• February 2011

The Love Issue

What’s love got to do with it? “When it comes to business, romance, and life in general, love is the engine that powers just about everything we do,” says our February Entrepeneur of the Month, Dr. Helen Fisher.

A world-renowned anthropologist and expert in the science of human attraction, Fisher wrote the questionnaire behind chemistry.com. Below you’ll find details about why we choose the mates, and business partners, that we do. In our Tips for Entrepreneurs column, she tells us when and why to trust our intuition.

Because February is the month of amore, we feature Rachel Machacek’s The Science of Single, a deliciously devilish account about her search for Mr. Right. Don’t miss Dr. John Maguire’s tips on heart health; the breathtaking wedding photos of Charlie Archambault; the work of personal historian Sherry Andersen, who preserves the legacy of loved ones on video; and our Truly Amazing Woman of the month, Anne Hastings, who runs Haiti’s largest micro-bank. To spark the romance, indulge in Culinaria Cooking School’s Valentine’s dinner menu, and learn to prepare a healthy elixir by our new Healthy Living columnist Jill Leslie.

From all of us at Be Inkandescent Magazine, here’s to an enchanted month! — Hope Katz Gibbs, Be Inkandescent

Illustration (of La Traviata) by Michael Gibbs, for the Virginia Opera.

Why We Love: Insights From Dr. Helen Fisher


Anthropologist and Author
Dr. Helen Fisher

By Hope Katz Gibbs

What is love? Why do we pick the people we choose to love, hire, befriend? Is there really love at first sight? How did love evolve?

To answer these eternal questions, Rutgers University professor and anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, has traveled from the the desert outback of East Africa, to Tokyo, to Iran, and back to her home in New York City, to determine if one culture perceives love differently than another. She then used fMRI technology to look inside the brains of 50 men and women who said they were madly in love.

Her perspectives on love, sexuality, women, and gender differences have been featured in Time magazine, National Public Radio, NBC, the BBC, and CNN. She has also authored five books: “The Sex Contract,” “Anatomy of Love,” “The First Sex,” “Why We Love,” and her 2010 book, “Why Him? Why Her?” Fisher is currently working on a new title about why we choose one partner over another.

The nature and chemistry of romantic love

In her book, Why We Love, Fisher explains that everywhere in the world, people fall into romantic love. “Like the craving for food and water and the maternal instinct, passion is a fundamental human drive,” she says. “Courting and winning a particular mate is one of our most profound urges.”

Fisher took the question to another level in her next book, Why Him? Why Her?, and analyzed how people can find real love by understanding their personality type. The research for that book became the basis of the Chemistry.com questionnaire that matches people with compatible brain chemistry.

We begin our discussion with Fisher by talking about that eternal question: Why do humans love? Fisher says there are three basic mating drives that inhabit our brains:

Lust: The craving for sexual gratification emerged to motivate our ancestors to seek sexual union with almost any partner.

Romantic Love: The elation and obsession of being in love with a mate, which enabled the ancients to focus their attention on a single individual at a time, and to conserve time and energy.

Attachment: The sense of peace and security one feels toward a long-time mate motivated our ancestors to stay together long enough to rear their young.

Although Fisher admits that the magic of love cannot be underestimated, she is convinced that the species’ need to procreate is the primary motivator behind all of these mating drives.

“If you have four children, and I have no children, your genes are going to live on and mine are going to die off,” she says. “ So we all know deep down inside that our sexual behavior is going to have important consequences.”

The science of mating

But what, exactly, is going on in the brain when we experience those feelings of lust, romantic love, and attachment?

Fisher had initially hypothesized that romantic love was associated with elevated levels of dopamine and / or norepinephrine, two key neurotransmitters. After interviewing and using high-tech tools to test dozens of men and women, her theory was confirmed when the fMRI showed activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a brain region that is part of the reward system.

“Called the reptilian brain, or R-complex, it evolved long before mammals proliferated some 65 million years ago,” says Fisher, noting, “This result was what I was looking for.”

The reason, she explains, is that the nerve cells in this portion of the brain have tentacle-like axons that distribute dopamine to many brain regions, including the caudate nucleus. “This sprinkler system sends dopamine to many brain parts, it produces focused attention, as well as fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain a reward, and feelings of elation, even mania—the core feelings of romantic love,” she says.

As a result, Fisher was able to observe chemical changes in the brain as her subjects looked at the photos of their loved ones, giving her an insider’s view of some of the chemical underpinnings of love.

Why Him? Why Her?

After these findings were published, Fisher was asked by Match.com to become the scientific advisor to a new sister site, Chemistry.com. Using her fMRI research, she crafted the “Chemistry Profile,” a personality assessment and matching system, which includes dozens of questions ranging from “is your sock drawer ready for public inspection?” to “Are your friends the social crowd, intellectuals, adventurers, or activists?”

Other questions ask the test taker to identify a mate’s ideal body type, fitness regime, favorite Friday night date, and religious preferences. While the questions may seem straightforward, the answers identify which chemicals are most dominant in the brain: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and / or estrogen.

Dopamine-Driven Explorers: People with naturally high levels of dopamine tend to be risk-takers, novelty-seekers, artistic, creative, and curious. Fisher found that 26 percent of the 40,000 men and women she polled fell into this category.

Serotonin-Driven Builders: Those with a lot of serotonin tend to gravitate toward the traditional. They are calm, social, popular, loyal, conscientious, and tend to be organized and enjoy rules. Often, they are pillars of society and good in business. About 29 percent of the population polled fell into this category.

Testosterone-Driven Directors: This group is direct, and skilled at understanding rule-based systems. They tend to be highly analytical, logical, emotionally contained, bold and ambitious. They account for about 16 percent of the population.

Estrogen-Driven Negotiators: Those with high amounts of estrogen have good people skills, an active imagination, are altruistic, idealistic, and nurturing. They tend to see the “big picture,” but are not very detail-oriented. Approximately 25 percent of the people polled fit into this category.

“Although everyone has a combination of chemicals, one or two tend to dominate,” Fisher explains. “Consistently, though, dopamine-driven Explorers go for each other, as do serotonin-driven Builders. And testosterone-driven Directors and estrogen-driven Negotiators are happiest when they mate [each other].”

The reason, Fisher says, goes back to our basic drive to survive and propagate the species. “If you are good at seeing the big picture, as Negotiators are, you need someone who is analytical and detail-oriented to help you survive so you look for a Director. Similarly, if you are a traditionalist who is calm and really likes rules—as the serotonin-driven Builders are—you’ll want to mate with someone who looks at the world in the same logical, rule-based way you do.”

The future of love

Fisher’s research leads her to a few forecasts about the future of love and relationships.

“Since women started returning to the workforce a few decades ago, the balance of power between the sexes has shifted,” she notes, explaining that for centuries in hunting and gathering societies, women were on an equal footing with men, going out to gather the evening meal and being equally responsible for the survival of the family and community.

“But with the invention of farming tools that required physical strength, women were relegated to seemingly secondary chores of keeping house and having children. Arranged marriages dominated, and mating became more of an economic and sometimes political agreement between families.”

Fisher expects this shift in male-female roles to gain strength. As more women graduate from college—not to mention earn almost as many PhDs as often as men—their economic and political power will only continue to grow, and Fisher expects women to return to the place of power they held before the plow was invented.

“Men are now being pressured to please a woman—or she won’t have them back,” Fisher insists. “Going forward, men are definitely going to have to work a little harder to get and keep a mate.”

Fisher also believes that the pursuit of romantic love later in life will increase.

As more baby boomers hit 50—and realize they could live another 40-50 years—many will be looking around for someone new to “light their fire,” she forecasts. “Romantic love is deeply threaded into our human spirit. If we don’t have that in our lives, we feel like we are missing something. And we are.”

Do you think it’s important to trust your instincts? If you are nodding yes, Dr. Fisher explains why you are right — most of the time. Learn more in her Tips for Entrepreneurs.

Chemistry.com Creator Dr. Helen Fisher Tells Us When to Trust Your Gut

You’re faced with a difficult decision, and suddenly you feel the right answer in your gut.

That’s intuition, and it’s not to be ignored, insists anthropologist and human attraction expert Dr. Helen Fisher.

“While intuition may seem to arise from some mysterious inner source, it’s actually a form of unconscious reasoning,” she explains. “It’s rooted in the way our brains collect and store information. As you accumulate knowledge—whether it’s about what books your spouse likes or how to play chess—you begin to recognize patterns.”

Here’s why:

1. Your brain unconsciously organizes these patterns into blocks of information, a process the late social scientist Herbert Simon, PhD, called “chunking.”

2. Over time, your brain chunks and links more and more patterns, then stores these clusters of knowledge in your long-term memory. When you see a tiny detail of a familiar design, you instantly recognize the larger composition—and that’s what we regard as a flash of intuition.

3. This elaborate brain circuitry likely evolved so that our forebears could quickly size up a person or a situation. Our female ancestors, in particular, needed this skill: They had to tune in to their infants to enable them to survive. And this helps explain why women today have an edge when it comes to reading people.

So listen to your gut feelings instead of brushing them aside.

“Your intuition may not always steer you right, but it can be a useful first step in decision-making,” adds Fisher, who offers insight into when to trust your intuition — and when to let your head take the lead.

Use your intuition when:

• You are doing something you’re experienced in. “Intuition is really learned expertise in disguise,” she explains. “So if you’ve played tennis your whole life, go with your instinct on the court instead of thinking through each stroke.”

• You are considering getting a second opinion. Fisher refers to Judith Orloff, MD, a psychiatrist at UCLA and author of “Second Sight,” who says: “Listening to your body’s signals can help prevent bigger health problems. If your doctor dismisses a nagging symptom as “nothing serious” but you’re still convinced there’s something wrong—go with your hunch.”

• You are shopping for a home. “Don’t just endlessly analyze the financials; listen to your gut,” Fisher notes. “Studies have found that purchasers are more satisfied with a big-budget item when the decision is made incorporating unconscious thought rather than by conscious deliberation alone.”

Let your head decide when:

• You are sniffing out a lie. Fisher points to David Myers, PhD, author of “Intuition: Its Powers and Perils,” who says: “There are no easily detectable signs that indicate lying, so even if you’re adept at reading people, you can’t infer dishonesty based on the other person’s gestures or behavior.”

• You are hiring someone for a job. If there’s a contest between your positive gut feeling and what work samples and recommendations tell you, forget your gut. Myers adds: “Your intuition may be based on something superficial—like whether the candidate reminds you of a close friend—that has nothing to do with performance.”

About Helen Fisher

Helen Fisher, PhD, is a biological anthropologist, research professor, and member of the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. She is also the Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site, Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain, and how your personality type shapes who you are and whom you love.

For more information about the author and her books, visit: www.helenfisher.com.

View Dr. Fisher’s presentation at the World Future Society’s 2007 Conference, where she discussed the topic: Drugs or Love?

The photo (at top) is of Dr. Fisher presenting at the 2008 TED conference in Long Beach, CA.

Success is about finding a livelihood that brings joy, self-sufficiency, and a sense of contributing.”

– Anita Roddick

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.”

– Edgar W. Howe

The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it.”

– Voltaire

A man without a smiling face
 should not open a shop.”

– Chinese Proverb

Part of your destiny is to live in the zone of maximum satisfaction.”

– Martha Beck

The mind is everything. What you think, you become.”

– Buddha

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.”

– Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., U.S. Supreme Court justice

If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more.
 If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”

– Oprah Winfrey

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”

– Bob Dylan

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”

– William Butler Yeats

A lot of people have ideas, but few decide to do something about them now. Not next week. But today.”

– Nolan Bushnell, founder, Atari

When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”

– Audre Lorde

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. 
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.”

– Mary Jean Irion

Treat the attainment of happiness in the same way an entrepreneur would approach building a business — with a vision, plan, goals, and a systematic approach.”

– Ted Leonsis

The person who makes a success of living is the one who see his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication.”

– Cecil B. DeMille

If you were independently wealthy and never had to work a day in your life, would you still choose to spend your time attempting to become a successful entrepreneur?”

– Steven Schussler

Inspiration and genius — one and the same.”

– Victor Hugo

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.”

– Steve Jobs

What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?”

– Jim Butcher, White Night

I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent.”

– Thomas Edison

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

But all the while I was alone, the past was close behind, I seen a lot of women, but she never escaped my mind, and I just grew, tangled up in blue.”

– Bob Dylan

The awakening to the mystery of life is a revolutionary event; in it an old world is destroyed so that a new and better one may take its place.”

– J.J. Van Der Leeuw, The Conquest of Illusion

Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.”

– Robert H. Schuller

‎That which grows fast withers as rapidly; that which grows slowly endures.”

– J.G. Holland, novelist

Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.”

– Woodrow Wilson

They who give have all things. They who withhold have nothing.”

– Hindu Proverb

I don’t do very well without fear. There needs to be a part of me saying, ‘That’s going to fail,’ so I can prove myself wrong.”

– Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe

Do you have the desire to create something new; the strength of conviction to believe your creation will be successful, and the reservoir of energy necessary to thrust it into the marketplace?”

– Steven Schussler

It is only when the mind is free from the old that it meets everything anew, and in that there is joy.”

– J. Kristnhamurti, The First and Last Freedom

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

– Anais Nin

As each woman realizes her power, she transforms the world.”

– Patrice Wynne, WomanSpirit Sourcebook

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

– Leonard Cohen

This is the age when magical technologies make more and more radically fun ideas plausible, even easy. You’re only limited by your creativity.”

– Martha Beck

A great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up.”

– Albert Schweitzer

Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

– Eckhart Tolle

Many people prefer to play it safe when it comes to business matters. Are you willing to take risks in the pursuit of entrepreneurial success?”

– Steven Schussler

Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them!”

– Madam C.J. Walker

The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen.”

– August Rush

If it isn’t good, let it die. If it doesn’t die, make it good.”

– Ajahn Chah

Tolerance and patience should not be read as signs of weakness. They are signs of strength.”

– The Dalai Lama

I may not be able to change what takes place, but I can always choose to change my thinking.”

– Michelle Sedas

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”

– Charles R. Swindoll

Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole, clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!”

– Andrew Carnegie

Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.”

– Benjamin Disraeli

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”

– Jimi Hendrix

That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”

– Henry David Thoreau

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
 what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.”

– Bruce Lee

Do not say, ‘why were the former days better than these,’ for it is not from wisdom that you ask this.”

– Ecclesiastes, 7:10

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