course, Ricardo and the boys are super nurturing and supportive. My parents are here cooking, etc., and helping things run smoothly, as always.
“None of these guys seem to ever catch a break. Boy, do I feel bad about that. I know. You are going to tell me that they want to and I didn’t bring this upon myself, but boy when you are feeling sicker than sick, all these feelings come out. I will be checking with the doc on Thursday and already know I am in desperate need of a transfusion. Thanks to all of you for showing me such amazing support over the years. I only hope that the new year brings what is best for my family—and you. Love, Maria.”
And just before the New Year, she wrote:
“I want to wish you a very happy and healthy 2012! As for me, I had a very nice Christmas Eve with my family and was grateful to be released from the hospital that morning. I had been readmitted because of severe breathlessness and was found to need a blood transfusion (I knew it).
“The blood has perked me up a bit but still have this persistent cough. They did another CT while in the hospital to rule out any lung clots and my lung tumors still continue to grow. I now have a tumor on my left kidney as well. Not great news.
“I am still hoping that this new chemo does something to either shrink the tumors or stabilize them. I have to admit I am getting more and more frightened by the pace of growth in the last several months. Please continue to keep my boys, all three, and my family in your prayers. Love, Maria”
Since the summer of 2007, Maria has been battling a rare form of cancer. Her friends follow each message with interest, and all are spirited cheerleaders for the woman who has always been a devoted wife, mother, and friend.
My family met Maria, her husband Ricardo, and their two sons, Alex, 14, and Nick, 13, in 2000, the year we moved into their Northern Virginia neighborhood. Like all those who know and love this family, we have watched their courageous fight, and have felt awed by their strength.
My husband Mike and I often talk about what we would do in a similar situation. Would we have the ability, and enough stamina, to wage war against a life-threatening illness?
The answers are personal, and no doubt are different for each of us.
But for Maria, the answer was easy. “I have done the only thing I can do,” she told me when I asked if she’d consider being our January 2012 Truly Amazing Woman. “I’ll do it,” she said. “But I don’t think I’m amazing.”
This is a common response from many of the women we have profiled in Be Inkandescent magazine’sTruly Amazing Women column, and on our website for our upcoming book project. Of course, we beg to differ. These woman have all been featured because they meet our basic criteria of “making strides and changing lives.” Maria tops the list.
And so we kick off the new year with a Q&A with Maria Aguilera, whose strength, courage, and perseverance are sure to amaze you, too.
Be Inkandescent: Tell us about your illness, and how it was first diagnosed.
Maria: I was diagnosed in July 2007 with metastatic leiomyosarcoma which had already spread to my lungs and spine. My left leg was giving me great pain, and I had seen a neurologist who ordered an MRI, which is how we found out.
Leiomyosarcoma is a cancer of smooth muscle cells that make up the involuntary muscles, which are found in most parts of the body. It is very rare and chemo-resistant.
Be Inkandescent: What was your initial reaction?
Maria: My initial reaction was deep despair. All I could think of was my boys, then ages 8 and 10, and how they needed a mom. I didn’t think I would make it past the six-month prognosis they had originally given me, and my heart ached for my husband and sons.
Be Inkandescent: Do you and your husband, Ricardo, and your two boys, cope with your illness in different ways?
Maria: We are very honest with the boys. We tell them results after every scan. They know there is no cure, and that my situation will start to worsen. But they know I am doing everything I can to be here for them.
My husband is an amazing person who not only is my cheerleader, but has become the rock the boys depend on.
Be Inkandescent: When you look back on those first life-changing days now, so many years later, what is your take on those early days? How have your thoughts on the situation changed over the years?
Maria: Those early days were very dark, and different treatments over the last five years have taken me back there now and then. I don’t think you ever make peace with it, but I have come to accept the “new normal,” as they say.
My movement is limited, I don’t have a lot of energy, and the pain can be debilitating at times, but I am still here and that’s what counts. I tell myself that every day.
Be Inkandescent: Given all of the surgeries and treatments that you have endured, tell us to what you attribute your strength.
Maria: I gather my strength from my boys—my major motivators—and my husband. My family has also been a great source of strength. Though they are older, my parents have changed their lives because of this and spend about half of their year with us to help out, traveling from New York City often. I also couldn’t do this without my friends and neighbors. I often kid that it takes a village to raise an Aguilera boy.
Be Inkandescent: What is the biggest hurdle you face day to day?
Maria: The biggest hurdle I face day to day is the knowledge that each treatment will debilitate me more each time. I have to think of the possible greater good.
Be Inkandescent: What joys have you experienced over the past few years?
Maria: This experience has certainly put my life in perspective. I am now more mindful of every minute. I take nothing for granted. My husband changed jobs and careers to spend more time with us and be home more for the boys. Being together for dinner every day brings me great joy. It’s not something we had before. In the last five years, we have traveled to much of the United States, including Alaska, and created great memories. I am not sure that I can continue traveling, but hope these memories last a lifetime.
Be Inkandescent: What is next for you, in terms of your treatment in 2012?
Maria: 2011 was a very hard year in terms of major surgeries, multiple rounds of radiation, and two different chemotherapies. I will be continuing a harsh chemotherapy into 2012, and hoping for some stability so that I can stretch whatever time I have left.
Be Inkandescent: Sometimes, as a friend or family member, it’s not always easy to know what to say to someone whom you care about, whom you know is suffering. What advice would you give others when it comes to saying the right—or wrong—thing?
Maria: For me personally, there is no wrong thing to say. To know that a friend cares enough to call or say that they are thinking of my family is worth its weight in gold. I know that this concern and care is genuine and will help my family no matter what happens.
Be Inkandescent: You and I have talked several times about what it means to be “Truly Amazing,” and each time you deny that this accolade describes you. While we respectfully beg to differ, what do you want us to know about what it means to find your courage in the face of adversity?
Maria: This isn’t really courage. I have no choice but to move forward every day for my children and my family.
About CaringBridge
CaringBridge provides free websites that connect people experiencing a significant health challenge to their family and friends, making each health journey easier. CaringBridge is powered by generous donors.
CaringBridge websites offer a personal and private space to communicate and show support, saving time and emotional energy when health matters most. The websites are easy to create and use. Authors add health updates and photos to share their story while visitors leave messages of love, hope, and compassion in the guestbook.
Each day, half-a-million people connect through CaringBridge.
More than 1 billion visits have been made to personal CaringBridge websites.
The CaringBridge community includes authors, visitors, and/or donors in all 50 states and more than 225 countries and territories around the world.
Sometimes kids just know what they are going to be when they grow up. Take Rachel Renée Russell, author of the New York Times bestselling series, the “Dork Diaries,” who has been writing young adult books since she was in the 6th grade.
That’s the year she wrote “The Donny and Ronny Book,” for her younger twin brothers.
“They loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ‘Sesame Street,’ and I told the story of their lives with markers and construction paper,” explains the native of Saint Joseph, Michigan, who from that point on dreamt of becoming a professional writer.
At Northwestern University, though, her literary dreams were dashed.
“I signed up for a writing class with a professor who had published a popular children’s book, because I thought I’d learn a lot and that he’d help set me on a great path,” she recalls. “But after handing in a few assignments, he assured me that I was the worst writer on the planet and that he was doing me a favor by giving me a C.”
Russell took the criticism to heart, and set her sights on a law career. She landed a seat at Wayne State School of Law in Detroit, and within a decade was one of the top consumer bankruptcy attorneys in Michigan. She also married her college sweetheart, and had two daughters, Nikki and Erin.
But then fate intervened.
Not long before her 49th birthday, her husband announced that he wanted a divorce. Although devastated, Russell considered it an opportunity to do the thing she always dreamed of: write. She gathered her courage, dusted off a manuscript she had been toying with for a few years, and submitted it to a literary agent.
“The agent loved it,” Russell says today of the story that eventually became the first in the “Dork Diaries,” series. “I have always been good at bouncing back, even when my heart is broken.”
Less than a month after her divorce was finalized, her Simon & Schuster book became a New York Times bestseller—and spent 96 weeks on the coveted list. As of fall 2011, there are 3.5 million copies of the “Dork Diaries” in print.
One pass through the fuchsia-covered “Tales From a Not-So-Fabulous Life,” and it’s easy to see why the book is such a hit.
From the first double-spaced, entertainingly illustrated entry on Saturday, August 31, you’ll be sucked into the adolescent life of Nikki Maxwell, 14. It’s two days before she starts middle school at a Westchester Country Day, and her mission is to convince her mother to buy her a cell phone. “What better way to clinch a spot in the CCP (Cute, Cool & Popular) group at my new private school, than by dazzling them with a new cell,” she reasons.
Unfortunately, when mom comes home from the mall with a shopping bag, Nikki is crestfallen to find her gift is a diary.
“Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAINDEAD,” Nikki writes. “Then there are days when I know she is. Like today.”
In the following chapters of the 282-page hardback, we meet Nikki’s nemesis, the perennially popular MacKenzie. In addition to being the best-dressed girl at school, she has her eyes on the irresistible Brandon, the first boy with whom Nikki would like to test out her Krazy Kissalicious Strawberry Crush Glitterati lip-gloss.
Readers also gain insights into Nikki’s education as she unravels the plot to Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream,” figures out how to calculate the volume of a cylinder, and breaks a bottle of perfume in French class—but can’t apologize to the teacher because she can’t quite pronounce his name. “It sounds like a sneeze,” the protagonist writes in her diary.
Russell says she was able to artfully weave all of the pieces of Nikki’s middle school trials and tribulations into a playful tapestry because she was living through them with her own teenage girls.
“Both of my girls had a really hard time in school, but especially Nikki, who is now 24,” the author admits. “Not only were they picked on, but eventually it got physical. Although I tried to work it out with the administrators, I had to step in and put them into a different school. It was a really difficult time for all of us, but I think that’s why I write so well about the drama of being a dork because we lived through the horror years.”
Fortunately, the family drew strength from adversity and both of her daughters currently work with her. Nikki, an artist who studied education, helps with the illustrations, and Erin works on the manuscripts.
For the foreseeable future, the Russell family will be dorking out in style.
Rounding out the New York Times bestselling series is book two, “Tales from a No-So-Popular Party Girl,” and book three, “Tales from a No-So-Talented Pop Star,” which take us through November of the school year. Russell is currently putting the finishing touches on book four, which will come out next June. And this summer, Simon & Schuster bought the publishing rights to books five and six.
“The ‘Dork Diaries’ are my ticket to a new life,” says Russell, who now lives in Northern Virginia near her sister, a dentist. “Just like my character, I am a work in progress. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
If you haven’t read the tales from a Not-so-Talented Pop Star, Tales from a not-so- Fabulous life and Tales From a Not-So-Popular Party Girl, click here to learn more: dorkdiariesblog.com.
And, speaking as the mom of a now 16-year-old, if you have a tweenager in the house, these books are sure to hit hit home. In addition to a diary—with a key—this series makes the perfect holiday gift.
A note about being a dork
This article originally appeared in The Costco Connection, a publication I have happily been writing for since 1999.
In fact, writing articles about amazingly strong, brave women like Rachel Russell inspired me to begin the Truly Amazing Women project.
As I noted in the author bio for Costco, despite being the president of my senior class and captain of the varsity cheerleading squad—I was a dork. “I made straight A’s and went to an Ivy League college,” she says. “Power to the dorks.” I still am. So for all of my compatriots out there, rock on! — Hope Katz Gibbs
Love. Loss. Survivorship. These are the themes that are at the heart of the 18 novels, eight young adult books, and three books of short fiction that the prolific Alice Hoffman has crafted since the beginning of her career in 1973.
Her novel, “Here on Earth,” was an Oprah Book Club choice in 1998. That same year, her book, “Practical Magic,” was made into a Warner Brothers film starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Her young adult novel, “Aquamarine,” made it to the silver screen in 2006, starring teen queens Joanna “JoJo” Levesque, Emma Roberts, and Sara Paxton.
Hoffman says that while it’s thrilling to watch her books make a splash in theaters, her goal is to understand life’s biggest questions.
For instance, her novel, “At Risk,” concerns a family dealing with AIDS, and can be found on the reading lists of many universities, colleges, and secondary schools.
“I have a deep desire to find the answers to questions about love, death, and how to cope with disappointment,” the 50something writer tells The Connection from her home outside of Boston. “I work to find those answers through writing, because it’s not really something you can do in everyday life.”
As a kid, the author says she was a fanatical reader who loved to write, but never thought she’d grow up to become a novelist. After high school, she took a job at the Doubleday book factory.
Then, one day at lunch, she up and quit.
“I never really thought too much about the future, although I did think I’d marry Paul McCartney,” she admits.
That day, however, she realized her brother, a graduate of Brown, was right when he suggested she go to Stanford. Soon after, she applied for and won the Mirrellees Fellowship at the Stanford Creative Writing Center, where she met Professor Albert Guerard, and his wife, the writer Maclin Bocock Guerard.
They helped Hoffman publish a short story in the magazine Fiction, which caught the eye of book editor Ted Solotaroff. He contacted the then 21-year-old to ask if she had a novel ready.
Hoffman immediately began working on “Property Of,” a book that told the tale of a lonely outsider who tries to become the “property of” a local gang’s brooding leader — only to discover what can, and cannot, be possessed.
The supernatural is another theme that the writer weaves through her work.
Consider, The Third Angel, a story that came to Hoffman when she was on a book tour in London back in the 1980s.
“When you read the book you’ll find out that there’s the suggestion of ghost sighting, and that part is true,” she insists. “I thought I heard a ghost in the next room in the hotel. That got my imagination going.”
While Hoffman has a strong idea and characters in mind when she sits down to write any book, she says they almost always take on a life of their own. That certainly holds true for her newest novel, “Dovekeepers,” which hit bookstores last month.
Lonesome Dove
The story begins in 70 CE., after the fall of Masada, when 900 Jews held out for months against armies of Romans on the mountain in the Judean desert. While for centuries it was thought there were no survivors, in reading the work of the ancient historian Josephus, Hoffman discovered that two women and five children actually may have survived.
“As soon as I learned that, I knew the novel would be about what happened to those people,” Hoffman says, admitting that “Dovekeepers” took five years to finish, and is one of her most haunting, and ambitious works to date.
Critics are calling it her masterpiece, including Kirkus Book Reviews, which said the book is, “an enthralling tale rendered with consummate literary skill.”
The Boston Globe reviewer wrote: “Alice Hoffman’s ‘The Dovekeepers’ is a splendid entertainment, a harrowing, thrilling, feminist historical novel fueled to fever pitch by a rich imagination. Although it plays on some of her favorite themes—magic, mystery, witchcraft, strong women—it’s a departure for the prolific author of popular women’s fiction. This novel is short on the happy endings Hoffman’s fans may hope for, but readers looking for a compelling story full of vivid characters in a dramatic and haunting setting won’t be disappointed.”
And Novel Laureate Toni Morrison said the book is “beautiful, harrowing, a major contribution to 21st century literature.”
Meet Alice Hoffman: Speaking Engagements for Fall 2011
ROCKVILLE, MD: Friday, Nov. 4
10:30 AM JCC OF GREATERWASHINGTON
42nd Annual Book Festival / 6th Annual Book Club Brunch
6125 Montrose Road, Rockville, MD Buy tickets here: $36, members; $42, general public
LAWRENCEVILLE, NJ: Sunday, November 6
12:00 PM
6th ANNUALBOOK LOVER’S LUNCHEON
Greenacres Country Club
2170 Lawrenceville Road, Lawrenceville, NJ
You need a ticket for this event. For cost and registration details, visit http://hvef.org/booklovers.html.
LA JOLLA, CA: Thursday, November 10 CENTERFORJEWISHCULTURE
Lawrence Family JCC
4126 Executive Drive, La Jolla, CA 92037
PHOENIX, AZ: Saturday, November 12
9:30 AM to 3:30 PM
32ND ANNUALERMABOMBECKAUTHORSLUNCHEON
Arizona Biltmore, Phoenix, AZ
5:00 PM, POISONEDPEN
4014 N Goldwater #101
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
BOSTON, MA: Monday, November 14
5:30 PM PLOUGHSHARES 4OTH ANNIVERSARYHOSTED BY DENISLEARY
The Paramount Theatre
559 Washington St., Boston MA 02111
BOSTON, MA: Tuesday, November 15
7:00 PM NEWTONVILLEBOOKS
296 Walnut Street, Newton, MA 02460
DUNWOODY, GA: Thursday, November 17
12:00 PM MARCUSJEWISHCOMMUNITYCENTER OF ATLANTA MJCCA– Zaban Park Campus
5342 Tilly Mill Road, Dunwoody, GA 30338
Married? Then you know the truth. You spent too much on the big white dress, happily-ever-after is more fiction than fact, and the real secret to a happy marriage is marrying your best friend—and having your own interests, friends, fantasies, and life.
Just ask “The Secret Lives of Wives” author, Iris Krasnow.
“Even the most starry-eyed newlywed knows that marriage is a roller coaster,” she contends. “Yet, most women enter the institution with little idea of just how far down it can really go—and even less about how to survive when it does.”
In her provocative and enlightening tome that takes the world by storm this month, Krasnow draws from interviews with more than 200 long-married women to share their strategies for building an enduring and fulfilling marriage.
Of course, there’s also an economic component to why people stay married.
“Divorce is expensive, and marriage, even mediocre ones, are better for emotional stability, financial stability, and the stability of children,” Krasnow declares, pointing to the fact that the divorce rate has dipped from 50 percent to 43 percent in the last decades, and it’s not because all those marriage are blissful.
“It’s because children of the divorce revolution don’t want the havoc, emotional and financial, they witnessed among their parents and their friends.”
Krasnow knows of what she speaks.
She’s been wed to Chuck for 23 years, and is the first to admit that it hasn’t always been easy—especially when they had four sons, ages 3 and under, in diapers. (Blame the twins, two gorgeous boys, now high school seniors, for her fabulous wine cellar.)
How did they survive—and thrive?
A little healthy distance, says Krasnow. “When the boys were old enough, I spent part of the summer apart from Chuck and worked as a counselor at their camp in Upstate New York,” she explains. “Many of the happiest wives need time alone in which to remember and celebrate who they are.”
Of course, Krasnow recognizes that each marriage is unique, and there are no universal cure-alls.
Take the concept of extra-marital friendships.
“Let’s face it,” the author insists, “you don’t get it all from one person in one place.”
In fact, a strong circle of girlfriends—and even male friends, with limits—provides an important outlet for discussing interests not shared by one’s husband.
“Ideally, male friendships should remain platonic,” Krasnow believes, although some of her research reveals that a sexual attraction to another man can actually be good for a marriage, so long as it’s not acted upon.
There is a caveat.
Despite the proven physical and psychological benefits of long-term marriage, Krasnow is not advocating for women to stick it out in abusive or loveless relationships at all costs.
“Some couples obviously need to divorce,” she writes, noting that some choices—including an enchantment with a swingers’ lifestyle, or a willingness to sacrifice an important male friendship at a jealous husband’s insistence—aren’t for everyone.
“There’s much that is extraordinary about a life that is predictably ordinary,” insists Krasnow, who almost 10 years ago wrote the New York Times bestseller, “Surrendering to Marriage,” which also encouraged wives to stick it out in imperfect marriages.
“I knew the score then and I know it now: Marriage can be hell,” she admits. “The grass is seldom greener on the other side. And no one is perfect—including you. So you may as well work your hardest to love the person you are married to.”
Here’s the real deal.
Krasnow admits that her husband, Chuck, is a man of few words, and is sometimes stingy about sharing other parts of himself. But, she adds, he’s also open to her sharing these details with the world.
“I do not share the most intimate aspects of our relationship,” Krasnow explains. “There are sacred secrets to be shared with nobody but us. What I do openly share is some of my own pain and the joy and peace and madness that are common themes in most long marriages.”
Does she think that’s unique?
“Over the course of a long journalism career writing about love and intimacy, I find that when I open up and speak the truth, it not only engages my readers, it also makes them more honest and pro-active about their own relationships,” she says.
“I am a journalist, not a psychologist, yet the women I interview generously bare their hearts. If I expect them to be frank and real, I must be frank and real. How does my husband feel about my straight-shooting writing style? He says that Iris Krasnow books help him understand more fully who he is, who I am, and who we are as couple. Chuck is a keeper!”
Want to know more? We did! Following are more of Krasnow’s insights into love, marriage, and what women need to know to become happy wives.
Be Inkandescent: As the author of four books on marriage and commitment, has much changed since you wrote the New York Times bestseller, “Surrendering to Marriage?”
Iris Krasnow: “Here’s what’s different. I realized that the happiest wives had full lives of their own. They not only have work they love, and separate interests, but they have many different people in their lives, men and women.
“This helps us stretch in new directions—beyond the mother-wife roles. It takes a village to nurture a long-running marriage, as no one person can meet all of your needs. People who expect one spouse in one house to fuel them happily-ever-after are on a course toward divorce.”
Be Inkandescent: We all want passion, change, surprises—and more fun. But do you think this is a boomer approach to long-established marriages?
Iris Krasnow: “I teach journalism at American University, and the young women I teach are very interested in what marriage means and how they can succeed in this institution. “My students are children of the Divorce Revolution who came of age with the statistic that nearly half of American marriages end in divorce.
“Any young person can benefit from the wisdom of us long-married spouses who have figured out secrets and strategies to achieve ‘until death do us part.’ Although the women I interviewed are predominantly at midlife and beyond, the issues of long-term relationships—the roller coaster of love and hate—are therapeutic for any woman to talk about, at any age. Let me add that I hear from a lot of men, young and old, who have also picked up marriage tips from my books.”
Be Inkandescent: After spending countless hours with 200 women, who made the biggest impact?
Iris Krasnow: “Falisha. She is a Muslim wife in an arranged marriage. Her husband, a loyal and respectful man whom she considers her best friend, hasn’t initiated sex for months. They have two young children together and she is a successful accountant.”
[Despite this dry spell, Krasnow says that Falisha considers her marriage to be happy: “Nothing is perfect”, is the theme of her story, and she tells her girlfriends who complain about their imperfect husbands to stop whining about what they don’t have, appreciate what they do have, and keep striving to make things better.]
“I liked her candor and her willingness to work through their problem with counseling and talking openly, no matter how uncomfortable the conversations become. Many people leave marriages that have gone tepid without putting in any effort on getting some of the steam back. Or they stay married, sleep apart, and conduct affair after affair. Falisha is smarter than that.”
Be Inkandescent: What was the most interesting story that you ended up leaving out of the book?
Iris Krasnow: “I interviewed a 60-year-old woman whose husband of 30 years committed suicide after their anniversary trip to Italy. Although he was mildly depressed about the recession depleting his business, she was shocked that he took his own life.
“But get this. Her high school boyfriend with whom she remained close over the decades helped her heal—and she ended up marrying him. I was fascinated by this story but left it out because it was so complicated I could have written an entire book about her.”
Be Inkandescent: What is the most critical advice that you would like to pass on to your four sons, two in college and your 17-year-old twins?
Iris Krasnow: “Pick women who have full and happy lives of their own, independent of you. And I will tell them that the three primary ingredients in making a marriage last are trust, respect, and friendship. If you don’t have those qualities in your relationship, look elsewhere.”
More about Iris Krasnow
A graduate of Stanford University who covered fashion for the Dallas Time-Herald before becoming the national feature writer for United Press International, Iris Krasnow is currently a journalism professor at American University in Washington, DC.
She frequently speaks on issues related to family, relationships, and female empowerment in the national media, at business organizations, women’s groups, and religious and academic institutions across the country.
Her previous books include, “I Am My Mother’s Daughter,” “Surrendering to Yourself,” “Surrendering to Motherhood,” and the New York Times bestseller, “Surrendering to Marriage.”
The queen of fast talking, Fran Capo, has been doing stand-up comedy for more than 20 years. From performing for Hells Angels and a room full of nuns, to politicians and preachers, CEOs, secretary, PTAs, and Chambers of Commerce — she’s made them all laugh out loud.
But then, the New Yorker is officially the “Fastest Talking Female,” as noted in the “Guinness Book of World Records,” “Ripley’s Believe It or Not,” “Planet Eccentric,” and the “Book of Alternative Records.”
Her schtick and quick wit has landed her gigs at Caroline’s and Dangerfield’s in New York City, the Tropicana in Las Vegas, and the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. She has also performed at fundraisers for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, Firehouse 9-11, and for Marines stationed in Okinawa.
So we are honored to have the fabulous Fran give our entrepreneurs tips on how we can incorporate the magic of being funny into our businesses.
Fran Capo’s 10 Tips on How to Use Humor Effectively in Your Presentations
My 20-year career as a stand-up comedienne has taught me firsthand how to succeed with any kind of audience. When I moved into professional speaking, I quickly discovered the great advantage of professional speaking over comedy. In speaking you don’t have to be funny! But if you are, you are considered a sensation. Knowledge and humor is a powerful mixture, and in speaking it’s a win-win situation.
Unlike for comediennes, there is very little risk to a speaker who bombs with a joke. If you “bomb” as a comedienne, you risk never getting booked again. If your humor fails as a professional speaker, simply continue with the presentation.
No one, however, likes to hear a round of silence instead of one of laughter. In my book, “Humor in Business Speaking and Everyday Life,” I talk about tips for adding humor into everything you do. Here are some tried-and-true methods to give your humor the best chance to succeed on the platform.
1. You don’t have to be a comedienne to be funny. Anyone can tell a joke. Find your comic persona. What type of humor are you most comfortable with? Some speakers are better at one-liners, some at observational humor, others excel at storytelling. Timing is essential. The closer you stick to your natural timing, the more success you will have.
2. Know your audience. Ask yourself: Are they blue collar or white collar? Liberal or
conservative? What do they have in common? Are there regional sensibilities? The nature of your audience determines the type of humor. A colleague of mine once jokingly yelled out, “Last call at the bar!” only to discover most of his audience were members of Alcoholics Anonymous!
3. Localize and personalize your materials. Audiences love to be included as part of the show. Tailor your humorous anecdotes to make them fit your audience. Make it seem as if it just happened. They will think you are incredibly talented. Mark Twain said, “The best improvisation is rehearsed for 48 hours.” It is better to say, “On my way here from Newark Airport” than, “A month ago when I was in Dallas.” Personalize humor from a joke book or speaker’s file. The audience wants to relate to you, and you want to relate to them.
4 Be prepared. Always have some “what-IF” lines ready. For instance, what would you do IF the mike malfunctions? IF the lights go out? IF a fire alarm sounds? IF someone yells out an insult? IF, IF, IF. Have stock joke answers that you will use in these situations.
5. There are many ways to speak funny without being a comic. Make enlargements of relevant funny cartoons. Use props. Use jokes you have read. Have silly pledges or awards. You are only limited by your imagination. (Note: Don’t steal a comic’s act — we get rather annoyed when that happens because being funny keeps our kids fed.
6. Keep your audience interested. Humor does that. It keeps the audience wanting to hear more. Your job is to impart information, and humor keeps an audience tuned into your message. The more attentive they are, the more they will retain. The more they retain, the more you succeed as a speaker.
7. Space out the humor. The beginning, middle, and end of a speech are the strategic places for a joke. You want to start with a laugh to warm them up, throw some humor in the middle to keep them interested, and end with a laugh so they will have a nice, warm feeling.
8. Practice, practice. practice. Tell your jokes to unsuspecting friends. Just like with your speech, practice your jokes and delivery. Don’t tell someone you are going to tell them a joke, just work it into a conversation and watch their reaction, that’s the best way to gauge if it will work. If they laugh, you know you have a winner on your hands and you’ve mastered the joke.
9. Do not telegraph the end of the joke. Surprise them. Suspense is the key in any good joke. If someone feels they know the punch line, the joke is a letdown. The listener should be waiting to find out what the punch line is.
10. Be yourself, and have a good time. If the audience sees you are really enjoying being on stage, your enthusiasm will be contagious. If you are having a good time, then your audience will, too.
And here’s one for the road: Always leave them laughing!
About Fran Capo
Fran is a comedienne, keynote motivational speaker, 16-time author, personal coach, TV-show host, spokesperson, adventurer, and five-time world record holder, most known as the “Guinness Book of World Records” fastest talking female.
She has appeared on more than 350 television and 4,500 radio shows worldwide including: “Entertainment Tonight,” “Fox & Friends,” “The Late Show,” “Martha Stewart,” “Larry King Live,” and the “Discovery Channel.” Her “Cuppa Capo’s,” which are humorous motivational vlogs are sent out daily and she has a monthly newsletter called, “Capo Update.”
She is high energy, down to earth, and has spoken to Fortune 500 companies on every continent with her “Dare to do it,” “Creativity in Marketing,” and “Humor in the Workplace” talks.
For the past decade, Sabine Durier has been on a mission to prevent and treat AIDS.
From 2000-2010, she was the program leader of IFC Against AIDS, a program that she initiated shortly after joining the International Finance Corporation (IFC), the private-sector lending arm of the World Bank Group.
Over the course of a decade, Durier and her team worked with multiple IFC investment clients, particularly across Sub-Saharan Africa and India, to set-up workplace and community programs dedicated to the prevention and treatment of HIV / AIDS and other health issues.
Before being dedicated exclusively to IFC Against AIDS, Sabine was a strategy officer in IFC’s Corporate Strategy Department. She also held various positions at Honeywell, Inc. in its European and global headquarters. There, she was involved in macroeconomic trends analysis; strategy and scenario planning; business development in emerging markets, notably Ukraine and Brazil; mergers and acquisitions; and competitive analysis.
Today, Durier, 41, is a principal operations officer in IFC’s Global Knowledge Office. The European citizen and French national speaks French, English, Spanish, and Portuguese, and holds a master’s degree in Foreign Service from Georgetown University. She lives in Washington, DC, with her husband and two daughters.
We recently sat down with this Truly Amazing Woman to learn more about her work.
How Sabine Durier and the IFC Helped Battle AIDS
Be Inkandescent: We understand that every project the IFC launches has a triple bottom line in that it should lead to positive social, economic, and environmental impact. Can you tell us how the IFC Against AIDS program accomplished those admirable goals?
Sabine Durier: The IFC is dedicated to making investments that have a positive impact on the world. This helps the leaders of the organization identify the issues that are most compelling, so they can utilize their resources in the most effective way possible.
Be Inkandescent: Eradicating AIDS is obviously an ambition that is complicated to achieve. How did you first become interested in tackling this worldwide problem?
Sabine Durier: I came to the U.S. from France in 1996 to study at Georgetown University. I then took a job at Honeywell in Minneapolis, where I worked on foresight, strategy, and innovation. I developed scenario plans, researched mega-trends, and did business-plan development. It was incredibly interesting work, because I was working on tracking the global issues that were facing corporations around the world. But I really wanted to move back to DC. Fortunately, my brother, Dr. Nicolas Durier, had moved to DC to do his doctoral research on pediatric HIV and AIDS at the National Institutes of Health. So we rented a flat together, and, as you can imagine, AIDS became a subject of conversation at the dinner table. It was early 2000, and AIDS was severely affecting Sub-Saharan Africa. In Botswana, it had infected more than 38 percent of the adult population.
Be Inkandescent: And AIDS was primarily ravaging young and middle-aged adults at the prime of their working years, so it was really taking a social and economic toll.
Sabine Durier: That’s right. The pandemic affected GDP growth, per capita consumption, and employment — not to mention relationships, families, and children. So my brother and I spent hours discussing possible solutions, trying to figure out what could be done on a social level to make a change.
Be Inkandescent: Is that when you got involved with the IFC?
Sabine Durier: Yes. It was quite fortuitous, actually, because I attended a talk that an officer from the World Bank gave at the IFC on the impact of AIDS. She turned to the audience to ask what we all thought the IFC could do, and bells went off in my head. It seemed to me that this was the perfect organization to make a difference because it has tremendous assets and worldwide reach. In fact, it seemed to me that the IFC should do something for its own good — because as former Levi Strauss International President Lee Smith, said, “It is inevitable that a firm doing business in the developing world will pay for AIDS. It is just a question of when, and how much.”
Be Inkandescent: It must have taken a lot of research to get a handle on the pandemic and its impact on the private sector.
Sabine Durier: It was a ton of work, but in doing the research my team of eight people came up with solutions. My goal was to demystify the problem of AIDS. I wanted to challenge the leadership at the IFC to consider the cost of doing something versus doing nothing. The statistics of how many people are touched by AIDS is staggering, and once we put together the data, and a plan with measurable results, we got approval and funding for the “IFC Against AIDS: Protecting People and Profitability.”
Be Inkandescent: In a February 2008 white paper, you outline lessons you learned from the innovation you did through the IFC Against AIDS program, and how you established a business case for the work you wanted to do. Can you give us some of the highlights of those findings?
Sabine Durier: A critical element in developing a new product or service is the ability to build a strong business case. This includes careful analysis of the environment, issues, and opportunities, and the ability to articulate what the organization can contribute. Back in 2000, a few large international companies had started to engage the AIDS problem to protect their own profits, consumer markets, and reputation. Some also were driven by an agenda of corporate social responsibility. Fortunately, there was compelling data on the impact of AIDS on costs, reputation, and viability of enterprises working in the countries that were most affected by the disease. Private-sector engagement, however, was sporadic.
Be Inkandescent: So you started asking important questions of companies that were directly impacted?
Sabine Durier: Yes. We began gathering strong evidence in favor of action. We asked about an organization’s niche, and what problems were not being addressed. And, we wanted to know what mistakes had been made so we could avoid them.
Be Inkandescent: The good news is that the work you were proposing was aligned with the IFC’s more deliberate engagement in sustainability, or sustainable development, in the area of health and HIV / AIDS. Is that right?
Sabine Durier: It was. So it was important to develop a straightforward role anchored in providing a service — rather than just developing a new policy. We did everything possible to avoid the fear most people felt around the issue. We simply engaged them in a way that was as comfortable as possible, and tried to make it their idea to seek assistance. We told our clients, “You don’t have to do it, but you’ll be glad you did.” That seemed to help break down a lot of barriers for the people who had AIDS or were likely to contract it, the employers of the companies whom we needed to partner with, as well as government organizations.
Be Inkandescent: In your white paper, you explain that innovation is not exciting for everyone. What do you mean by that?
Sabine Durier: When you want to bring about change, you might find out that you are the only one who finds change exciting. In fact, this mired the creation of the IFC Against AIDS project for months, if not years. A lot of people were skeptical that my team could make a difference. In fact, some people thought our efforts could make some IFC transactions more complicated, or that discussing the pandemic would potentially bother the management in one of the companies of our clients.
Be Inkandescent: At the time, you were a junior staff member?
Sabine Durier: That’s right. I only had a few months’ seniority at the IFC, with no prior experience in the field of development. Understandably, my credibility was a major issue.
Be Inkandescent: But you didn’t give up.
Sabine Durier: No. It made me more determined. I formed a network of people with experience in HIV / AIDS outside the IFC, and their feedback, ideas, and encouragement was crucial to setting up the program. I also developed an internal network of like-minded people at the IFC, which proved fundamental to our success. These internal and external networks helped us overcome the lack of experience, and slowly but surely we began to prove ourselves.
Be Inkandescent: That seems like a logical, strategic approach to solving a problem, and one that any entrepreneur or organization could embrace.
Sabine Durier: I am convinced that innovation does not have to be complicated. Sure, the AIDS epidemic and its social and personal implications are complex. After all, it’s very hard to break down barriers. But the methodology and tools that we created for the IFC Against AIDS program is simple, robust, and anchored in research, business cases, and common sense.
Be Inkandescent: In the end, you were able to institute a powerful program that resulted in tangible results.
Sabine Durier: Most definitely. We simply challenged companies in developing countries to step up and be part of the solution. The fact is that 95 percent of people living with HIV / AIDS are in those countries, and the pandemic is presenting enormous challenges to local and international firms doing business there.
Be Inkandescent: I can imagine that the disease leads to increased use of medical and other benefits, more recruitment and training, and lower productivity due to absenteeism, turnover, and loss of experienced personnel.
Sabine Durier: It can also undermine the ability of a small or medium enterprise to succeed. Consumers are impacted, as well, and so are savings, investments, education, and the cost of doing business. It is most definitely in everyone’s best interest to fight against AIDS. And that’s the argument we made.
Be Inkandescent: Do you think your success came from focusing on your clients’ needs?
Sabine Durier: Without doubt. The key to any value-added service, such as our program, is to understand the culture of the client companies you work with. Once we did that, we were able to adapt to their needs and constraints. It wasn’t always easy. We had to build credibility and trust with the management and staff, and we had to be incredibly patient and open to the needs of their situation.
Be Inkandescent: What were some of the personal lessons you learned in the 10 years that you headed up this program?
Sabine Durier: For starters, I learned that implementing change comes from observations of the environment, personal influences, and convictions — and requires a lot of luck. It can be a lonely process, and one that involves a lot of time and hard work. I found it most difficult, at first at least, to manage my own expectations about the level of support that I would receive. The truth is that the less knowledge and experience that you have on a subject, the harder it will be to convince others.
Be Inkandescent: But you were so passionate about the program. Would you have done anything differently?
Sabine Durier: Passion sells! And being very determined and compelling is a winning combination. I know now that having a solid grasp of the facts, trends, and a concrete proposal is the key to making something happen. The only thing I would do differently is to have that established from the very start. It would have avoided quite a bit of frustration on my part.
Be Inkandescent: What was your most valuable lesson learned?
Sabine Durier: That you shouldn’t worry about the numerous problems that might happen in the future. A large portion of what you waste time worrying about never occurs anyway, so why waste valuable energy on worry? Also, I now know there is an enormous value in incremental change. Now that I have two daughters, I can see that truth all the more clearly.
“There’s no such thing as having too much fun,” insists author, singer, and entrepreneur Kathi Kamen Goldmark — the woman who in 1991 founded the infamous writer rock band, the Rock Bottom Remainders. “Fun is good for you. So get out there and start playing.”
That philosophy of life, in fact, is what motivated the then book publicist to pull together some of the authors that she was schlepping around San Francisco when they’d come to town to do a book tour.
“I was known as the media escort who had the best music selection in her car,” says Kathi, who is actually a musician in her own right. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a combination of Joan Baez and Judy Collins — at the same time. Sadly those jobs were taken by the time I got around to applying.”
She did, however, get a good taste of life as a rock star when, after graduating from Antioch College, she moved to Los Angeles with her boyfriend, Jimmy Hodder. It was 1972 and he had just gotten a gig to be the original drummer for the rock band Steely Dan. “It was a fabulous adventure being the girlfriend of a rocker,” Kathi recalls.
So when Dave Barry, Barbara Kingsolver, Ridley Pearson, Amy Tan, and other notable writers told her they not only had a secret fantasy of being a rock star, but also were relatively decent musicians themselves — it got her thinking.
“I realized that I had a lineup of band members simply from the folks I was driving around,” she recalls. “So one day I asked Dave and Barbara and Amy and a few others if they’d consider doing a rock show to raise money for charity. They said yes. When Stephen King came onboard, things really took off.”
Leader of the Band
The band chose a self-mocking name, The Rock Bottom Remainders — based on the publishing term used to describe the unsold remainder of the publisher’s stock of copies, sold at a reduced price. “We didn’t want anyone to think we were going to take ourselves too seriously.”
The approach worked because word started spreading in the writer community about Kathi’s plot. One day author Robert Fulghum called to announce he had found an anonymous donor to come up with $10,000 to make the show happen.
Another friend connected her with Bob Daitz, the tour manager for Van Halen. He took Kathi to the National Association of Music Merchandisers trade show in Los Angeles, and trotted from booth to booth telling the manufacturers what she was up to and asking them to donate equipment.
“We got guitars, speakers, smoke machines — it was amazing,” she admits. “The only thing missing was the big bus to take us to the event.”
That came soon after Kathi recruited rock legend and author Al Kooper to be the musical director for the first show. At the 1992 American Booksellers Association convention in Anaheim, California, the Rock Bottom Remainders made their debut. A pinnacle for the band came in 1995 when they were invited to play at the opening of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
“We’re so bad, but put on such a fun show, it seemed we were on to something,” says Kathi, now 61, who points to Bruce Springsteen’s comment about the Remainders: “Your band’s not too bad. It’s not too good either. Don’t let it get any better, otherwise you’ll just be another lousy band.”
Band members couldn’t agree more. And although they come together for a week each year, who participates depends on what’s happening in their lives and writing careers.
Over time, the band lineup has included writers Dave Barry, Stephen King, Amy Tan, Kathi Kamen Goldmark, Sam Barry, Ridley Pearson, Scott Turow, Joel Selvin, James McBride, Mitch Albom, Roy Blount Jr., Barbara Kingsolver, Robert Fulghum, Matt Groening, Tad Bartimus, Greg Iles, Michael Dorris, Dave Marsh, and Greil Marcus, as well as ringers Josh Kelly on drums, and Erasmo Paolo on saxophone. Maya Angelou, one of the first authors Kathi invited, has “honorary” member status.
The Wordstock Tour
In addition to having a blast on stage, the band has raised nearly $2 million for charity — a number that’s likely to increase this April when the Remainders begin their Wordstock Tour presented by the Pearson Foundation and We Give Books benefiting the children and schools of Haiti.
East Coast fans caught a glimpse of the band during its 2010 Wordstock Tour in Washington, Philadelphia, New York, and Boston last April 20-24.
Like many dynamic women, Kathi has had many careers. She is a former teacher with a Master of Arts degree in Drama and Education who has worked as a family-planning educator (producing The Rock Project, a national radio campaign in which music stars recorded public service announcements urging teenagers to “think about having a child before you make a baby”).
One of the greatest joys of her life, she proudly admits, was becoming an author.
“After 17 years as a media escort, it’s such a thrill to be a published author myself,” notes the co-author of “Mid-Life Confidential” (Viking/Signet, 1994), which is by and about the Rock Bottom Remainders; “The Great Rock & Roll Joke Book” (St. Martin’s Press, 1997) with Dave Marsh; and the novel “And My Shoes Keep Walking Back to You” (Chronicle Books, 2002).
She has contributed essays and endorsements to several other books, and is proud to have a speaking role as herself in Olivia Goldsmith’s novel, “The Bestseller.”
This spring, she’s also launching her latest book, “Write That Book Already!: The Tough Love You Need to Get Published Now,” co-written by her new husband Sam Barry (yes, Dave Barry’s brother — read more about that below).
A primer on how to get a book published in today’s changing marketplace, it provides a blueprint for transforming an idea into a manuscript, finding an agent, working with an editor, and then marketing your book. Plus, there is insight from Stephen King, Amy Tan, and more.
The book is getting rave reviews by authors and critics.
“[This book] is the most informative, interesting, useful, and fun book about the business, art, and craft of book writing since … well, since ever,” says John Lescroart, author of “Treasure Hunt.” “It’s terrific writing, business, and human advice by some terrific, experienced, funny, smart writers. You’ll come away motivated and prepared to write that book.”
“[This] is the perfect companion to writer’s angst, brimming with wise advice for all scribes, including myself,” says Amy Tan, author of “Saving Fish From Drowning .“
“I learned more from this wise, witty primer of publishing than from 15 years in the business,” says Jacqueline Mitchard, author of “The Deep End of the Ocean.” “With everything you need to know — and some things you don’t want to — in one place, this is the only pen-to-shelf guide you’ll ever need.”
On marrying Dave Barry’s brother
Kathi says she’s proud to report that she and Sam are still married, despite the fact that they wrote and finished a book during their first year of marriage.
How she came to meet Sam, the author of the humor-inspiration book “How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons,” (Gibbs Smith Publisher, 2009), is another great story, she says.
“He was a Presbyterian minister who lived for years in Omaha — a funny and musical minister, of course — and when he moved to California a few years ago, his brother Dave suggested he give me a call,” Kathi explains. “When I learned Sam played keyboard and harmonica, I recruited him for my band, Los Train Wreck, which plays monthly at El Rio on Mission Street in San Francisco.”
The rest is history.
At their wedding in June 2009, Dave Barry and the whole Barry clan was there, of course. Amy Tan was a bridesmaid, and she and her husband hosted Kathi and Sam on the first leg of their honeymoon in Paris.
Kathi says the Rock Bottom Remainders weren’t the official band for the evening — Los Train Wreck had that honor. “But the Remainders all took turns jumping up on the stage and playing a song or two. We had a blast.”
Debbie Wasserman Schultz was raised to believe you can have it all. The attractive, active U.S. Congresswoman from the 20th Congressional District who represents Miami-Dade / Broward County Florida certainly seems to have hit the mark.
With two kids, a husband who is incredibly supportive — he buys her clothes and is willing to put her career before his — and a plum seat on the House Committee on Appropriations and the Committee on the Judiciary, she is determined to expand on her reputation as a fighter for families.
“It is said that I arrived in Washington with the reputation as a force to be reckoned with, someone who works hard on behalf of children, education, healthcare, Social Security, Medicare, and the security of every American,” says Wasserman Schultz, who was sworn in as a member of the House on January 4, 2005, and became the first Jewish Congresswoman ever elected from Florida. “I hope to continue to be known as a person whose word is her bond and who knows that she was sworn in to work hard in Washington for her constituents.”
Can you have it all?
That said, the Congresswoman opened up about the challenges of juggling her busy life.
“Yes, I do believe you can have it all — but you can’t be afraid to ask for help,” she explained. “And you have to pick and choose your priorities. During the week, Congress is my priority. When I fly back home to Florida on the weekend, my family comes first. My staff knows they have to respect that, and they have to schedule in family time. It’s sacred, and it’s incredibly important to me to be as good a mother and wife as I am a legislator.”
And being a good legislator is very important to Wasserman Schultz — the youngest elected to the Florida legislature in 1992 at age 26 (she won her seat with 53 percent of the vote in a six-way race). “I never expected to get into politics so young,” admits Wasserman Schultz, who served in the Florida House of Representatives until 2000 and in the Florida State Senate from 2000-2004. “I had a mentor who encouraged me, and I gave it everything I could.”
When she was first running for office, she made up in shoe leather what she lacked in resources and knocked on about 25,000 doors in her district and met as many voters as possible. “And I learned early that to be an effective legislator you have to do more than just show up to vote. That is especially true in the U.S. Congress. My motto is: No task is too big. Most of the time it works out.”
Perhaps the hardest pill for her to swallow is learning the hard way that not everyone is happy for her success.
“After 16 years in politics, I have developed a tough skin,” she insists. “But some of those nasty partisan blogs have weakened my defense. They don’t just focus on the issues like seasoned journalists do — they get personal. It’s distasteful, but I try to put it into perspective because it is very important to embrace new media. It’s the best way to engage young activists and voters, so I am simply learning to be more savvy about how to communicate effectively.”
On a personal note
In 2009, Wasserman Schultz announced her own battle with breast cancer. She then introduced the Education and Awareness Requires Learning Young Act, or EARLY Act (H.R. 1740), legislation that directs the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to develop and implement a national education campaign about the threat breast cancer poses to all women, and the particular heightened risks of certain ethnic, cultural, and racial groups.
For more information about Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, visit her website wassermanschultz.house.gov.
